Packin'

I don't belive I've posted this week. I've been packing almost non-stop, to try and be ready for tomorrow, Thursday the 30th when we are loading up our POD (which we will have to get to via a Uhaul, which we will have to load up first, and then drive to Cedar Rapids.) The POD was a less stressful option than driving a giant Uhaul which was also towing a car, but because they don't deliver to us (dag nabbit!) it's going to be the better part of a day,  taking our stuff the distance from home to POD.

Also, I've been trying to get a little studying in each day, since my final exam is coming up this saturday morning. And then that afternoon we pack up and drive out. And thus my super dynamic phase of life streak continues.

I love being with Suzannah. Even amid all the craziness, she makes it a fun adventure, full of love and laughter. I think the part that is the most unknown still, is how the cat's are going to handle the road trip.

Well, the next post you read will almost certainly be from Austin Texas! Take care dear one's, and much love.

-Isaac

The middle of exam season. A Season of change. Taco Seasoning.

Well. I just had my first day of exams, and it went very well, I think. But it was the easiest day, I suspect. Theory. It's a more squishy subject, so there's not so much to remember or forget in specific. I've always been good with theory. (It's only more recently that I've worked to get good at practice as well.)

In any case, encouraging. The real test will be the practical written examinations on Thursday and Friday. Those require having a fair memory of all the chapters of all our main albums. Some of the study has been pretty quick and easy, but there have been sections that are quite challenging.

I think one of the problems is the limits of my mnemonic devices, like peg lists and memory palaces. They work great, but if I've got twenty lists I need to memorize a day, I can't keep using the same lists/memory palaces, or they get muddy.

A second problem is what I'm doing is rather high order thinking actually, a bit different than rote memorization, and by the end of a full day, I'm a bit fried, and I can't do it very effectively. continuing to cram into the night, even the early night, is far less time effective. I need a less brain intensive method of studying for the evenings, when my brain is weak and jellow-y from the mental workout I've been giving it, and all my peg-lists and memory palaces are full.

But really, its not a problem that bears much solving. I don't know when I'll have a situation like this again, and it will be over one way or another by Friday, mid-day. That's the end of my second written exam.

After that, I've got a whole week to study for my oral exam, which is way more time than I'll need, especially since I've already been studying for it during my solo and group practice. Which is really good, because I've got that week, and that week alone, to pack up everything and get ready to go to Austin Texas. I asked if I could have a break, a sabbatical, before I started work, and they said they'd see what they could do, but when they got back to me, they said that I would be sorely needed right away. So I'm taking my final, oral exam in the morning, packing everything up (that's not already packed) in the afternoon to evening, and hitting the road with my wife and two cats early the next morning. We'll drive till we get there, and I'll start work the next day.

I am really excited about this job, in terms of the work atmosphere, and above all the mentorship I will hopefully be getting. But I was pretty excited at the prospect of a nice long break. Especially since I didn't think I'd be getting another chance to do something like that for a long time. Hopefully we'll get a summer or two. But I don't know how long we'll wait to have kids, and once that happens, I suspect rest will be about 18 years in coming.

This means that I must continue with my prior strategy of learning how to relax and get stuff done efficiently in the midst of intense activity. I suppose that is just as well. I prefer being fairly active. My break was mainly going to be attending to all the open-loop todo items that I've been putting off because of more immediately pressing demands, and then getting some time in on some longer standing aspirational projects and skills.

I think the key is figuring out how to get balanced with work and rest and play. There's a certain optimal ratio, and figuring out how to maintain that is perhaps a worthy goal. Though I suspect there are complexities, like the fact that when you're doing work that you love it often energizes rather than drains you.

So many big things are happening, have happened, this summer. I got married, I'm changing jobs, I'm moving to Texas, I'm living through a pandemic, I'm starting to work under my mentor. 

I'm only mentioning this because I wrote it in the title, but I've discovered that I love taco salad. I think part of it is the taco seasoning in the dressing.

OK, that's all for now. I'm gonna have dinner, and then see what kind of studying I can do that will still be useful. Maybe I can try creating some new memory palace rooms to use.

Good-bye for now ^_^

stay safe, live with love

-Isaac

Test prep, time calculations, morning cat petting.

It's almost the next week with nothing written for the previous week, so I'll remidy that in a quick manner. Hello. I'm Isaac Paul Schindler Nevas. I've got written exams next week. A few numbers I've crunched to figure out what rate I should be going at per day:

I'm skipping the written Theory Essays, as I've already reviewed those, and they need less memorization. I should be ok with those, though I will review them the day before the test.

Practical Essays are Thursday and Friday Next Week, so, that's about 5 days (the 6th day being for a broad review before the test).

Total number of presentations I need memorized (that are not already memorized) at least to the point where I can describe them in the essay with enough detail to give the general idea of what happens, the different steps: 

72 + 17 (the 17 are lower priority ones)

Chapters that I need to be able to list out sequences for most of the important presentations (anywhere from 1 to 20, usually around 5) if asked to do so: 

around 102 (+ the same 17 or so lower priority)

That means, in the next 5 days, I should cover, at minimum, 18 presentations and 20 sequences per day.

If I can discipline myself to take on average 5 minutes per item, that is about... 380, 190,  Lets say about 4 hours a day, with breaks. if it's 10 minutes per item, that's 8 hours a day.

So, rather than write a long Blog post, I think I should save my stamina for this goal and start getting to work (and timing how long it actually takes, since that's going to make a big difference)

I may update you briefly with my actual numbers later on this week, but I wouldn't expect any novels.

Oh, here's a little non-test tidbit: Our cats have gotten into the habit of coming over to my office in the late morning asking for pets. I make it a point to take a break and give them some love each day. Mostly it's been the quiet one, Reiko, but today Ume, the street smart independant one, came in, and tried to climb onto my back, so I guessed that she wanted to be picked up (usually she dislikes that and only tolerates it for a few moments) I was correct, and could feel her purring in my arms as I petted her and showed her around the house from the higher perspective. I've got the quiet one at the door to my office now, so it's time for a quick petting break, before diving into full-on test prep experimental routine mode.

See you on the other side.

-IO

The unspoken speech. Finally finals. The ring, the vow.

I'm quite busy, as it's kind of finals time for my school. Some pretty serious tests are happening in a week and a bit, and it's cram time, despite my best efforts to study diligently leading up to now. I've been doing a reasonable job, I didn't leave it for the last minute, but there's a lot of ground still to cover. I think it will get done and I'll be fine, I'll pass, but it's going to be a somewhat intense sprint.

So it's good I have something pre-written for you. Written on Sunday, in fact, or at least edited to it's final version in the morning. I wrote a speech, but, as I listened, decided to leave the speeches to friends and family, as it all seemed complete by the last one.

So, here it is, the secret speech, the unaired episode:

Wedding Speech

Gratitude: a list

-driving across the country during a pandemic

-growing incredible flowers for our wedding and arranging them 

-weaving flowers into garlands

-polishing silver,

-placing photos

-ironing shirts

-talking through logistics and plans for hours

-secretly obtaining addresses and then letters from friends and turning into a book

-staying up late after getting 2 hours of sleep to make a very special games night

-working on technology problems in 90 degree sun until things started to overheat

-organizing and performing a Vedic wedding, and wedding party in general, and playing matchmaker at the beginning of it all

-cooking a huge, homemade meal

-setting up, taking down, sitting around in the heat waiting

-consulting, offering guidance and expertise

-offering comfort and laughter when things were crazy

We feel like eggs in a nest, surrounded by warmth and gentleness, held in our togetherness by the active love of all of you around us. You weave together as family, friends, community, and give us strength, joy, support, in achieving our dreams. May our love combine with yours as part of this mutual web of support and caring. We all especially need it, when times are challenging.

(Hey future Isaac, how ya feeling right now?)

I get to live the adventure of life with my best friend. Someone I love and who I think is amazing and beautiful, and who thinks the same of me. (Maybe you wouldn't say beautiful.) That's what I've wanted more than anything since I was 5 years old and had my first intense puppy-dog crush. 

I look forward to growing old with you, laughing with you, playing games with you, sharing these times with our friends. growing together. Helping each other fulfill dreams.

You are nerdy in the best possible way, playful, smart, self-aware, humble, hardworking, funny, kind, giving. You care about doing what is right, about growth. You have great taste in friends. 

You make life more comfortable and yet also inspire and spur me to growth and action.

It's fascinating to be writing these words, at my desk, imagining what it will be like, standing at my own wedding. How ya doin', future me? (You can respond here)

But I'm not sure being married will feel too different than I've already felt. Why? 

Well, I've got a secret. It's probably not much of a secret to you. I have never been good at keeping secrets from you. But perhaps for some of the other people here:

Here's an  excerpt from an email I sent to Malinda and Devala. Thursday March 28th, 2019

"

...

But I just wanted to tell someone something, and you were the first person to came to mind. I want a record. It can be fun to make predictions, "oh, I think this will turn out this way." but unless you write it down, it's easy to change your memories of the past to fit your present. You know about false memories.

...

here's the thought, here's the reason for the name of the email.

From getting to know her, more and more, from the levels of feelings I'm having (not primarily the limerence happy brain chemicals, but the deep resonance, ease of being together, admiration, those kind of things. Plus, after last saturday, the base energetic physical attraction (not one of the most important things, but a nice bonus if it's that strong) the thought that came unbidden, in a kind of dumb grin playful glee, somehow not attached to it being true, but just tickled by it, was, 

"I find it hard to imagine how we could not end up marrying each other."

I realize that's a bit of an early call, and seems like maybe not the thing to say to someone you've just started dating, but who are we kidding, that kinda thought happens with lots of couples, silently you're thinking something similar, while your getting to know somebody. there are lots of tails about that kind of thing, that couples tell later on. when they realized s/he was the one ... I just wanna call it early, so I have proof it's not just a modified/made-up past memory.

"

[the title of the email was, "I'm calling it"]

I mention this not because I think my predictive powers are amazing, but to illustrate something: Suzannah was, is, so amazing, such a good fit, such a positive influence on me, that it was quickly, dumbly obvious that I should spend my life with her, if she also wanted that. 

 I think in this union, two givers found each other. It feels a bit like a fairly tail.

I want to briefly mention the symbology for me, of our rings, and then I'll end with a quote from something we read together early on and agreed sounded like good relationship advice.

These rings are made from the gold of an older ring. The important thing that happened with that ring, is that at some point, I took it off, held it up, and made my first real vow: I would not cease my explorations, I would not stop or be deterred, no matter what: I would seek and find the purpose of life, I would set my eye on what was most important, and let nothing get in the way. That was moments. That was the doorway into a life of magic. God responded to that total commitment, and things happened that I couldn't have believed, before experiencing them. 

Now I add a second vow, a second facet, to this determination. A second strand has joined my own. May my commitment to my highest interweave with yours. May I support you and your dreams, your brightest goals, as you support mine, and as they weave together in shared dreams. Let us not cease in our explorations, but hand in hand go further than we could alone, and when we arrive where we started, knowing the place for the first time, it will be all the richer, because we were enjoyed each step along the way, together.

...I don't think I need the other persons quote. Here is if anyone wants to read it.  (Leave photocopy on a table)

T-minus 4 days. Grit, pearls, life as a constant miracle.

Today I did things differently that I normally do. I wrote the title of the post first. Usually I just ramble on and then look at what I wrote and extract a title from it.

But it's very much on my mind that I have 4 days to go before I get married. 

This is such a fantastic thing. It's not that I'm super excited to get married. I'm already with Suzannah all day long. If I was going from being single to having that, then I'd be over the moon. But the fact of the matter is I'm already over the moon, every day, because I get to be with her, my best friend, every day. The marriage part is still really exciting though. What we have is wonderful, life affirming, life improving, delicious and delightful and good for me (which makes it even better than most desserts). Now with marriage, it gets to deepen. the wonderful experience gets to become even more so.

There is a Jewish song that keeps adding new entries and saying, "it would have been enough." Dai-ay-nu. It would have been enough, to just be with Suzannah. I didn't need marriage to make it worth doing. But as in so many ways, life keeps giving more. I think that's how gratitude works: you are grateful for what you have already, but that state of gratitude attracts more to you. Like joy. Also like anger, jealousy etc., so, careful which wolf you're feeding (see "the story of the two wolves" from any number of self-help books)

I suppose I should talk about the things mentioned in the title. Four days to go. That makes this blog post a bit historic. The last one, leading up to the marriage. We're getting stuff done, we're ordering stuff, there are some panic attacks, there are little walks to decompress, and we still did date night yesterday, and we still cuddle in the morning and at night. I called a bunch of people that I needed to connect with for logistics, emailed more.

I've noticed recently, I've gotten really good at doing what needs to get done, even when it's something that makes me a little uncomfortable. I think it's making me less uncomfortable than it used to, and I'm not letting myself pause to much, to overthink it. I see the task that needs to get done, recognize that it is the most important thing to do next, and do it. Or do it at the next appropriate time.

I think someone referred to this as getting 'momentum.' and it's an apt term. I feel like, as I continue to 'just do it' with the things I recognize as important, it's like a train picking up steam. I'm chugga chugging along, and I've also gotten in the habit of throwing important things in front of the train, to get done (rolled over, in this analogy) even when they're things that I shy away from, I don't give myself enough time to slow down and avoid it or talk myself out of it. It's there, I decide it needs to get done, and I set it as my next task. And then I do it. The being in motion itself is an antidote to the fear. It's that whole "anticipation is worse than the event" thing. I don't give myself a long time to anticipate it.

The main challenge remaining is more in the vein of staying aware of what all the important things are, so I know what to throw under the train next. This also gives me continual reminders that the unpleasant things that I don't want to do are actually not so bad, once I'm doing them. Which makes it easier to do the next hard thing. This momentum itself feels like high magic. It's another one of the now numerous things that make me look back at my past self and marvel at how far I've come. I don't think I could have believably imagined myself getting to this point, when I was in my most depressed teenage years. It would have seemed like pure fantasy.

That's not really why I wrote "life as constant miracle" though. The reason for that is... hard to describe in words. Maybe what I just talked about is a part of it. I've hungered to witness honest to goodness miracles since I first read autobiography of a yogi. But the state of my life these days, the process of living, the growth that is happening, how full my heart is, with appreciation, gratitude, the beauty of creation, the gifts of divinity, it is all so much, that it feels like the process of living has become a kind of miracle. I'm entering realms of high magic, even though I'm not levitating spoons. Spoon bending seems a bit trite, compared to this.

Action action action. That's my mantra for now. I don't recommend that mantra if you're a type A personality, but for my very tranquil, slow, contemplative personality, it's the perfect balance. Because it truly is balanced. I've got a pretty good lock on not overdoing the action side of things. I'm naturally all about silent contemplation. So the push into (Dharmic) action is like tempering the blade: you need those extremes meeting: cherry red steel and ice cold water. In that, you create a tool of unsurpassed strength and precision.

Grit and pearls. Really, I just liked the play on words of this. Pearls are created when some tiny bit of sand or other grit gets stuck in an oyster. It bothers the oyster, so the oyster secretes this beautiful pearlescent cement around the pearl. layer after layer, like the rings of a tree or an onion. Slowly, the Grit becomes something of great beauty. Angela Duckworth has written a book on her research into successful people, and what they have in common. The title of the book is the answer she found: "Grit." Grit is, in a nut-shell, the hot, steady burn of a passion that is merged with persistence. As opposed to the fireworks passion we may experience for a few weeks after a new year's vow to go to the gym every day, or the excitement we experience when discovering something new, that fades with the newness. 

Angela can measure peoples levels of grit with a fair degree of accuracy, and it is the highest correlate she found among successful people in all fields. She is particularly interested in it as applied to school and children. What if you could teach children grit? How much could you improve the lives of everyone, especially those who are most disadvantaged.

In any case, I haven't yet figured out how to fit all the pieces together into a clear narrative or pun, but having grit certainly produces pearls. Though grit is not an irritant. Maybe, "no grit, no pearls?" Maybe grit, like sand in an oyster, can feel uncomfortable at first? But as you keep building it up, with practice, it becomes a thing of great joy.

Sounds good. 

Next post will probably be a reflection on the wedding, I suppose. What big things are happening in my life these days.

Love to you all,

-Isaac