Yes, still a bit behind.
Let me tell you what feels AMAZING. Having a big ol' list of todo's on my task card, and smashing through all of them, plus a bunch of extra curveballs that got thrown at me today. This is what I've been waiting for. Time. TIME. Time to close a bunch of the open loops that have been sitting around in the back of my brain and scattered around the house, nagging me every time my eyes fall on them, until I go blind to them altogether, and just feel unconsciously stressed simply walking from room to room, because I'm subconsciously (or often consciously) reminded of all the things that need doing, that I have not done, because there are time sensitive essential things that need to get done now.
And so I live in a sea of minor stress, like death by a thousand papercuts. And I bear with it, because it's not responsible to stop what I'm doing and take care of all these minor issues. They're none of them really important, they're none of them making a big difference. But all together, they do make a signifigant difference. The difference between living in a space that feels together, and a space that feels incomplete, under construction, waiting to be finished. And cluttered.
Now. NOW I get to work towards actually completing it. Yes I know, nothing will ever actually be complete. But it can be well functioning. It can be current, where the incomplete things come from what is coming in day to day, rather than incomplete even when the day to day is taken care of, because of the backlog.
So perhaps I sound a little manic. I do kind of imagine myself laughing like a supervillain or something, it's like this is too satisfying, I must be doing something wrong. Eating two pieces of chocolate cake for breakfast.
But part of what feels so good, is this stuff is actually getting done. And has been for several days. I haven't been going at an exausting pace, and there's been time to play with Suzannah and enjoy my break. But, unlike what has sometimes happened in the past, where I have squandered my time, I am not squandering. I'm using well. And I'm not getting (too) sidetracked, I am doing what I set out to accomplish.
This bodes well for my coming fall semester, where I am likely stepping down from three classes per semester to two. The concern is that I will squander my free time. The hope is that I will take the intensity of focus I've been required to master, to get all my work done on time, and have some to spare for important projects aside form school. I think this may be a good use of my time and energy. There is a loss of efficiency you can get, when learning things, when you mono-task too much. Spending all your time learning piano is great if you want to be the worlds best pianist, but if you have multiple things you want to learn, you are better served interleaving them, spacing your repetition, taking breaks from your work to do different work. And having a balanced life involves daily application of multiple different domains, not just writing papers and reading books. Learning to cook. Strength training. Spending time to nurture relationships and friendships. Volunteering. Pursuing interests and passions and creating.
So I think it's a good idea. On the other hand, I haven't definitivy decided because: finishing 8 months earlier. If I blaze through classes and keep grinding, I can finish 8 months faster. Is it work it? Part of me wants to finish, be done with it, and get on with the more practical stuff. But the other part wants to take my time, go deep, and be balanced. Kinda sounds like a no brainer. Oh, except part of me also wants to start helping and working with people, right now. I don't want to be waiting. Maybe I can do that anyways. Anyone can hang up a shingle and call themselves a life coach, maybe I can start offering freebies as a 'life coach' just to start getting some experience. Or even charging for it? Or start working for someone in a position where I'm helping but don't need the credentials yet? That is all very much just beginning to think about, as I write it.
But anyways. That's where I'm at.
Maybe next time I'll talk about what I'm working on learning over the break, beyond just checking off todo's.
Love and joy,
Isaac
Isaac
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