OK, this will be the post for this week. It's a hard post to write, because there's not time to write it, and additionally it's a hard subject, that deserves more time than I have.
A relative of mine just passed away. I think she may be an aunt once removed or something, but I don't really understand the minutia, and it doesn't matter whether she was zero time removed or three. She was family, and she was a really wonderful person. She made art, she had a beautiful garden, she was hard-working, and funny, and true to herself. The world was a much better place for her being in it. It still is, but she passed away from cancer a few days ago. I got to see her a bit ago, while she was fighting it, and at the end she gave me and my girlfriend hugs and whispered, "treasure every day." She said it with such love and earnestness, it hit right to the core, and my girlfriend felt the same way. This woman was living that advice, and it reminded me, viscerally, that I was not, and that it was really important that I do so.
One of her son's is someone I'm close to, and I don't know what to say to him. What do you say to someone you care about whose parent has just died? I tried to put myself into those shoes, but I haven't had that experience. I've had grandparents, I've had best friends. But I don't think it's the same. Though also, I don't think there is any 'same' when it comes to grief. There are a lot of different ways people deal with it. Different ways the same person deals with it. Most of what can be said just seems trite in the face of the vastness of that change. "I'm sorry for your loss" seems so small. I remember so much of what I heard when I was grieving felt like I was doing a service to the other people by listening. They felt the need to do something, say something, like "I'm sorry for your loss" but it wasn't for me. It didn't help me. Having someone I could talk to, who could actually listen, helped, having others who knew the person, to talk about them together, helped. Just having friends to be with, something to distract me, make me smile, helped. Maybe something someone said helped. I don't remember.
But I'm left thinking about what I can do that might actually be supportive, rather than just an additional burden on the grieving. I don't have the answer, since I'm not near enough to come by and spend time with them. Be available for a phone call perhaps?
But her words, or the idea behind them, burn inside me extra brightly these days;
"cherish every moment"
Tuesday, February 25, 2020
Catch-up post. Busy, catch 22's
I'm 2 weeks behind and I don't see that letting up any time soon. So this has to be very short. I suppose this one will be for two weeks ago.
I don't remember what happened two weeks ago.
I had a three day weekend and finally got some time to clean up my room. By the end of the week, I'm exhausted and need a break from my normal work, and it usually takes the full two days to be ready to get back into working, or rather, there is lots of maintenance, weekly stuff that needs to happen every week, including the online volunteer class I teach, so I end up having little time/energy for additional things. I do a little, but it feels like a small chip in a big mountain. So three day weekends are a godsend.
My room is a good indicator of my state of affairs, and my desk is scattered with lots and lots of work. Various things that need doing, important and less important.
I think the problem is not having specific places for everything, and not having a habit of putting everything in it's place right away, but to turn that into a habit first it has to be a time and energy intensive conscious action, and I don't have enough of those resources to create a whole bunch of new ones right now.
It's a catch 22, I don't have enough time/energy to implement changes that will give me more time/energy.
Working on it, I'll get there, but it's getting there slowly.
OK, that will be two weeks ago.
I don't remember what happened two weeks ago.
I had a three day weekend and finally got some time to clean up my room. By the end of the week, I'm exhausted and need a break from my normal work, and it usually takes the full two days to be ready to get back into working, or rather, there is lots of maintenance, weekly stuff that needs to happen every week, including the online volunteer class I teach, so I end up having little time/energy for additional things. I do a little, but it feels like a small chip in a big mountain. So three day weekends are a godsend.
My room is a good indicator of my state of affairs, and my desk is scattered with lots and lots of work. Various things that need doing, important and less important.
I think the problem is not having specific places for everything, and not having a habit of putting everything in it's place right away, but to turn that into a habit first it has to be a time and energy intensive conscious action, and I don't have enough of those resources to create a whole bunch of new ones right now.
It's a catch 22, I don't have enough time/energy to implement changes that will give me more time/energy.
Working on it, I'll get there, but it's getting there slowly.
OK, that will be two weeks ago.
Thursday, February 13, 2020
Valentines, snow day, wish for the future
It's almost the weekend again, which is good news in general, because I'm exhausted, but does mean that it's almost time for my next blog post.
I know it's par for the course to be exhausted at the end of a day of teaching, but I don't think it's right. It doesn't have to be that way. But I'm not exactly sure what needs to happen to make it not that way, and I'm already exhausted and have little time, so a total philosophical and practical overhaul is not happening in the midst of that. Not to mention even if I try that, I may have to keep working at it for a while because my first attempts may not be successful. I don't like the feelings of exhaustion and overwhelm. I think I've said this enough times already, this is one of my main goals at this point: I want work to be... I'm not sure of the word to use. At least balanced. Not so exhausted at the end of the day that I can barely think. Ideally it would even be energizing. Which it is sometimes, when I feel like I'm doing a good job and things are going well.
I don't think you can rely on that, because sometimes things are out of your control. Better not to rely on external circumstances to be happy. Though I'm sure gaining more skill will also make it less exhausting and more energizing. In any case, it's high up on my list and though sometimes it takes a while, I seem pretty good at achieving my goals. So, I'm excited about that future. And some of my goals have gotten resolved really quickly, so perhaps it's not too far away.
In any case, the morning session of school was canceled because it was below -18 with windchill, and that was a godsend. I need a few hours, not at the end of the day, to corral my life. Really I'd love a couple weeks for that, but I don't think I'll be getting that for another year and a half, when I finally have a summer vacation.
This is all old news.
Valentine's day is coming up. It's a good one this year, since I'm happily engaged. There's a lot to be grateful for. My suggestion for valentines day readings is something by John Gottman. No relationship book is going to solve all your problems, but his are really useful and practical, and more scientifically rigorous than just about anything else out there, if science is your thing. He's also a funny old jewish guy, so they tend to be good reads.
Unfortunately, I think valentines day causes more misery than happiness. If you don't have a partner, or you're having issues with your partner, it's kind of a day to ruminate on all that is lacking. And even if you have a harmonious relationship, the high stakes nature of the day can lead to tension and disappointment. An older friend of mine who went through AA would quote to me, "expectation is premeditated disappointment" and that has stuck with me, because it has repeatedly proved true.
I keep wanting to get a lot of work done when I get home from work, and keep failing too. Yesterday I remembered to keep aware of what was going on, when I got home, to try and figure out what it was. It seems like I'm exhausted, and I want something easy, to relax to. Rather than denying this impulse, I need to figure out substitutes that are healthy. But I also need to get them set up, so they are easy to do, right when I get home. Like switching to healthier food, you need options that will satisfy your hunger/craving, in a healthy way, and you need those options to be easier to do than the unhealthy ones. That avoids temptation altogether, which is important when you're at your weakest, which happens when you are exhausted, physically and emotionally.
Teaching young kids is rewarding and interesting, but it is a super high energy output activity. Specifically the classroom management. The actual teaching is just straight up fun for me. If that's all I had to do all day I'd be in heaven. But it's not even most of what I'm doing. I think it's possible for it to eventually be most of what I'm doing, but I have to first get really, really good at the classroom management stuff, and I'm not their yet. I'd say not even close, but I'm at least a lot further a long than when I started, around two years ago (more or less, depending on if you count my student teaching.)
Alright, definitely have to go right away and get to other stuff. Have a nice rest of your week everybody ^_^
-IO
I know it's par for the course to be exhausted at the end of a day of teaching, but I don't think it's right. It doesn't have to be that way. But I'm not exactly sure what needs to happen to make it not that way, and I'm already exhausted and have little time, so a total philosophical and practical overhaul is not happening in the midst of that. Not to mention even if I try that, I may have to keep working at it for a while because my first attempts may not be successful. I don't like the feelings of exhaustion and overwhelm. I think I've said this enough times already, this is one of my main goals at this point: I want work to be... I'm not sure of the word to use. At least balanced. Not so exhausted at the end of the day that I can barely think. Ideally it would even be energizing. Which it is sometimes, when I feel like I'm doing a good job and things are going well.
I don't think you can rely on that, because sometimes things are out of your control. Better not to rely on external circumstances to be happy. Though I'm sure gaining more skill will also make it less exhausting and more energizing. In any case, it's high up on my list and though sometimes it takes a while, I seem pretty good at achieving my goals. So, I'm excited about that future. And some of my goals have gotten resolved really quickly, so perhaps it's not too far away.
In any case, the morning session of school was canceled because it was below -18 with windchill, and that was a godsend. I need a few hours, not at the end of the day, to corral my life. Really I'd love a couple weeks for that, but I don't think I'll be getting that for another year and a half, when I finally have a summer vacation.
This is all old news.
Valentine's day is coming up. It's a good one this year, since I'm happily engaged. There's a lot to be grateful for. My suggestion for valentines day readings is something by John Gottman. No relationship book is going to solve all your problems, but his are really useful and practical, and more scientifically rigorous than just about anything else out there, if science is your thing. He's also a funny old jewish guy, so they tend to be good reads.
Unfortunately, I think valentines day causes more misery than happiness. If you don't have a partner, or you're having issues with your partner, it's kind of a day to ruminate on all that is lacking. And even if you have a harmonious relationship, the high stakes nature of the day can lead to tension and disappointment. An older friend of mine who went through AA would quote to me, "expectation is premeditated disappointment" and that has stuck with me, because it has repeatedly proved true.
I keep wanting to get a lot of work done when I get home from work, and keep failing too. Yesterday I remembered to keep aware of what was going on, when I got home, to try and figure out what it was. It seems like I'm exhausted, and I want something easy, to relax to. Rather than denying this impulse, I need to figure out substitutes that are healthy. But I also need to get them set up, so they are easy to do, right when I get home. Like switching to healthier food, you need options that will satisfy your hunger/craving, in a healthy way, and you need those options to be easier to do than the unhealthy ones. That avoids temptation altogether, which is important when you're at your weakest, which happens when you are exhausted, physically and emotionally.
Teaching young kids is rewarding and interesting, but it is a super high energy output activity. Specifically the classroom management. The actual teaching is just straight up fun for me. If that's all I had to do all day I'd be in heaven. But it's not even most of what I'm doing. I think it's possible for it to eventually be most of what I'm doing, but I have to first get really, really good at the classroom management stuff, and I'm not their yet. I'd say not even close, but I'm at least a lot further a long than when I started, around two years ago (more or less, depending on if you count my student teaching.)
Alright, definitely have to go right away and get to other stuff. Have a nice rest of your week everybody ^_^
-IO
Monday, February 3, 2020
Neti pots, habit trackers, clean desks
The last post was so late that it feels to soon to be doing another one.
After hearing the term bandied around enough, I think I may have a sinus infection. Just did a little googling and seems likely. Man, Google is a wonderful thing when used for good. My self-care hunches seem correct. It will go away on it's own, using a neti pot for a warm salt-water rinse in the nose is useful, but not super useful, mainly will reduce symptoms. Decongestant will help me sleep at night. It's fascinating, the body's own power to self-heal, and how our medicines are often much less effective, or they are just supporting the main work that the bodies own immune system is doing. Aside perhaps from antibiotics, which are like the nuke of medicines. Works, but often a lot of collateral damage. While our immune system is going in, cell by cell, and eliminating the bad ones. So amazing.
I am slowly, ever so slowly, streamlining my work process, getting my life more and more in order so I can get more done. I've just started rocking a habit tracker, just a simple piece of paper with a grid system that lets me check off every day if I've done x habit. It's simple but profoundly powerful, when kept on my desk where I can see it. I know for a fact I would have completely forgotten about all the habits I'd written there this morning, if I hadn't had it right at hand to reference, and seeing the check marks build up over time is really quite satisfying. A good tool. That reminds me to use other good tools. Using this I'm starting to track my daily progress on spelling (something I've always been below average in, and something a teacher should be good at), studying for my Montessori certification exam coming up at the end of the summer, and practicing cursive, which most Montessori schools use, and I don't know well enough to use with any speed. At some point that will switch over to primarily handwriting practice, where I'm just trying to clean-up and tidy up my handwriting. I can make it neat enough, when I really slow down and concentrate on it, but it would be nice to have a clean, legible hand at a decent speed, as a teacher, both to model it, and to be easy to read, and I suppose to serve as a role model for other kids who have messy handwriting: I can show them my old handwriting along side my new handwriting, and they can know there's hope for them too, with practice. Though I suppose that is yet to be determined. But it seems like any other skill: you should improve with practice.
In any case, this way I will hopefully be reminded to do at least a few minutes every day, and as we all know, spaced practice is more useful than clumped practice.
I have a little dream: a clean, beautiful workspace that is a joy to look at and work at. My obstical is it's trying to do and be too much. I have so many different things I'm working on. I have lots of useful things on my desk, but some aren't work related, and some aren't used that frequently. The proccess of sorting that all out to make something that is both minimal and functional is a little daunting. But I'll get there eventually.
Oh dear, so much to do. I wanted to get this out of the way, but it's used up almost all my early morning work time this morning. Well, until next time.
-Isaac
After hearing the term bandied around enough, I think I may have a sinus infection. Just did a little googling and seems likely. Man, Google is a wonderful thing when used for good. My self-care hunches seem correct. It will go away on it's own, using a neti pot for a warm salt-water rinse in the nose is useful, but not super useful, mainly will reduce symptoms. Decongestant will help me sleep at night. It's fascinating, the body's own power to self-heal, and how our medicines are often much less effective, or they are just supporting the main work that the bodies own immune system is doing. Aside perhaps from antibiotics, which are like the nuke of medicines. Works, but often a lot of collateral damage. While our immune system is going in, cell by cell, and eliminating the bad ones. So amazing.
I am slowly, ever so slowly, streamlining my work process, getting my life more and more in order so I can get more done. I've just started rocking a habit tracker, just a simple piece of paper with a grid system that lets me check off every day if I've done x habit. It's simple but profoundly powerful, when kept on my desk where I can see it. I know for a fact I would have completely forgotten about all the habits I'd written there this morning, if I hadn't had it right at hand to reference, and seeing the check marks build up over time is really quite satisfying. A good tool. That reminds me to use other good tools. Using this I'm starting to track my daily progress on spelling (something I've always been below average in, and something a teacher should be good at), studying for my Montessori certification exam coming up at the end of the summer, and practicing cursive, which most Montessori schools use, and I don't know well enough to use with any speed. At some point that will switch over to primarily handwriting practice, where I'm just trying to clean-up and tidy up my handwriting. I can make it neat enough, when I really slow down and concentrate on it, but it would be nice to have a clean, legible hand at a decent speed, as a teacher, both to model it, and to be easy to read, and I suppose to serve as a role model for other kids who have messy handwriting: I can show them my old handwriting along side my new handwriting, and they can know there's hope for them too, with practice. Though I suppose that is yet to be determined. But it seems like any other skill: you should improve with practice.
In any case, this way I will hopefully be reminded to do at least a few minutes every day, and as we all know, spaced practice is more useful than clumped practice.
I have a little dream: a clean, beautiful workspace that is a joy to look at and work at. My obstical is it's trying to do and be too much. I have so many different things I'm working on. I have lots of useful things on my desk, but some aren't work related, and some aren't used that frequently. The proccess of sorting that all out to make something that is both minimal and functional is a little daunting. But I'll get there eventually.
Oh dear, so much to do. I wanted to get this out of the way, but it's used up almost all my early morning work time this morning. Well, until next time.
-Isaac
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