Time for

 I am writing this on my iPads on screen keyboard because my attached keyboard is apparently no longer supported. ...

So this will have to be very short because it takes much longer to write anything.

I mentioned something about the two week “rule” last time, but didn’t realize it was supported by supernatural means as well. After embarking on this journey to ultimately have more time for important things via organization and time management, it seems like several unlikely events are occurring at the same time to try and knock or pressure me from that path. How? As always, by making me feel like I have even less time than usual. By making it hard to keep up with the habits that will ostensibly lead to better time management. At the same time, I think some of it is just the learning curve. As I go about trying to do this, I’m going to encounter many things which I’m not doing well. And so, I will fail. And hopefully learn, so it happens less often.

That’s all I’ve got time for. Take care.

Beyond the two week limit

 OK, as I thought (but did not promise. I try not to promise much, because I really try to keep my promises.) I’m doing the second post, the one for this weekend, on my usual “few minutes after lunch, before my lunch-break ends” schedule.

I’ve done a lot of stuff that would go under the “self-help” category in bookstores. Or fall under the “personal development” category. Some would say too much. One thing I noticed as a common and repeating theme, was that it is relatively easy to get people excited and inspired to do something, for a few weeks. People come off of the weekend pumped, or finish the book (or start in the middle of the book) to change things, do something new and cool, and then notice positive changes in their life. This is common, in the self-help/personal development field. You can reliably get this experience. What is much less common, is the changes persisting for more than a few weeks. Or occasionally months. Life tends to creep back in, and without the injection of inspiration and motivation and getting pumped up or excited, the new behaviors fall away, fade away, drop off. And then it’s back to business as usual. 

I’m not blaming the people who are writing the books or running the courses. I’m not a hundred percent sure why this phenomena happens, or what could be done to prevent it. Often a few people will take something from a book/course, and run with it, stick with it, and it will change them permanently. But the book itself is not responsible for that, it is the person who happens to have whatever it takes to persevere, in that particular instance.

I mention this as I think about all the work I put into getting the GTD system up and running this last week, reviewing the important steps and making sure the system was tailored to my needs so I could use it effectively. Immediately I noticed an improvement in my focus and ability to get the right things done, and reduction of stress. So that’s nice. But I am wary of the two-week thing common to these kinds of things. I think I have made myself more likely to be one of the people who is changed, by first working on installing good habit-building habits and skills. But one of those tools is just remembering that it’s not going to be quick or easy, and girding yourself for that reality.

It does feel good to have all the moving parts in my system brushed up and shiny, but, realistically, how am I going to keep it functioning smoothly like that, when I don’t have multiple days off to review, reflect and, refresh my system. Well, we’ll see. I’m trying to give it at least two hours a week where I do that, if that’s not enough, then it will be what it will be. It’s not an all or nothing thing, so I will be making progress no matter what, as long as I put in a small minimum amount of time. That I can do.

Spring break over, I’m now commencing looking forward to the next break. Did I say this before?: I think something is wrong, when my job is lived weekend to weekend and break to break. But then again, as I said previously, this is the crucible. Hopefully something useful is being forged or formed within it’s fire-y heat.

-I Out

Short post: spring, The Crucible, refinement.

 A week late. But not just from being busy. I took a full two days of my week vacation off, just to play, not thinking about time or obligations. It was very nice. I can't wait for summer, when I'll be able to take whole weeks off, to just play, be in nature, have fun with my wife ^_^

But for now, school is starting up tomorrow again! I had a good amount of time to reflect and refine my organizational system. It required some deep thinking, so it would not have happened without this break-time.

Reflecting back, on the one hand, I'm busy and tired and at times anxious about work. I don't feel like I'm doing a very good job at it. On the other hand, the crucible of it all, the intensity, the minimal time and energy I have to use, are a great training ground for being effective with my time, energy, and actions. People rarely change unless they are sufficiently uncomfortable. I get the fortune of being uncomfortable enough, that I'm willing to put in a lot of energy to make changes to my life, to try and improve things. It's not the kind of gift I would give someone for Christmas, but it is a gift nonetheless. Out of this crucible, I will become stronger, more efficient and focused, more able to balance work with home and fun, while getting the necessary things done. Because I have to, if I want sanity and joy in my life. It's not a quick process though. It would be easier if I had a bit more time to reflect, plan, gather information, but then it wouldn't be a crucible that forced change, would it?

OK, that's all for last week, this week will probably happen tomorrow at lunch.

Spring is springing! There are buds and flowers and leaves popping out, fresh and tiny and green. It's a hopeful and uplifting sight.

Love,

I

IKEA at last (not yet). Being efficient with my time. Shopaholics.

 Monday after lunch with Isaac:

Let’s see... I can feel the classroom sliding away from the more pristine levels of... not sure what to call it. Telling kids what the limits are, clearly, and enforcing them, right away, not letting even little things slip, with clearly explained repercussions. A warning, basically, with the repercussion given for if it happens again. And then, if it does happen again, following it up with that repercussion. Without drama, or yelling, or any strong emotion. Just clear, certain, matter-of-fact. I kind of am thinking of it in terms of being impeccable with your word. “If you do this again, y will happen.” And by golly, it does, as soon as it happens again, even a little bit. I’m generally doing a warning, and then some kind of sitting out/time out for a bit at the second. I havne’t had to get to the books suggested third step, which is a letter home, but I had to explain that was what was happening next time they didn’t listen. 

And I meant it. I think the fact that I mean what I say when I say it, is powerful. Kids can feel my determination behind my words, when it’s there. And they quickly notice when it’s not, and don’t take it as seriously, push things further. They are very acutely aware little beings, in some ways.

So, in any case, I’m noticing that impeccably slipping a bit, and the classroom slipping a bit as a result, and that is a good thing. Why: because it means I’m aware of what I’m doing wrong. The steps of mastery go like this: unconscious incompetence (don’t know they’re doing it badly), conscious incompetence (know they’re doing it badly), then conscious competence (they can do it well, but it requires them to be focused on it intensely), and finally unconscious competence (they can do it in their sleep, or while juggling, etc. without needing to focus on it).

The fact that I have some clear things to check in on, specific kinds of actions and protocols, checklists, when the classroom is going south, is super helpful. It gives me a way to respond, when I notice things going south. Before this, it was just a helpless kind of noticing. “Oh well, things are going down the drain again. I wish I knew what to do about it.” Now I’m getting more clear on my tool box, the things I can try when I notice that. That feels better because I feel like I have some agency and control, like it’s not just a random roll of the dice, but a set of skills I can get better at.

I recall my first year teaching in the preschool, it was about 2/3 through the year that I started feeling like I had some handle on the classroom management aspect of things. Perhaps this is the same kind of thing.

It’s nice that I’ve found a philosophy and set of tools and attitudes that mesh with my personality, and with my mentor in teaching. The book I’m reading says something, and I can link it to something my mentor said and/or did, and apply it directly to this school culture.

In any case, I’m still in the very early stages of this, but it is hopeful.

OK, almost out of time, but I want to briefly update on my organizational habit and how that’s going:

There is still a lot to learn and tweak, and it’s not yet well established as a habit. I’m starting to notice inefficiencies, places where the system seems to be dragging, not doing it’s job well, and so I’m beginning to think about how to tweak it. Also, as I get more comfortable with the basics, I’m trying to add in additional levels to it, like the time blocking. Right now it still feels like a whole lot of work, a lot of my weekend, going to setting it up and keeping it clean and running smoothly. But I’m not giving up, so I have confidence I will get to a good place with it, eventually.

Which is important, because I really want to be efficient enough with my time that I have more of a weekend to actually spend with Suzannah, and doing fun, reinvigorating pursuits. I think enemy number one for efficient use of my time is online shopping and the accompanying research. 

-(now we’re into Tuesday lunch)-

The other contender for enemy number one is just having a clear picture of all my commitments and responsibilities, and using that to schedule my time well, and then following through with the schedule. If I can simply decide that I’m blocking of x amount of my weekend for time with my spouse, then I’ll just have to fit my responsibilities into the time remaining. I may not get everything I want to done, but I’ll get the most important stuff done.

Other things: teachers are now eligible for the vaccine, so I’m working on getting vaccinated. Then I can finally go to IKEA, Yay! Aside from that, I’m a hermit and it doesn’t effect me that much anyways, I don’t mind semi-solitude. But it should be safer.

Also, spring break is this coming weekend! Super yay! Until I figure out the classroom management and teaching in general thing, I’m still living from weekend to weekend and break to break, so that means I’m going to get another chance to breath easily again, for a few days (until the end of break approaches and I get anxious again thinking about the impending end)

I think that’s all the news for now. Well, I’m sure there’s more, but my artificially imposed time limit of lunch is in place for keeping me efficient with my time, so I’m stopping now so. Take care and much love to all of you friends and family who are reading this. (And to the friends and family who are not, as well.)

-Isaac

Best Friends, Tough Weeks, Tuned Piano’s

 OK, here I am again at lunch with about 15 minutes to spare, so I’ll give you as much of the skinny as I can fit it.

Last week was deeply exhausting, and made me question my choice of profession. I won’t go into details, but several factors conspired to make me second guess whether I was really cracked up for this job. Some of those factors were difficult students, some were my own feelings of exhaustion some were noticing the differences between me and other teachers. The bottom line was and is that for the last three years of teaching, and for the year and a half before that when I was doing practice teaching, I’ve gone into class every day feeling unprepared and under-equipped, afraid that something would go wrong and I wouldn’t be able to handle it. Living weekend to weekend, and vacation to vacation. There were many moments that felt good, where I got to say something or show something to a child that seemed like it would make a positive impact on their life, not just academically, but as a person. But I pretty much always came into work with the feeling... how to put it... that I’d rather the day be a snow day, so I could relax.

I’ve been working as hard as I can, to change that, to become a teacher I feel proud of and that loves and looks forward to work, that is sad when there is a snow day. But the feeling hasn’t gone away so far. Though the intensity has certainly lessened from the first days of student teaching, which were some of the most stressful weeks of my life.

My thought process, once I had the realization, went something like this: when I finally found Suzannah, it was because I decided to trust my gut feeling about the people I was dating. I knew the general feeling I was looking for in a partner, that of a best friend. My first relationship, all I asked for was mutual attraction. It became clear that wasn’t enough, so I decided on looking for someone who could become a best friend. I just chose a friend, the friend I was closest to, who was also female, available, and attracted to me, in the hopes that we could work on things and the friendship could develop into a best-friendship. But it didn’t. I think it couldn’t. The other person would have to fundamentally change who they were, and people don’t often do that. The occasional total change of a person is uncontrollable and unusual, and even then, they are still themselves, though perhaps their whole way of interacting with the world is different along with their worldview. 

It seemed that the certain resonance that I have with a very few people, that I feel like I could just spend forever with, and they would just make life better for being there, what I call the ‘best friend’ vibe; that doesn’t seem to be something that can develop from nothing. I can become some manner of friend, even very good friends, with many, but the people I just clicked with, I just clicked with.

So then I decided to trust people to be who they were, and refused to continue dating people once I noticed we didn’t have that best-friend vibe, and to trust myself when I got that impression. The first time I tried that, it didn’t quite work out, because they weren’t that interested in me, and I didn’t really have time for a relationship, and it seemed that perhaps we weren’t that good of a fit after all. It took a while to spend enough time together to get a lock on things, since it was a distance relationship. We ended it, quite peacefully, and I focused on my work/schooling. And then it was time and I was ready and I wasn’t going to settle, and, and I was going to trust my inner sense of things, and it happened pretty quickly. It felt right, and it’s been one of the best things in my life ever since.

What about that, for jobs? I was wondering if I could apply the same logic to finding my job/calling. Maybe not, but if so, was I just sticking around with the partner that didn’t really fit, trying to make it work? That kept me up most of the night.

—

Looks like this is a two lunch post. I ran out of time at the line above, so I’m continuing on the next day, the next lunch.

There are many things that I can do almost tirelessly. They give me energy, I would pay someone to be able to do them all day. Obviously, many of us would love to just watch tv or play video games and get paid for it, but generally your job has to generate some kind of product, tangible or abstract. I was wondering if I should try and get a lock on that feeling, the feeling of flow and joy in work, and be looking for that, as the equivalent of a ‘best friend’ vibe/resonance that I used for relationships.

I should also add that there were other factors at play, I think. What some would call luck, but I call God or grace, and prayer. The fact that I’d been working hard for years, trying to improve my skills as a member of a relationship, studying and self-reflecting. Even all the learning that happened from reflecting on and making changes based on my past, failed relationships. And all the reading I’d been doing on the subject of finding a good match. I’d done my homework, thoroughly and at some leanght. I think that’s always a part of it. You can send your wish and intention out to the universe, pray fervently, but you are responsible for taking action to the limit of your own ability, before the universe steps in to help. I think that’s done out of kindness, since if God immediately fulfilled all your prayers without any effort on your part, you’d get lazy and feel bad about yourself.

What vibe am I looking for? The obsessive fascination I get when researching something interesting. The intense focus and delight of when I was doing a creative project, totally letting myself go for it without fear. My time doing improv dance. My one-on-one talks with people, listening and occasionally giving some solicited thoughts from my own experience, but mostly questions. I don’t know.

In any case, it’s been several days since my flip out, and a few things have calmed me down. Talking with good friends who know how to listen. Reminding myself that I believe and have had it proved to me over and over, that “everything happens for your good alone.” And taking some time to find a good resource on classroom management that vibes with me at least fairly well, and starting to apply it, and seeing good results, both in how the class is doing, and how I’m feeling, implementing classroom management in an effective way that doesn’t go against my nature.

Still, that little niggling feeling is there, and I’m not sure what to do about it. For now nothing, I suppose.

On to a few minutes of other news: the organization system/habits are coming along very nicely, and showing some immediate positive results. I have confidence that I’ll be able to turn it into a full fledged habit. Some of the steps I’m doing don’t feel very effective or efficient, but I’ll have time to fine tune it once it’s fully online and mostly automated.

That’s helping me with other things in my life, and I’m already feeling more focused and productive on important things.

Suzannah is painting the big room in our house, which is making everything feel lighter and better.

Cat’s are continuing to be very cute in various ways. The bully cats are still present but less frequent. Suzannah’s garden is starting to sprout. I got our piano tuned and am really looking forward to getting back into playing something, even if it’s just a little bit.

Aaand, I think that’s all I’ve got time for. Take care, see ya later, be well.

-Isaac