The unspoken speech. Finally finals. The ring, the vow.

I'm quite busy, as it's kind of finals time for my school. Some pretty serious tests are happening in a week and a bit, and it's cram time, despite my best efforts to study diligently leading up to now. I've been doing a reasonable job, I didn't leave it for the last minute, but there's a lot of ground still to cover. I think it will get done and I'll be fine, I'll pass, but it's going to be a somewhat intense sprint.

So it's good I have something pre-written for you. Written on Sunday, in fact, or at least edited to it's final version in the morning. I wrote a speech, but, as I listened, decided to leave the speeches to friends and family, as it all seemed complete by the last one.

So, here it is, the secret speech, the unaired episode:

Wedding Speech

Gratitude: a list

-driving across the country during a pandemic

-growing incredible flowers for our wedding and arranging them 

-weaving flowers into garlands

-polishing silver,

-placing photos

-ironing shirts

-talking through logistics and plans for hours

-secretly obtaining addresses and then letters from friends and turning into a book

-staying up late after getting 2 hours of sleep to make a very special games night

-working on technology problems in 90 degree sun until things started to overheat

-organizing and performing a Vedic wedding, and wedding party in general, and playing matchmaker at the beginning of it all

-cooking a huge, homemade meal

-setting up, taking down, sitting around in the heat waiting

-consulting, offering guidance and expertise

-offering comfort and laughter when things were crazy

We feel like eggs in a nest, surrounded by warmth and gentleness, held in our togetherness by the active love of all of you around us. You weave together as family, friends, community, and give us strength, joy, support, in achieving our dreams. May our love combine with yours as part of this mutual web of support and caring. We all especially need it, when times are challenging.

(Hey future Isaac, how ya feeling right now?)

I get to live the adventure of life with my best friend. Someone I love and who I think is amazing and beautiful, and who thinks the same of me. (Maybe you wouldn't say beautiful.) That's what I've wanted more than anything since I was 5 years old and had my first intense puppy-dog crush. 

I look forward to growing old with you, laughing with you, playing games with you, sharing these times with our friends. growing together. Helping each other fulfill dreams.

You are nerdy in the best possible way, playful, smart, self-aware, humble, hardworking, funny, kind, giving. You care about doing what is right, about growth. You have great taste in friends. 

You make life more comfortable and yet also inspire and spur me to growth and action.

It's fascinating to be writing these words, at my desk, imagining what it will be like, standing at my own wedding. How ya doin', future me? (You can respond here)

But I'm not sure being married will feel too different than I've already felt. Why? 

Well, I've got a secret. It's probably not much of a secret to you. I have never been good at keeping secrets from you. But perhaps for some of the other people here:

Here's an  excerpt from an email I sent to Malinda and Devala. Thursday March 28th, 2019

"

...

But I just wanted to tell someone something, and you were the first person to came to mind. I want a record. It can be fun to make predictions, "oh, I think this will turn out this way." but unless you write it down, it's easy to change your memories of the past to fit your present. You know about false memories.

...

here's the thought, here's the reason for the name of the email.

From getting to know her, more and more, from the levels of feelings I'm having (not primarily the limerence happy brain chemicals, but the deep resonance, ease of being together, admiration, those kind of things. Plus, after last saturday, the base energetic physical attraction (not one of the most important things, but a nice bonus if it's that strong) the thought that came unbidden, in a kind of dumb grin playful glee, somehow not attached to it being true, but just tickled by it, was, 

"I find it hard to imagine how we could not end up marrying each other."

I realize that's a bit of an early call, and seems like maybe not the thing to say to someone you've just started dating, but who are we kidding, that kinda thought happens with lots of couples, silently you're thinking something similar, while your getting to know somebody. there are lots of tails about that kind of thing, that couples tell later on. when they realized s/he was the one ... I just wanna call it early, so I have proof it's not just a modified/made-up past memory.

"

[the title of the email was, "I'm calling it"]

I mention this not because I think my predictive powers are amazing, but to illustrate something: Suzannah was, is, so amazing, such a good fit, such a positive influence on me, that it was quickly, dumbly obvious that I should spend my life with her, if she also wanted that. 

 I think in this union, two givers found each other. It feels a bit like a fairly tail.

I want to briefly mention the symbology for me, of our rings, and then I'll end with a quote from something we read together early on and agreed sounded like good relationship advice.

These rings are made from the gold of an older ring. The important thing that happened with that ring, is that at some point, I took it off, held it up, and made my first real vow: I would not cease my explorations, I would not stop or be deterred, no matter what: I would seek and find the purpose of life, I would set my eye on what was most important, and let nothing get in the way. That was moments. That was the doorway into a life of magic. God responded to that total commitment, and things happened that I couldn't have believed, before experiencing them. 

Now I add a second vow, a second facet, to this determination. A second strand has joined my own. May my commitment to my highest interweave with yours. May I support you and your dreams, your brightest goals, as you support mine, and as they weave together in shared dreams. Let us not cease in our explorations, but hand in hand go further than we could alone, and when we arrive where we started, knowing the place for the first time, it will be all the richer, because we were enjoyed each step along the way, together.

...I don't think I need the other persons quote. Here is if anyone wants to read it.  (Leave photocopy on a table)