Nishkama Karma, Curmudgeonly old man, Prochaska's transtheoretical model of change

 OK, I finally finished a big project I was slowly working on, my renewal of creative path (ROCP). If you want to know more about it, I'll let the person who taught me about it, teach you:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eY-TzXf9lVI

https://open.spotify.com/show/3RXH7e7UJo51D56HEZ2ZPT

In any case, I'm now working on a new project. I am listening to/reading a book by John Norcross walking through the science and implementation of Prochaska's transtheoretical model of change, so I'm going to try applying that to this. Though I'll be using some other strategies I already know as well. This is about behavior change, related to making good use of my time. Which is a tricky and complex thing to address, because there are so many elements to it and ways of thinking about it and approaching it, so to start off with I was just trying to get a bit more of a clear handle on what I actually want, out of this goal/behavior change.

I have kind of moved a bit away from the direct "do things faster" or "get a better system so you can do more things" approach, to think more about the want behind that goal. Really, I want to be able to look back at my day and feel good about how I spent it. That's about a lot more than timeboxing and having a todo list. It's about how I choose what to work on, and also the way, I do things. Think of the old cliche about doing the dishes as a spiritual practice. Anything you do can be elevated to become something meaningful, if you do it in the right way. Spiritualizing the mundane, maybe you'd call it.

From this perspective, the specific systems for organizing and time management are less important, though they still may play a role some of the time. It's a lot more about choosing what I do mindfully, and doing it in a good way. Mindfully doesn't really capture it though, it's just a buzzword. I've got very specific examples and peak experiences from my own life that make it much more concrete and specific for me.

 It's about nishkama karma, or karma yoga, partially. It's about living in the immensity, the mystery, and as a part of the underlying reality of love and unity. Acting from that place, and letting go of attachment and over-thinking about the results, so as to focus fully on the doing. And acting from a place of love, connection, and transpersonal identification, again, so that action is coming from a good place. I do not think the ends justify the means, because the same basic action done with love vs. selfishness can have very different results and repercussions, both for oneself and the others it effects.

This is the "Filtering" project I'd been talking about previously. It's the same thing, just with me trying to specify and operationalize it for myself. It's still not simple though, which makes me think I've got a good way to go on it still. Once I can elegantly summarize it from personal experience, I'll know I've got the hang of it.

In any case, previously I was just kind of idly thinking about it, but now I'm starting to activly take steps towards implementing it.

That's where I am for today.

Progress notes still taking an hour a pop. Practicum is coming to a close in a few weeks. Internship will then start up, and I'll need to take on twice as many clients to make sure I get all my hours it, which will be a lot. Also, I'll need to study for and take the counselor certification exam. So, it's gonna be very full, even though I won't have a second class I'm doing at the same time.

Also, apparently my 40th birthday is coming up. Kinda odd to think about but not that odd, I've felt like a curmudgeonly 90 year old man since I was a kid and often think about my death, so it's not too big of a jump :D

I've got to go now, so I guess I'm ending this for now.

All the best, dear friends and family,

-I Out.

Trust, Hormones, Letting Go(d)

 Let's see. We've started IVF, which involves a lot of injections. Hopefully it will result in a new life, which goes along with the spring celebration theme. I finally had a chance to finish my renewal of creative path project, something like creating a vision or north-star ideal scene for direction.

We celebrated Passover for the last three days. Suzannah is a bit overwhelmed I think. Taking hormones is rough, it messes with how you're feeling. And there was a lot of cooking and a bunch of other stuff going on all at once. I think she's doing a good job dealing with all the stressors, but that doesn't make it easy.

I'm thinking about time in a different way. Rather than trying to push and squeeze, I'm working on releasing. Trying to release expectations and things that are causing me unnecessary pressure, as well as trying to release self-expectations and standards and completionism that takes of my time than some tasks are actually worth. As well as release some of the pressure and "should"s that I put on myself that make time feel more squished and tight. As well as the distractions I give myself that tend to shrink the felt sense of how much time I have.

It's a more gentle and kind approach to myself than I've done in the past, and it feels good, but is yet to bear much fruit. We'll see how it goes.

OK, time to write a paper and do a weekly review today. Which seem like excellent opportunities to practice this letting go of perfection and completeness and leaning into Self trust.

You know I'll keep you updated,

With love,

Isaac

Spring celebrations and rules lawyering

I just gathered up all the blog post recurring 'todos' that I haven't yet done. it looks like a lot. Not sure If I've continued to get behind, or just haven't had time to catch up from a while ago. So, a brief update, and maybe a second short blog post, to catch up. We'll see. Finally caught up with paperwork, but it's still taking me well over an hour to do the paperwork for each hour long session. That's not sustainable. I'm continuing to try and shorten the process, but so far, I've only made incremental progress. However, it's the same approach I take to any problem in my like that I decide to fix, I just keep at it, trying different approaches, or refining my current approach, until I get to a point that's good enough. However, I'm more time bound than normal, because my internship is coming up shortly, and I need to go from 5 clients a week to more like 12. And I should start adding clients sooner, rather than later, because the initial paperwork takes even longer, so it's important not to have more than one of those a day. best not to have too many in a week either, lest I get too far behind or have too much to do in the evenings, leading to me staying up late.

There's also the end of the semester coming up, and thus a bunch of papers. So... maybe not catching up that much on my blog posts. This is enough for one though, so I'll end it here and start a second. Rules lawyering for the wind! A venerable Jewish and gamer tradition. Oh, happy Passover, if your Jewish, and happy Easter, if your Christian. And I guess I already missed happy equinox, if your...what would you call that? I'm thinking 'Pagan'? But that seems like a catch-all. Nature-based?

Anyhoo, happiness to you, every day of the year.

-I Out