Summer chorus, Garden, Fructification

 OK, I'll do one more, to share what's going on outside: the garden and yard are really bumping. Suzannah is creating beauty in the garden, the clover is covering the lawn with pretty white flowers, and in the morning when I sit at my spot, I hear all sorts of birds chirping, including the morning doves with there distinctive owl-sounding hoots. At night we've got crowds of fireflies, filling the world with their magic, and the chorus of frogs (I think spring peepers?) and crickets. The Fruit tree's Suzannah has planted are exploding, growing so quickly, and her blackberry patch is also exploding out. It's cooled down a bit after some really hot days, and walking in the evening has been wonderful, with not too many bugs (unless we stop under street lights), a nice breeze, and some bright stars and planets in the sky. Especially in the morning, watching the rising sunlight filter through the leaves, it feels like heaven. I'm so grateful for the habit I've created of taking a few moments in the morning, to enjoy the richness and beauty around me that nature provides. It is a simple and free pleasure, but one of the most meaningful and enriching, in my life.

Including some pictures of the garden. It will be fun to see how the perennials grow, over the years.

May your own season be full of growth and beauty.

-I out

The fruit tree that's grown like 3x as big as last year in the foreground and blackberries in the background

Using nice things, Achaan Chaa, Getting better with time

 There are a few nice things that I have, that I've been avoiding using, because they are nice and I didn't want to get them dirty or break them. But recently I've been thinking, what's the purpose of having them, and not enjoying them by using them? If they break, they break, or get damaged or worn, but at least I will have enjoyed them. A bag I got during our honeymoon in Japan. A hand blown drinking glass from a friend for a wedding present. A nice big cordless fan. I'm using them now, and it makes me happy, thinking about the love put into them (for the first two) or just makes me nice and cool while trying to keep the AC not working so hard. My friend shared an interesting quote with me, that makes me think about this, that she's been really strongly resonating with, and I agree is poetic and deep:

“You see this goblet?” asks Achaan Chaa, the Thai meditation master. “For me this glass is already broken. I enjoy it; I drink out of it. It holds my water admirably, sometimes even reflecting the sun in beautiful patterns. If I should tap it, it has a lovely ring to it. But when I put this glass on the shelf and the wind knocks it over or my elbow brushes it off the table and it falls to the ground and shatters, I say, ‘Of course.’ When I understand that the glass is already broken, every moment with it is precious.”

I've also been working, for a while now, on making good use of my time, and I feel like I am actually getting better at that, which is exciting and satisfying. One of the simplest things is just looking at my list of things to do, when I've got some free time, and working on them, rather than just getting distracted, doing whatever's in front of me, or watching something.

Finally, I continue to be so grateful for the opportunity to work as a therapist. I love my work and it feels like an honor and a privilege to get to be in that position, as my job. It uses my curiosity, compassion, patience, creativity, and passion for growth in a way that is a really good fit. I'm pretty neutral on the paperwork, and when it starts to take a long time, that's a bit of a negative, but I will do it if it means I get to do the actual therapy stuff, as my job. I hope I never take for granted the honor it is, to help people on their healing path, and never grow complacent.

I'll end this one here for now, maybe I'll do another one this weekend.

All the best,

-I

Best Birthday Ever

 OK... I suppose I should talk a bit about the awesome treasure hunt adventure. I'd like to give it more time, but I'm busy busy these days so my posts have to remain short. I'll share a picture of all the materials I was given, that I've taped to the wall to continue to savor it.

It started out in the morning with an envelope I saw outside our front door, as I was about to go for a run. Inside was a mysterious letter, with what looked like a wax seal, telling a story about magical powers passed down on the families 40th birthday. I immediatly knew this was the work of Suzannah, but spared her the pain of trying to hide it, and just thanked her profusely for the absolutly delightful, amazing and wonderful suprize, and told her how psyched I was about this. The letter had specific time frames, so I had time to finish my morning routien (very thoughtful) before I went to the local gaming shop and wispered the secret phrase to the store owner, who then gave me a bag full of packages that said "side quest" which involved a modern polaroid camera and a journal with prompts on each page, which I needed to take pictures of to complete (still working through that one, as it was 40 entries long). I then went back to double check the game shop owner hadn't forgotten anything, because I was supposed to get a map from them. After a bit of confusion, they realized/found the map, and I was on my way to various locations, to match up the magic symbol envelopes with "a person representing that decade of my life" to solve the puzzles included, together. Doing this was as much fun as you might imagine, as I got to meet friends and solve puzzles together, putting together an over-arching message. You'll see in the picture, if the resolution is good enough.

In any case, to keep from talking about it for too long, there were lots of fun little occurances, synchronicities, and mishaps along the way, while getting to go on this adventure with some of my best friends, and solve the mystery to unlock secret powers.

So, far and away the most amazing birthday I've ever had, (even if it wasn't technically on my birthday.) I've always secretly wanted to have someone put together a treasure-hunt/adventure thing like this, for me, but didn't want to ask, as it is way too much work to ask of anyone. Suzannah had been working on it for months, in secret. I have no words to express my gratitude and thanks and awe at what she put together for me, and for all the people involved in it. (shoutout as well to Lila Quests with Chris Grace and Haley Spitzfaden for helping Suzannah create it. That kind of thing is their job and they are great at it <3 )

This birthday was very full of gratitude, for how far I have come in life, for how many of my wishes and dreams have come true, or are coming true, and for what absolutely spectacular people I have in my life, as best friends, family, and my amazing wonderful partner. I feel deeply deeply blessed, and just hope I can pay forward some of that blessing to make other people's lives better as well, in my work and volunteer activities and personal life.

With love and lots of gratitude, 

Isaac

Alphabet soup, Amazing adventures, Gratitude

What have I got... My birthday was great, but there was a lot going on, so I don't think I posted anything last weekend. This will be short as well.

Suzannah did an AMAZING treasure-hunt adventure for me, far and away the best birthday party anyone's ever done for me, so much gratitude, I want to share all about it, but that will definitly be another post. Lots of delicious food. Lots of good times with friends. A nice soliomancy on my birthday morning sunrise. Lots of specifics to share, but not right now.

Then I got sick, and had to cancel travel plans, which is very sad, as they were to go see another friend for their 50th birthday celebrations. Also getting sick is no fun.

Suzannah is working like crazy doing gardening and yard work. It's something she enjoys but I think also feels a need to complete, to the point of working herself to physical exhaustion. I'm sleeping a lot to try and get better quickly. my sickness potions and minerals seem to be helping keep the symptoms pretty low. zinc lozenges and povidone iodine nasal spray for the win.

Getting a few more clients, working (mildly) faster at SOAP notes, put up posters for my group counseling thing I created, but haven't gotten responses from anyone yet. Not exactly sure what I'll do if I don't get anyone for that. Maybe I should put up some posters in more locations.

I really feel like I am in the meat of things now, learning how to do the counseling thing. Also, practicing for the NCMHCE licensing test, something I need to do before I can start practicing as a licensed counselor after graduating. Starting to get better scores on the practice tests I'm doing, which is great news. Hopefully I can take that in the next couple of months.

OK, I think that's all for now. 

Love to you, friends and family,

-I Out

Happy Birthday

 OK, this week is my birthday. And my birthday parties. I always used to get sad when my birthday came around, because it was a time of reflection, and when I reflected on my life, it made me depressed. I was generally unhappy. I didn't have a relationship or job that I wanted, my behavior was off from what I wanted it to be, I felt far away from any spiritual goals I had. 

These recent one's though, I feel pretty grateful about. It has been very slow going, hard to believe I'm about to turn 40, but I finally have a career I'm super happy with. And for the last... hard to believe it's been 7 years now, wow. For the last 7 years, I've had a relationship I'm super happy with. Some of that is luck. But some of that is hard work and persistence and the humility to face what I was doing that wasn't working and learn from it. I think I feel a healthy pride about where I have gotten myself to.

But I think it's so important to recognize all the many, many amazing teachers and mentors and friends and family, who have supported me, lifted me up, inspired and educated me, and guided me with wisdom to where I am now. I don't feel like a fake, helping other people at this point. I am always continuing to grow, but where I am now feels pretty good, and I feel like I earned that, and from there, I have a lot to offer others. It's time to pay it forward, to other people, for all the people that have helped me climb out of my own hole.

And at the same time, I had a recent conversation with a dear friend, and it reminded me of the preciousness of life, and of each day. I carry with me an awareness of death. Tomorrow is not guaranteed to us. Nor is the tomorrow of any of our dearest friends or loved ones. If I lost the person most central to my life tomorrow, I would be devastated, plunged into grief and sadness, and my life would far, far less full of joy, love, and happiness. Overnight, my life could go from what feels like heaven, to a deep pool of sadness, that felt like half my body had just been amputated.

And yet...

Even in that, there is this sadly beautiful love of life.

I know who I am, I know at least the faintest beginning of the trail of my vision and purpose. I know how to grow, and to go on, one step in front of the other, and I have faith in the vast loving intelligence I feel moving underneath and through everything, guiding me with infinite benevolence, even when it feels hard and painful.

And I have faith that I can navigate my way through things. I know which direction to move in, to make my heart sing, and which will chew me up. Sometimes I have to do things that are unpleasant, and I can do that as needed, but I can also recognize when I'm doing that unnecessarily, and stop. (maybe it takes me a little bit to realize that's going on. But that time has gotten shorter.)

I guess I'm just saying, I feel like, even if everything gets taken away, I still feel like I'll be ok. I won't be great, I'll suffer, but I'll make it through. And that feels like safety.

In the meantime, while things are great, it just reminds me to savor and appreciate it properly. And to lean into the things that bring me joy, make my heart sing, and express my unique interests, curiosities, passions. To lean into being me, more and more fully.

As I said, it does not feel like I have arrived at the end of something, but it does feel like of like a bloodhound that has just picked up the scent trail of what it's trying to track. This, after... hmm... maybe 25-ish years of looking? Though it wasn't a binary on-off thing. I guess I'd been catching whiffs of it for a while now, but it finally feels clear enough that there is an actual trail to follow, rather than just being somewhere in the general vicinity of the right place.

I don't know, the analogy isn't great. Finding Suzannah was its own version of this, in a different area of my life, and that was pretty clear 7 years ago. multiple trails, all weaving together into a single rope?

Anyhoo, things are good and full and I continually thank the Creator of my life for all that I have been given, including the rough patches, because they have lead me to where I am now.

So thank you for the greatests gift, that of life itself, and the potential contained in a human life, starting to be experienced as it begins to blossom.

Eustress, Biodomes, The Good Life

Let's try and do a short post. It's already Monday, and tomorrow I plunge back into seeing clients and doing case notes. I've also started to study for the NCMHCE exam, which I'll have to pass to get licensed and be able to continue practicing, after I graduate. I don't think I'm doing too bad, I took some practice tests, but I'm slow, and my performance was all over the place. So: time to study and do practice tests. Ah well. I did it before to get licensed as a teacher, I can do some test prep again. Not the most difficult thing, but time consuming.

My birthday continues to approach. I've got a bunch of ideas for my birthday party, but I am coming to realize I won't have much time to actually prepare for it, so I need to pare back on my preparations and plans. Story of my life, these days.

I'm coming to the realization that for me, 'the good life' = having time to focus deeply on projects and do them well, plus enough stretch to make me put in good effort.

By streatch, I mean the concept that you want your goals to be doable, but a stretch. If they are unrealistic, that can be discouraging, but also if they are too easy, it leads to not putting in as much effort, and then you don't feel as good about what you did. There is a psychological term 'eustress' which means good stress. That is this concept. Having some challenge in life is a good thing, it spurs growth. Like lifting heavy weights. If you only lift weights that are easy for you, you won't get any stronger. And you might not even maintain your fitness. We are creatures of adaptation, and if we don't have difficulty to adapt to, we get weak.

I always think about the biodome trees: trees that were grown under a big biodome, they never had wind that tried to blow them over, so eventually they would grow to tall and just topple over, because their root system was too shallow. No wind to fight against, getting their roots to grow deep.

But you want to find the right balance. Too much, and you injure yourself, or burn out.

OK, back to work (but I guess not for too long, so I can go to bed early. There's that balance again.

Spring, birthday, garden.

 I need to write more posts, so here's a short one that's more of an update than a musing: the leaves are fully out now, spring is in full leaf, the early flowers have bloomed and dropped, the weather is warm and sunny and delightful to be outside in (as long as you are in the shade, or out during sunrise or sunset.) So far the bugs haven't been bad at all, which is a huge blessing here in Iowa, where mosquitoes and biting gnats are the norm. Not sure if that's because of the huge temperature variations waking them up and then freezing them, or it's just not time for them yet, though there are certainly bugs out. Haven't seen any fireflies yet.

I'm thinking about plans for my birthday party. It's 40, so I should probably do something. I feel like my larger parties are more about me giving a gift to others, rather than about me, whereas the small one I do with a few intimate friends, are for my own sake.

Suzannah is hard at work on the garden, pulling up grass/sod to create a vegetable bed, and planting perennials and trees and some of the seedlings she's been growing in the guest bathroom.

The fruit tree's she planted last year had lots of flowers on them, now dropped, and I was worried their branches would break, if they all became fruit, but it looks like the trees were smart enough not to turn any of the flowers into fruit this year, which is fascinating.

OK, I'm gonna arbitrarily end there for now. Perhaps you'll get another some time soon, but probably not until the end of the week. We'll see how things go as I start up internship and need to start adding more clients to my caseload so I can get enough hours to graduate.

I hope you're getting some spring beauty where you are now as well, both internally and externally. I always find it easy to be happy during spring, as long as I get outside regularl.