So I've been talking about this "navigation by felt-sense" thing that is difficult to describe, but has been very powerful for me. And of course, when I find something cool that's really helpful, I want to share it with others. But as I think about doing that, two issues come to mind:
1. I've been working on this for a long time. The various strands that had to come together stretch back probably almost 20 years. I think I've forgotten how challenging a lot of the process is, forgotten a lot of the road bumps and difficulties, and so trying to teach someone else may run into the problem that experts get when I ask them to explain how they are so good at what they do (like I was trying to do with teachers I really admired.) So much has become automatic, that they are not really good at actually teaching what they do. They think things should be easy and obvious, but there are a dozen steps of gradual increases in skill and awareness that need to happen, to get to that point, and they've forgotten about them. So I'm not sure I'll actually be able to teach this well. Though I'd really like to, since it's so useful to me. but that leads to the second issue:
2. This is a problem/pattern I think most people have issues with, including me. The pattern goes like this: we discover something that is great for us: a diet, a dating strategy that lands us our partner, a type of exercise, a form of spirituality or religion, a brand of barbecue sauce. So we tell all our friends they should do x thing as well. We are very convinced of the things goodness and efficacy and stridently argue for it with whoever seems less than blissfully content. The intention is good: we found something that changed our lives for the better and want other people to have that as well. Unfortunately, it turns out not to be that helpful for them. People are unique and complex, and something that happens to be really useful for one person, at that particular point in their life, with that particular confluence of internal and external factors, is not actually useful for the other person, with their different set of factors. Your friend doesn't need the barbeque sauce or to find God, it turns out they need something entirely different. Something you don't know.
The issues this leads to are varied: if the acquaintance is desperate enough or unsure of themselves, then your confidence convinces them and they do the thing. But likely it doesn't work. Then maybe you say they must not be doing it right, or enough, and maybe they try even harder, but it's still not working, because it will never solve their problem, because they need a nail hammered and you're telling them to use this great screwdriver. So they waste a bunch of their time and maybe feel like there is something wrong with them, or maybe they get irritated at you and stop trusting your advice, or they start getting tired of you continually suggesting they take up aerobic snorkeling practice or start reading Nietzsche, and they start avoiding you or internally rolling their eyes and tuning out when you talk about it.
There are other possibilities as well. The bottom line is, many of us have this tendency, and it's not actually helpful when we do it, and I'm concerned this felt-sense thing might be one of those situations, so if I do want to make it more accessible to people who are interested, I need to make sure I'm not falling into that pothole.
Then there are those people like me (past me? I hope?) who already think there's something wrong with them they need to fix, and are actively looking for answers. When they find someone who sounds confident enough and makes a good enough case for their thing, they give it a try. Seems harmless, but if they do it again and again, it ends up wasting a bunch of time. I think these people need something to help empower them to trust themselves and figure out what they need for themselves. Self-referencing vs. deferring to outside authority.
That is a process in itself though, and not a quick one, in my experience.
As with all this stuff. It's not a binary, some authority and outside direction is useful. Doctors and medical tests and teachers and mentors. You just hope you get good ones that keep nudging you to be more and more self-referential rather than making you more and more reliant on them. I guess I'm just making note of the potential issues with sharing this.
for #1, I probably need to do regular checking in and getting feedback, to make sure things are actually landing properly and helping. for #2, I need to make sure I'm leaning towards supporting self determination and self-referencing and building of self-confidence vs. creating dependencies. And primarily that I am not doing any pushing. I want to throw a party and invite people, not crash someone else's party and make it about me.
That's my thoughts for this week. Wanted to write this one down as it seems actually important since I may reference and use these thoughts at some point down the line, if I do try and share this with others.
All good to you, whoever is reading this.
-Isaac
P.S. this is completely skipping the other similar looking situation, where someone is doing something, and has serious doubts about it themselves, and tries to convince other people to do the thing too, in order to shore up their own feelings of uncertainty. Or similarly, the person is NOT doing the thing, and instead of working on themselves, points the arrow outside, focusing on how OTHER people should be doing the thing. There's not really anything to ponder there about right and wrong, though, so not worth a post. Just needs to be identified and avoided.
