Puzzle Pieces in the Rain

What is something short I can share? It's been raining a lot. The grass is squishy and tall and the geese are starting to migrate. Oh, I'm really into this deliberate practice course I'm taking. I am in general trying to absolutely minimize the extraneous non-essential stuff I'm doing, but DP (deliberate practice) is a part of my deep passion and the number one most promising thing I've found for my goal of becoming a great therapist (and DP is probably one of the best things for becoming a great anything).

I've always been fascinated by mastery and people who exhibit excellence and mastery, in any field, and wanted to strive for that myself. And it feels like finally I'm in a position to learn how to do that, and actually start moving in that direction. One more piece of the puzzle, coming into place. Deep deep gratitude for all the stepping stones, teachers, friends, mentors, who have helped me along the way, while the puzzle pieces seemed impossibly mixed up and like they would never fit together and form a coherent picture. It feels like they've been starting to for the last several years, and picking up more and more steam, so I can only fall down in gratitude and try to pay it forward as best I can.

Hope you are all finding some time for love and connection and maybe some natural beauty in this crazy hectic human world we live in.

With love, (and gratitude)

Isaac

Mysterious Earthworms, Burnt-out->Grown-in, Gottman and Teaching.

 OK! I caught up last week, I was definitely moving towards burnout, but now I've had a bit of a break, and I'm fresh and ready to get at it again! I'm not getting a real break until December, but the amount of stuff I have to do is not so much it's giving me anxiety. It's still taking a bunch of time over the weekend, not just the work week,  but it's manageable, and there is time to do fun stuff and be with friends and family as well, so, all good. And, I'm starting to get more new clients, so that's also good. I need them, to get my hours in.  But it's at least back to possible.

There are earthworms trying to get into our front door. I'm a fan on synchronicity, but I'm currently boggled by what it means. These huge earthworms are hanging out right in the nook outside our door, one of them even crawled up the top of the door (!!!) and was hanging down, spooking Suzannah, in the morning. And a couple times, we found them inside, right where the doormat would be. What does it mean!?!? (Don't answer that, rhetorical question. I believe people need to interpret their own signs and synchronicities.)

I'm enjoying working with couples. I've been a fan and a student of Gottman's work for a long time, so it's fun getting to go even deeper into it, and to share it with others. The groups I'm leading take the most time, because I'm going over my lesson plan and fine-tuning it each week. But it's a nice intersection of my work as a teacher and my work as a therapist.

OK, Gonna stop there, maybe I'll write another short one to chip away at the blog backlog. (That has a nice ring to it)

I Out :-)

Burnout zone.

OK, I am in burnout zone. I can last a week or two but I can't keep going at this rate of work. I am working all week, and most of the weekend, and it doesn't feel like I'm getting ahead, somehow it feels like I'm falling further behind, while still managing to keep my head just above water. Maybe it's because I'm still doing the things I absolutely have to do, while more and more things that I really should do but don't absolutely have to, are falling further and further behind. I see trouble up ahead, but I don't know what to do about it, so I just keep worrying in the back of my mind while focusing in the next big thing that needs to get done right now. 

I also need even more clients, to get enough hours to graduate, but I'm already drowning in paperwork, along with all the other stuff. 

The positive is that it will all be over in less than three months, which really isn't that long, and maybe it will mellow out a bit before that, once I'm caught up on hours? Maybe. Either way, 3 months really isn't that long, it will be over in a snap. I just don't want to be burned out for my clients along the way.

On the positive side, being so over my head will definitely force me to do a shoddier job on all the stuff I spend too much time on, so that's good.

That's all for this week, gotta get back to it. This blog post is one of those things I'm gonna be doing a shoddier job on for the next while ;D

Hummingbirds, wall-staring, word of hand (not of mouth).

 Hello. It is I. But not AI. I'm writing this by hand, not by mouth (meaning, I'm not dictating it and having AI transcribe it. Faster, but also often does weird things in the transcription process)

Something about handmade goods. I bet they will get more popular in niche ways as AI gets more  ubiquitous.

In any case, another really short one. I'm kind of incredibly busy. I've been working really hard, and really focused. I've gotten a LOT done over this weekend, but there is still a LOT more to go. I'm at the point where I'm cutting out things from my day and routine that I really don't want to. And truncating other things that I'd like to be spending more time on. It is helping. But I'm still just hanging on by my fingernails, it feels like.

Maybe this is ironic? Or just common sense? But being this urgently overful of stuff that really needs to, or that I really want to, get done, is making me more efficient and focused with my time and energy. If I could bottle and duplicate this level of focus and triage, when I'm not this urgently busy, I'd be a lot more productive in general. There is unfortunately a level of stress associated with this level of urgency and too much to do, that is not the kind of feeling you want to live with, day in and day out. But perhaps if I pendulated it (I like that word. 'pendulation'. It's a good therapy word.) and went back and forth between bursts of focused work, and deep rest, it would be good.

OK, I'm back to work now, but only for another... 45 minutes or so. Then I'm going to try to go to bed, nice and early...ish.

Honestly, it feels ok. I think I was inspired by some youtube videos encouraging people to 'take boring breaks'. Meaning, don't scroll, or watch stuff, but just let your mind have some space, sit and enjoy nature (or stare at a wall, apparently) and then you will eventually WANT to get back to work. I don't know if that's the active ingredient in why I'm working better, it might have nothing to do with that and just be about last minute panic focusing me, but I think it's either working, or placebo working, to make the process of focused intense work more pleasant and effective. In either case, I'll take it.

I saw a hummingbird at my sit spot, twice this week! Today, I got to see it sitting still on a tree branch for a bit, and even chirping it's cute little bird song! I always consider a hummingbird spotting magical, so I feel very blessed.

OK, that's all I'm gonna write for this week. Keeping up with things, but keeping them simple and quick. That's the name of the game, currently.

Time, Vastness, Value.

 Hello! Another short one. Expect them all to be this way, for the next few months leading up to graduation. I hope graduation. We'll see how I'm doing with hours. Currently, I'm behind.

Had some fun playing games with friends the other night. Been working all day today. Emails. I need to spend less time on emails. I'm noticing a pattern: I spend too much time writing stuff. This is another one of those strengths/weakness' depending on the context. If my job is writing a lot, and thoughtfully: strength. If my job is writing quick short things: weakness. I really need to design my life as best I can to capitalize on my strengths and not focus so much on my weaknesses.

In any case, My life is now paperwork. As if it wasn't already. Now I've got my capstone class as well, which is just a bunch more writing. Lots of writing. I don't mind that. I just don't want to do it on a deadline that also requires a bunch more writing that can't all fit into that timeline. I will get through it somehow, as always.

Taking breaks, to just sit outside and let my awareness expand, listen to the crickets and watch the wind in the trees, helps a lot. Nature is so much more real and vast and beautiful than this glowing screen I spend so much time in front of. It's kind of odd, to think about how much time I spend writing imaginary words on a glowing screen. What is it that will last or be meaningful, at the end of my life? The time spend relishing nature, for sure. The time spent on logistical email correspondence... not so much. The time spent on writing deep thoughts... maybe. The time and energy spent acting in accordance with my deepest values: definitely.

Thunder, Dosas, Fullness

 I am working hard at all the things. You know, I actually enjoy working on things, getting them done. The issue is just when there are more things than there is time to do them... which I guess is always? 

Anyhoo, I'm not sure I can do it all in the alloted time. I'm wondering if I will need to get an extension on my internship, do an extra semester of it, to make sure I get all my hours in. Kind of like I decided to go down from three to two classes a semester, and it made life way better. If so, better to know sooner rather than later, so I'm not killing myself will all the super full days and long evenings of writing progress notes. Note sure yet.

So much going on. Getting interest in a second therapy group I might be running, doing inake/screener sessions with the people who are interested, about to start the psychoeducational group that is definitly happening. About to start working with a couple, and so wanting to study up on the Gottman method. Doing a paperwork audit and treatment plan updates. Oh, and I've got a dentist appointment. That's all just today and tomorrow.

As I said, too much. Even if I'm working hard at it. I could be working even harder, but at some point of working all the time, you start burning out, and I'm trying to avoid that very carefully.

Lots of cucumbers from the garden! A cooking lesson from an amazing Indian cook! Cat cuddles! Wife cuddles! Life is full and good, and I am behind on paperwork. I guess that's the one-sentence summary. A beautiful full moon, and partial eclipse recently. And an owl sighting, last night. A few end of season fireflies, lots of cricket song (and other bugs as well, I assume, I love the summer symphony of bugs.) And some nice stormy weather, with trees blowing about like a storm was coming, and some thunder today, but very little rain.

With love, and wishes for your happiness

I Out

Vacation! Over.

 Well, it was nice and I didn't spend time doing things I normally do, like update my blog or check work emails (much) or such. Spent time at the beach, spent time playing with extended family. Ate some good food, did some puzzles, went to bed late. Tomorrow is back to work, and I'm currently in transit. It was nice. I can tell because I'm not ready for it to end. That might also be a bit of reluctance to go back to the long hours and hard work and worrying about getting all my hours in. You can see just how much time I'm spending on notes, above and beyond what I should be spending, by the ratio of hours I've got (I'm tracking it, because I need to make sure I get enough hours by the end of the year).

Direct hours this semester: 90

Amount I should have gotten: 120

Indirect hours last semester: 223

Amount I should have gotten: 180

As you can see, I'm waaay over my direct hours, and significantly under my indirect. I estimate I need about 10 hours per week minimum, every week from now on, to graduate, which means usually a full case lode of 5 clients per day, since about a third of them can end up canceling. In fact, of the 10 or so clients I've just added (remember intake paperwork is the worst) Two have left, one hasn't showed up lately and so is probably leaving, another hasn't showed up at all and so is probably not even starting, and another one of my longer term clients has basically met all their goals, and so we're terminating treatment. I need to figure out the churn, of how many clients I need to be continually adding in, to make sure I stay at the numbers I need.

It will be a relief to be off the clock after December and not have to worry about hitting an arbitrary number by an arbitrary date.

I got some cool beach rocks, a squishy stress ball, and some good memories. I was able to have some nice conversations with my relatives. I had fun.

The end!

I out.