Trust, Hormones, Letting Go(d)

 Let's see. We've started IVF, which involves a lot of injections. Hopefully it will result in a new life, which goes along with the spring celebration theme. I finally had a chance to finish my renewal of creative path project, something like creating a vision or north-star ideal scene for direction.

We celebrated Passover for the last three days. Suzannah is a bit overwhelmed I think. Taking hormones is rough, it messes with how you're feeling. And there was a lot of cooking and a bunch of other stuff going on all at once. I think she's doing a good job dealing with all the stressors, but that doesn't make it easy.

I'm thinking about time in a different way. Rather than trying to push and squeeze, I'm working on releasing. Trying to release expectations and things that are causing me unnecessary pressure, as well as trying to release self-expectations and standards and completionism that takes of my time than some tasks are actually worth. As well as release some of the pressure and "should"s that I put on myself that make time feel more squished and tight. As well as the distractions I give myself that tend to shrink the felt sense of how much time I have.

It's a more gentle and kind approach to myself than I've done in the past, and it feels good, but is yet to bear much fruit. We'll see how it goes.

OK, time to write a paper and do a weekly review today. Which seem like excellent opportunities to practice this letting go of perfection and completeness and leaning into Self trust.

You know I'll keep you updated,

With love,

Isaac

Spring celebrations and rules lawyering

I just gathered up all the blog post recurring 'todos' that I haven't yet done. it looks like a lot. Not sure If I've continued to get behind, or just haven't had time to catch up from a while ago. So, a brief update, and maybe a second short blog post, to catch up. We'll see. Finally caught up with paperwork, but it's still taking me well over an hour to do the paperwork for each hour long session. That's not sustainable. I'm continuing to try and shorten the process, but so far, I've only made incremental progress. However, it's the same approach I take to any problem in my like that I decide to fix, I just keep at it, trying different approaches, or refining my current approach, until I get to a point that's good enough. However, I'm more time bound than normal, because my internship is coming up shortly, and I need to go from 5 clients a week to more like 12. And I should start adding clients sooner, rather than later, because the initial paperwork takes even longer, so it's important not to have more than one of those a day. best not to have too many in a week either, lest I get too far behind or have too much to do in the evenings, leading to me staying up late.

There's also the end of the semester coming up, and thus a bunch of papers. So... maybe not catching up that much on my blog posts. This is enough for one though, so I'll end it here and start a second. Rules lawyering for the wind! A venerable Jewish and gamer tradition. Oh, happy Passover, if your Jewish, and happy Easter, if your Christian. And I guess I already missed happy equinox, if your...what would you call that? I'm thinking 'Pagan'? But that seems like a catch-all. Nature-based?

Anyhoo, happiness to you, every day of the year.

-I Out