trying hard to get back to zero. work, not enough work, and more work.

OK, almost back on track.

I spent... how long have I been doing this... well, I was doing normal upkeep, cleaning, laundry, from maybe 2 to 4, and then going through my over-stuffed inbox until now, 8:30. This doesn't mean I did everything in my inbox. No no no, that is an entirely different step. I'm just trying to process it, for now. things that need to get filed, get filed, things that need to get done, get put in a location where I can look through them, either entered onto my computer todo list program, or in a bin with a sticky-note that tells me what needs to be done with them.

I am sad. I had this beautiful three day weekend, and I spent most of it just doing fun, playful things. I perhaps needed that, but I really wanted to get a whole lot done instead. I got... some stuff done. I'm still getting some stuff done. But not nearly as much as I would have liked.

I suppose I must be gentle on myself. But I'm not really being hard on myself about it. I just feel a bit anxious. like I'm not well prepared. That is maybe sadly inevitable though. I think I have a fair idea of how much time it would take me to feel well prepared, or at least reasonably prepared, for life to go on, and I'd put it at about two weeks of hard work. Maybe two and a half. If I was really pushing it, I could maybe get it all done in one and a half.

I need to be more of a machine in how I get stuff done. I'm trying to facilitate that by what I'm doing right now, organizing and setting up next actions with all of my todo's, so when I actually have some time to do it, I don't need to waste it trying to remember what I have to do or decide what the next step is.

I must say, as I get close to an empty inbox, it feels reaaaaly nice. papers filed, room cleaned, next actions clearly delineated. It makes for a clearer mind. Simpler. Over the summer, I had a tremendous amount of work, but I was able to do it pretty efficiently, because it was all very easy to put into todo lists and just go through them, checking them off as I went. I saw how long things were taking, I saw how much time I needed to finish them, and that itself created more motivation to keep working. I'd like to create that for myself, in a non-artificial way. School kind of does that for you, which is nice for getting an exceptional amount of work done, but in real life, you have to make your own assignments and rubrics, most of the time. One of those useful meta-skills we never bother to teach, for some reason.

OK, I'm... not sure if I'm going back to work or straight to bed so I can get up super early and get some more work done then. In any case, time to stop talking/writing.

to my dear friends and family, I love you deeply. to people who I don't know who have somehow found this, um hi. Have a nice week. and any other category of friend, may you have an excellent week. ^_^

-I