It's almost the weekend again, which is good news in general, because I'm exhausted, but does mean that it's almost time for my next blog post.
I know it's par for the course to be exhausted at the end of a day of teaching, but I don't think it's right. It doesn't have to be that way. But I'm not exactly sure what needs to happen to make it not that way, and I'm already exhausted and have little time, so a total philosophical and practical overhaul is not happening in the midst of that. Not to mention even if I try that, I may have to keep working at it for a while because my first attempts may not be successful. I don't like the feelings of exhaustion and overwhelm. I think I've said this enough times already, this is one of my main goals at this point: I want work to be... I'm not sure of the word to use. At least balanced. Not so exhausted at the end of the day that I can barely think. Ideally it would even be energizing. Which it is sometimes, when I feel like I'm doing a good job and things are going well.
I don't think you can rely on that, because sometimes things are out of your control. Better not to rely on external circumstances to be happy. Though I'm sure gaining more skill will also make it less exhausting and more energizing. In any case, it's high up on my list and though sometimes it takes a while, I seem pretty good at achieving my goals. So, I'm excited about that future. And some of my goals have gotten resolved really quickly, so perhaps it's not too far away.
In any case, the morning session of school was canceled because it was below -18 with windchill, and that was a godsend. I need a few hours, not at the end of the day, to corral my life. Really I'd love a couple weeks for that, but I don't think I'll be getting that for another year and a half, when I finally have a summer vacation.
This is all old news.
Valentine's day is coming up. It's a good one this year, since I'm happily engaged. There's a lot to be grateful for. My suggestion for valentines day readings is something by John Gottman. No relationship book is going to solve all your problems, but his are really useful and practical, and more scientifically rigorous than just about anything else out there, if science is your thing. He's also a funny old jewish guy, so they tend to be good reads.
Unfortunately, I think valentines day causes more misery than happiness. If you don't have a partner, or you're having issues with your partner, it's kind of a day to ruminate on all that is lacking. And even if you have a harmonious relationship, the high stakes nature of the day can lead to tension and disappointment. An older friend of mine who went through AA would quote to me, "expectation is premeditated disappointment" and that has stuck with me, because it has repeatedly proved true.
I keep wanting to get a lot of work done when I get home from work, and keep failing too. Yesterday I remembered to keep aware of what was going on, when I got home, to try and figure out what it was. It seems like I'm exhausted, and I want something easy, to relax to. Rather than denying this impulse, I need to figure out substitutes that are healthy. But I also need to get them set up, so they are easy to do, right when I get home. Like switching to healthier food, you need options that will satisfy your hunger/craving, in a healthy way, and you need those options to be easier to do than the unhealthy ones. That avoids temptation altogether, which is important when you're at your weakest, which happens when you are exhausted, physically and emotionally.
Teaching young kids is rewarding and interesting, but it is a super high energy output activity. Specifically the classroom management. The actual teaching is just straight up fun for me. If that's all I had to do all day I'd be in heaven. But it's not even most of what I'm doing. I think it's possible for it to eventually be most of what I'm doing, but I have to first get really, really good at the classroom management stuff, and I'm not their yet. I'd say not even close, but I'm at least a lot further a long than when I started, around two years ago (more or less, depending on if you count my student teaching.)
Alright, definitely have to go right away and get to other stuff. Have a nice rest of your week everybody ^_^
-IO
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