Fractal God Geometry, Childlike Awe.

 I started talking about this in a previous post: the return of childlike wonder. I was thinking about it, as I washed my hands the other day, and noticed the soap happened to be making particularly good, big bubbles. Maybe there was something about the light as well, but it was beautiful, and made me reflect on being a child, and playing with bubbles, with joy and awe and wonder. Soap bubbles are pretty amazing. this perfect, super thin sphere, swirling with iridescint colors. And if your hands are soapy enough, you can even hold them and move them around. And the way they interact with other bubbles, an organic, fractal kind of geometry.

I remember making wire-frame type structures to dunk in bubble solution, and making different shapes with it, like cube bubbles, and such. And I was just feeling grateful, that I could still wonder at and enjoy the beauty and order and mystery and depth of complexity, in the world. In fact, it doesn't feel like I can 'still' do it, but more like I had somewhat forgotten how to do it, and slowly, it is coming back to me.

It reminds me of some of my recent dreams. At least two, maybe three recent dreams, I've been bawling in them, deep heaving sobs crying. You might think that's a bad sign, but I really enjoy that kind of cathartic depth of feeling. My emotions are generally pretty even, and so something like deep, moving sadness, can have a refreshing quality. Like the tears are washing away some long caked on dirt. Sometimes, in my dreams, I'm sobbing for God. I'm feeling, deeply, the loss of God not being there, or at least, not feeling him there, in my heart, in my experience, and I wonder if that is a little taste of what some of the Indian scriptures talk about, with the Gopi's, the cowherd women devotees of Krishna. That deep heartfelt yearning for God draws God irresistibly to you, so say the scriptures. And so that kind of sadness, those tears, are precious.

Because I believe that journey to One requires incredible focus, dedication, intensity. And so a depth of feeling, yearning, is a great gift in that journey.

One phrase that has stuck with me, I think from the Bhagavatam, a series of stories about God in his/her/its various forms, I think in fact another Krishna story, one devotee (maybe even a gopi devotee) says something like 'may I always have pain, so that I never forget to think of you, oh my Krishna.'

Finally, the soap bubble motif made me think of another saying from my favorit spiritual teacher, that goes something like, 'the body is like a water bubble, the mind is like a mad monkey, so don't follow the body, don't follow the mind. Follow the conscience, which is the voice of God within you.' That part about the body being a water bubble, made me think of those bubbles. He's talking about our bodys impermanence. Not even a soap bubble, which can last a little longer. Just a water bubble. Appearing for a moment, only to pop and merge back in with the sea.