Juice, Life, Time.

 I had already canceled part of my trip, I'm now canceling the rest. It was a hard decision, but I think I should be here for Suzannah, I think travel, especially plane travel should only be done when it's really important, as it affects the environment, and I think I have so much to do, I really need to stop adding more things to the mix and start working on the things that are already there.

As I've mentioned before, I realize I'm not going to get more hours in the day, or be able to do things much faster, so my only hope of having more time is to do less stuff.

There's more to it. Not getting distracted. Not taking a long time on something that only requires a short time. And more than just doing less, being really conscious and deliberate in what I do choose to do.

Moving faster when appropriate is a part of it too. I am slow.

Thinking less as well. I seem to have a tendency to do a lot of thinking. I think that is one of my gifts, sometimes, but it is also sometimes inappropriate, unnecessary, a symptom of FOMO (fear of missing out) or procrastination, instead of being useful problem solving, deliberation, or creation.

I have a pretty simple overarching goal right now, but it is deeply complex and challenging. I just want to end my day, with the knowledge that I really squeezed the juice out of it, used my precious time, day, life, well, and can go to sleep without any regrets. If I can do that day by day, then that will build into a life that can end with that feeling as well. A day, a life, well lived.

I'd say, when I was younger, in a scale of 1-10. I was living a 2-3 generally. My days not well spent, my life not well spent. Now, I feel like I am kind of at a 6. For a while, it was a 5. right in the middle. Not badly spent, no deep regrets, but also, not great. The feeling that there could be so much more. Now, it feels like I am just starting to peek into that possibility. Just beginning to touch something that feels deeply satisfying, meaningful, in my life, day to day, as a way of living.

Trying to move into that more is like trying to push through a rubber barrier or something. It requires continual focus, effort, pushing against my own inertia, both physical and mental. But it is intrinsically deeply rewarding as well.

In the Indian cosmology, time is a form of God. My awareness of time makes me grateful for each second I have, and makes me want to honor that gift by making good use of it.