Checkpoint 2

 Checkpoint 2

In order to break things down into manegable pieces, I broke up the entire second semester into what I thought were do-able pieces. From one break to another, even if it was just a three day weekend. I counted down, rather than up, so once I get to checkpoint 0, I will have crossed the finish line. This weekend was checkpoint 2, and the longest stretch of them all.

I was thinking, once I got here, that I could start thinking about the actual end of things, since it seemed like not that much time. However, being here now, I think I will maintain my weekly time horizon focus. Two months is still too much to think about, still an overwhelming thought. But on Friday nights and Saturdays, I can think about it. However, during the week I need my focus laser-like to make sure I’m doing a reasonable job at work. Teaching, at least for me, is a bit like an Olympic training regime. I need to be at the top of my game to put in the work required. A bad nights sleep or something distracting me emotionally, will train-wreck my performance.

There are lots of jobs where this is not the case. Where you can just ‘phone it in.’ Come in to work with a hangover, and not be worried about anything important going wrong. This is a blessing and a curse. The blessing part is obvious: you can relax. You’re tired and not functioning well, no biggie. The curse is that when not much is asked of you, not much is delivered. It’s the same reason science says it’s better to set goals that are doable, but a stretch for you to accomplish. The stretch mobilizes you to give it your best, to do more than you otherwise would. When your goals are too easy, it does not feel as satisfying, as you are not giving the world, your life, all that you have to give it.

There are different problems with jobs. Many jobs feel meaningless, or even detrimental to others. Many jobs are boring, or feel micromanaged to the point where you don’t have any autonomy. Teaching is never boring, and only occasionally micromanaged. And it generally feels like you are doing something important. The problem with teaching is in other categories. It demands so much of you, that it’s easy to get burnt out, or overwhelmed. And the importance is a double-edged blade, because when you are a new teacher and feel like you are not doing a good job, it feels like yes, your job matters, and unfortunately the difference you are making is a negative one, rather than a positive, which might feel even worse than making no difference at all. You are working three times as hard, to make less of a difference than people who are doing nothing at all. Doesn’t seem like a good trade.

Though probably there are people who get it and love it and are making a positive difference even from the get go. Just wasn’t me. Maybe now I’m making a positive difference, overall, with some things still negative, and many close to neutral. However, still burning me out, though perhaps a bit less so.

I’m still very busy. I’m mainly focusing on finishing the things I need to do for completion of my EHV certification (which has to do with teaching good values and such, and is indeed a passion of mine) since those are things that will be much easier to do, while teaching, since I’ve got a captive audience and don’t have to go looking for one. Those are pretty much my two or three main goals, for the rest of the year:

1) keep doing a good job at work. Give it my all, don’t get senioritis.

2) finish the EHV certification.

3) keep my head above water with basic life admin stuff.

That’s it. I figure, keep it simple and focused, I can worry about other stuff once I’m done with the job. Though I do have some trips and stuff where I have to do things ahead of time, like buying plane tickets, but I’m just grouping that in with life admin.

Time to go!

-I Out