OK! I am caught up on paperwork for work. Now I can focus again on the other stuff I put on the back-burner to get that done, such as taxes...
On a positive note: for several months (a year?) I've been keeping a "curiosity/motivation" journal. I wanted to improve my motivation, feed my curiosity, so I had the engine I needed to put in the hard work required for mastery. And you know what? I feel like I got there. I'm highly motivated currently. I think the main thing that did it was actually starting to practice as a therapist. I love my work, and it lights me up, and it kind of feels like that being lit up bleeds over into my whole life. That is fantastic, and deserves a celebration.
I am now onto a new thing (because there's always a next thing) and that is what I've been calling my FILTERING project. After a cute CBT style short story for kids about "filtering fish." My message is different than the one in the story, which is about not thinking only about the negative in a situation and assuming the worst. My filtering is about prioritization, mainly. I call it filtering, because to prioritize feels like a task by task thing, while my issue often happens within tasks. I'm doing the right task, but I get sidetracked in the middle, or spend to long on a specific portion of it, and that part shouldn't get done, or shouldn't have that much time spent on it.
Some of that relies on my ability to focus, and stay focused, not getting pulled off by distractions.
But another part of it is my ability to let go. We all have the desire to complete things we start, and I have a desire to do things well, if I'm doing them at all. The ability to let go of something, even if I've already started it, is important, and the ability to realize something does not require my full maximum effort/time input, and let it get done just to the level necessary, is connected to this ability to let go. I can get focus locked on something I'm working on, partially this is my mind fooling me into staying focused on it for long periods, without coming up for air, because 'it's gonna take a long time so I need to get it done as quickly as possible' which means not taking breaks. BUT, I think there's also a part of me that realizes, in these situations, that if I do take a break to clear my mind and get some perspective, I'll realize it's not a good idea to keep working on it, and I'll stop, and Isaac in the moment wants to finish it, so in order to sneakily get myself to not stop myself, I just don't let myself have that space to think, and keep working on it till it's done. Then I come up for air and realize 'what the heck did I just spend 3 hours on?' but by then it's too lake.
So again, a part of that is letting go. Being willing to let go of what I'm focusing on, being willing to be wrong, and stop working on it. Being willing to at least pause and check in if it's really what I feel like I should be doing.
I've always been slow. Slow and careful and thoughtful. Though paradoxically, some of my most enjoyable moments and days have been when I've been quick and spontaneous and creative and not at all careful. Doing improv, writing and creating quickly, without editing or worrying about quality. I have kind of taken that type of activity away from myself, over the last many years, and I'd really, really like to give it back to myself. That's a bit of a digression, though an important and related one.
The point I was making was I'm slow, and careful, and get things done slowly, which means I can't do as great a quantity of things as other people, and thus it behooves me even more than the average person, to be very thoughtful and careful with my time and attention. Prioritizing well is even more important.
And ultimately, one of the best ways to do that is very simple: just take a break frequently, a real break, let my mind relax and expand, preferably in nature, and then ask myself from that wiser place, what the best next thing to do is (and how to go about doing it, sometimes what to do is obvious, but how to do it is often more nuanced and hard to get right. I'm thinking about the Bhagavad-Gita advice about renunciation of the fruits of action and Karma Yoga in general.)
OK! That's this weeks post.
With love, and wishing you all good, dear friend or family <3
-IO
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