Short and Simple Today. But also Dapper.

OK, how quick can I make this.

School is great! It's hard to describe this... sometimes organizations get a bit dogmatic. But within those organizations are super awesome people, and they are not dogmatic at all, they just rock and are great at what they do. I don't actually know how dogmatic the AMI (that's the biggest, oldest, fanciest of the Montessori organizations) is. I think they are in general pretty cool. There have been a few official things, like the no notes, and the one teacher-of-teachers-in-training that I asked about where to go to learn how to present the materials, who just kept saying I should just not do it until I'd been officially trained for that age group. But the no recording isn't a huge deal. It's a bit irritating, but understandable. Though there's no reason I shouldn't be able to record things. I'm taking notes anyways, it would just make the notes more complete, and I am trustworthy. But they don't know that. And I don't know what was going on in the head of the instructor-in-training. And she didn't really know what my situation was. So meh, nothing bad.

And, the main teacher I've had so far is super awesome. She knows her stuff, she is hilarious, she isn't afraid to modify things based on her own experience and what she things is best, and she has a huge about of heart. This is why I went half-way across the US: I want to absorb this persons way of being. When she talks about the theory, she talks from her own experience and synthesis of it. She gives examples from her life, and she adds little tidbits that the books don't mention or have gotten wrong, like the fact that Montessori wasn't the first female doctor in Italy, there were other women who were doctors of pediatrics and such things, but she was the first surgeon. Which was very much thought to be a mans job. Doesn't take away from the fact that she was a super strong and smart woman who didn't back down in the face of societies pressure to conform. But just adds a level of keeping it real, and lets me know she's done her homework and fact-checking. This is not just the wikipedia version.

In any case, I wrote wrote wrote today, I wrote wrote yesterday, and I've got a lot more write write writing to do tomorrow and every day thereafter. The homework is to write short (2-4 page double-spaced) essays about each of the topics we've got presentations on. the purpose is for us to synthesize the information and then express it in our own words. I"m sure many of the people will do more of a regurgitation thing, but at least theoretically, and potentially, I highly approve of this as a learning method. She wants us to actually understand these concepts, make them our own, and get as creative as we want, in presenting the knowledge back to her, as long as she see's that we're understanding it. Is it the very best technique for knowledge acquisition? probably not, but that's fine. It's a good technique, it means she's thinking about us deeply understanding and internalizing this stuff, and that is sufficient. You don't need the best hammer in the store to pound in the nail, you just want a good hammer. Many teacher just give you the nail and no hammer. Or maybe a potato or a screwdriver. That's when you have to wonder about them, especially if they're supposed to be teaching you about how to teach well.

OK, what else. Did some laundry, worked a little more on getting my room set up as a proper living and working space. (went to Ikea and got a cheap shelving unit.)

I think that's about it. Hopefully going to go to bed nice and early and get up super early so I can get some more essay writing done while I'm nice and fresh. We'll see. I still have one more must-do thing, write something to my girlfriend, a ritual I'm trying to turn into a habit as long as our relationship is long distance.

OK, pip pip, cherio!


-I0

Road Trip, Summer School, Vestigial Tails

Oh man, so much has happened. And I'm exhausted. Need sleep.

So here's the executive summary:
Drove cross country, Iowa through New Mexico to San Diego. Stopped in New Mexico and enjoyed the amazing presence of Amma, (the hugging, humanitarian saint) for a few days, and then in one long day made it all the way to La Jolla, San Diego, so I could sleep a little in preparation for class the next day, today.

The drive was fantastic. I had good audio books, and the scenery was beautiful. desolate flat desert, baking the car at 104 degrees. so very flat, the road going straight as far as the eye could see. Mesa country, red rocky mountains, beautiful feathery desert trees, a patch of sand dunes that was mesmerizing with a sparkling river bounded by concrete running through it, alongside the road. Bouldery mountains and a road threading it's way through them, like a ricochet tennis ball, blasting through the sides of mountains, out into the air for hundreds of feet, ridge to ridge. Watching the sun set and rise and set again as I wove through mountains. The plants turning more lush and numerous, still pale blue-green desert colors against the red rock.

And then finally landing, exhausted, head-achy, a little sick, and going to school today. slightly exhausted especially during the sleepy-time of 2-3pm (I"ve been reading a book about circadian cycles and such. so I know I should really be napping right around then, for about 15-20 minutes.)

How is school? It's just he first day, too soon to tell. The teachers seem to know there stuff and be passionate. I was at first off-put by the severity of the rules, but in actual practice it's much more reasonable. I feel like Montessori is like every other system ever, where, though it may be good, what gives it life, the blood in it's veins, are the people. Good teachers equal good teaching. And when the teacher isn't giving it their dedication, with love, it doesn't matter the brilliance of the system, they'll find a way to make it not work. But these teachers are good. My preliminary read, which may just be my bias speaking is: there are some excellent skills (like very careful objective observation) that I will learn, and a system that can be very conductive to intrinsic motivation for students and good learning, but it's not like this system is the only system in the world that works. That's no different than Christians saying their religion is the only right one. It smacks of... what's the word...dogmatism and hubris and ego. It creates infighting and bickering and putting each other down. Religions should realize they all have the same goal: Nearness to God, and they should join hands in that path, respecting the different roads each are taking to the same destination. Teachers should realize they have the same goal: the culturing of wise, successful, and kind people, and respect the different roads they are taking to get there. Obviously there are some things that just shouldn't be done, like removing recess or getting angry at kids. Just like there are certain things done in the name of religion, like murder, that shouldn't be done.

Montessori is a system that holds many values as intrinsically important, that I also hold intrinsically important. I strongly agree with pretty much everything I've read of Montessori's writings and speeches so far, and have lots of respect for her as an educator and an intellect and a doer. So going under the Montessori label will mean that anyone who signs up for it with me, is interested in the things I'm interested in, with children. Is expecting them.

But I feel like it's important to remain system agnostic. As soon as I have emotionally vested myself in a system, that's when I start justifying things that aren't necessarily true, or smack-talking other systems, or turning a blind eye to my own experience or strong scientific evidence. My God is Truth, as Gandhi said. That is my almighty. I will adhere to that, no matter what, and that is my touchstone, for whatever I choose to do. That is my love, my passion, my life-breath. Anything that goes against that is not something I want a part in. And some of the worst, most destructive untruth is self-deception.

There's a book I want to read called, "Mistakes were made, but not by me." about cognitive dissonance. Basically, we have stories we tell ourselves, and when the evidence that the world presents us goes against those stories, we tend to keep believing the stories, anyways. We are really good at that, at justifying our selfs, our beliefs, our actions, and sometimes really bad at accepting that deep-held beliefs we have are wrong. We must have this for some evolutionary purpose, but it sometimes gets us in trouble, and makes it difficult for us to accept some truths.

In any case, I haven't run into much of that yet, except the unexplained and to me inexplicable rule that we are not allowed to take audio recordings of the lectures. It's a rule of AMI, not the specific teachers, so they are forgiven, but AMI is not. I hate being given rules without explanation or flexibility. I think that's one of the reasons I always try to explain the true and real reason for rules to my students, when I enforce them, if they may not know. It's just respectful. You shouldn't do something just because I dictatorially say so, you should do it because it's the right thing and you know it. (unless you're too young to understand, then there is some benevolent dictatorship.)

In any case, everything seems very intelligently done so far, and I look forward to experiencing more of it. I'm curious how much of my own thoughts on teacher education that I brainstormed during my masters, they are implementing.

It's a huge class, so there are several shortcuts they are taking, less hands-on experience, less help from the teachers, by necessity, because we are nearly 150 strong, with all the different programs going on simultaneously. That is enormous for them. They are at capacity, with a waiting list.

In any case, we'll see how things go. I'm withholding any final judgment, but my guess is that it will be excellent, with a few issues and non-ideal things due to the size, a few things that are like vestigial tails, done because of tradition rather than efficacy, a symptom of having a system around for too long, but in general very high quality. I don't think it will rock my world down to it's foundations, as some rare things do, but it doesn't need to. It just needs to train me well. Hopefully I'm wrong and it's mind-blowing and life changing in a really good way.

OK, that's all for now. Sleeeeep.

A tiskit, a taskit, a pondering and a task set

Hello.

A few quick tidbits from the week:


-  New finding: even if you're telling little kids who are upset at being corrected, that you love them just the same, and are not mad at them, the simple fact that you are talking to them about it for longer, seems to make them get more upset. New strategy: just move along, move along. These are not the droids you're looking for.



-  Frustration: time management is challenging.
Possible insight: Focus and priority management is much more effective than "doing things quickly." It's the continual "squirrel!" moments when I get sidetracked by some interesting but non-essential to-do that makes the important stuff not get done, even when I'm not doing obviously procrastinatory things like netflix.
I'm going to get this, eventually, and then it will be glorious.

The awareness of decisions and how choosing to do one things means I'm not doing any of the other things continues to be better motivator and willpower fuel that whatever I was doing previous to that.

-  I now can make an awesome and healthy salad dressing. Did it twice. I just need a blender and about six specific ingredients.

-  I see the potential, in my future (perhaps somewhat far in the future), to feel confident enough with classroom management that coming in to school is like an improv dance where the art created is beautiful human lives. To put more specifically and less poetically, I realize that I have a pretty good sense when something is not right, and what is exhausting is when I don't do anything about it and/or don't know what to do about it.


-  I'm working on... I don't know what to call it but self-denial. I know that's almost sacrilegious in our permissive hedonistic culture, but it's super necessary for success in any big endeavor to be able to say "no" to all the little distractions and cravings that would blow one hither and yon off the path one has set out on.

The Bhagvad-Gita likens it to the chariot driver who lets his horses run wild and drag the chariot wherever they decide to go. The horses are the senses. The chariot is the body. The charioteer is your mind. Mind needs to direct senses for a safe and fruitful journey, not be a slave to them.

I'm trying to practice this, and it's really hard. I keep messing it up, forgetting, giving in to temptation. The Gita offers consolation, basically saying, 'yeah, your right, it's really really hard. But you can do it. Don't give up hope, keep at it.' And I am. And 'm getting better at it. Slowly. And I'm getting more done, with less drama and procrastination, as I get better at it. But I'm still a looooong ways away from being an expert chariot driver.



Onto something else...

Helped with bags. Missed train. Worth it.

A pondering:

"How you are with one thing is how you are with all things."

This sounds powerful, wise, and true, and it is. But it's also wrong.

How it's true: how you approach what you are doing, right now, be it large or small, is a microcosm of how you approach anything. Not only is this descriptive, it is prescriptive, in that if you stretch yourself, right now, whether it's doing the dishes or making a series of emotionally and intellectually taxing decisions non-stop for hours on end, your actions, your choices, create a story about yourself that self-reinforces.

Are you someone who goes the extra mile and makes the difficult decisions and doesn't eat that last brownie? It's not a yes or no answer. You are creating the answer, in this moment. If you put off the difficult choice until later, and take the easy path, telling yourself that tomorrow you'll make the difficult choice, then the story you are creating for yourself is one of procrastination and excuses. Tomorrow never comes. It is always today.

Now, how it's wrong (this is more nit-picky, but serves as an example for a point in a previous post, namely, even good wisdom requires you own common sense to guide it's interpretation and application):
We have proficiencies, habits, and though these may appear to outsiders like we are exerting incredible willpower and strength to do certain things, internally those things do not feel effortful. Maybe you have a spotless house, and other people think you're super disciplined, because they imagine how difficult it would be for them to maintain that level of order. But for you, it is a neurotic obsession, and not having the house super neat is like nails on a chalkboard, or perhaps, cleaning is like your drug, your escape from the serious issues in your life that need to be dealt with.

Practically speaking, in this area of your life, you're really together. Moreso than with things that are not easy and habitual. These kinds of things are the exceptions to the aphorism. These special proficiencies don't mean you're really together in all of your life. (Who is ever together with all of there life?)

"How you do..." refers not to external results, but the internal feeling and process that is going on. Are you leaning into growth, or are you coasting? You can be very successful in the world but internally still be coasting because you are smart and/or you have a bunch of good habits/obsessions.

It's like that wonderful quote, not sure the original source which I'll misquote here,

'Others see your deeds, but God knows your heart.'

You can give food to the hungry, but what is the feeling and intention behind that? If it's so that you can put it on your college application, or brag to your friends, it's worthless. Perhaps even poisonous. The intention and feeling behind the act are what determine the outcome. Give because you love, because you feel compassion, because service without ego is a way to purify and uplift you.

In any case, "how you do one thing is how you do all things" is an appeal to lean into your life, lean into growth, now. With whatever you're doing now. I guess right this second, you're reading, so there's probably not much spin to put on that. But think about what you're going to do right afterwards. Is this just going in one ear and out the other? Another bit of wasted time online? Or are you going to ask yourself the golden question, the always fresh query: "what's the best thing I could be doing right now?" and then go do it?

I suppose you could also add (though it is kind of implicit within the first question) "how will I do that thing?" Meaning, what feeling would be best to have behind it? Are you doing this as selfless service? Out of love? Out of your passion for a dream, a purpose, beyond self? Or out of some less bright reason? Fear, self-loathing, anger, etc.

Don't coast, is my recommendation. It doesn't feel nearly as good, as alive, as when you are leaning into your growth zone and giving your talents to the world. This can take just about any form, from writing a book to being a good listener to pumping gas. This is not about peddle to the mettle, super hardcore workaholics. There is the opposite side of coasting, which is... grinding, I guess I'd call it? Life is all about balance. neither too little nor too much. Too much is almost as bad as too little. Sometimes it's worse. I talk about too little because that happens to be my tendency. This is just about being in integrity with yourself.

"What is the best thing I could be doing right now? What would I do if I loved unconditionally (yourself as well as others)? What act is in integrity with my soul's compass?"

Go on, do it. Start now.