Fast, Passover, End of Semester

 Fastest blog ever, before Passover Seder starts: One week till end of semester (then a week of residency). In the final sprint! It's all focused on finishing out strong and getting it all done in time and getting ready for the travel to get to residency. Residency starts Monday, so I need to fly out Sunday. All the papers are due Sunday, so I need to finish them Saturday.

Next time I check in, I should be feeling pretty good, even if I haven't finished residency. Very much looking forward to an actual break. Woo!

Bye for now,

-Isaac

79 degrees, Outside/Inside, Papers in the wind.

New experimental format:

What is going on externally:

The weather is 79 degrees. I've got the window in my office open and it is tropical. Full spring has arrived. It's April 13th, so that is not normal I think. Climate change. The breeze feels wonderful and is knocking over and blowing around all my papers. Worth it.

The redbuds have finally started to bloom. The Japanese Maple is leafing out. The other maples are already loaded with helicopter seeds. I misspoke apparently, and what I thought were crocuses are in fact hyacinths. They have mostly dried up now. The daffodils are still going strong, despite being filled with little beetles. The... I can never remember the name, I just call them deer food, because the deer decimate them every year...hostas. The hostas are pushing up, even through a thick layer of mulch. I really love doing my sit spot every day. In addition to it being a chance for natural beauty and gratitude, I get to se the minute changes of the seasons and the plants. It's like a secret world, that's always been there that I just never got to see. Now I get to see every step from sprouting new leaves to full bloom to withering of flowers and ripening of seed pods.

Anyhoo, got off track. I wen to bed at 3am last night. I tried napping around 3 this afternoon, but only managed to stay in bed for maybe a half hour, without actually sleeping. Hopefully I'll go to bed earlier tonight. This is why I don't like watching anime and reading manga anymore: when I find something really good (I guess that could include books as well) I find it really hard to put then down. If only I could channel that intensity of focus and effort into some creative endeavor that lead to me making a living, I'd be set for life jobwise and ecstatic about it.

I have not gotten my 3 hours of papers in today, and I'm not going to. I did get at least one hour, and maybe I'll get a second. I am quietly terrified about this lack of progress. 

I've tried making guacamole from a recipe and it was really good. I tried steaming vegetables from a recipe and it was really convenient and passably good, and not overcooked. Somehow I am leveling up my cooking skills. Is it procrastination, or just making sure I'm not eating frozen meals. But I probably should be eating frozen meals, until I've finished my papers.

I did wash a bunch of dishes (which is extra difficult right now, as I somehow injured my lower back, so it hurts to stand for any length of time and especially to lean over). I'm now sitting kind of slumped in my chair, to try and keep it it from hurting and give the muscles as much of a rest as I can without just lying in bed all day, which is probably what would be best for it.

I scraped my hand on the murderously sharp kitchen knobs in my house. Knobs should be round, not pointy and sharp. Who chooses a pointy and sharp handle? Form over function. And safety.

What is going on internally:

Doing surprisingly well. Maybe it's the warm breeze and birdsong. Right now is some of the best weather we're going to get here, because it's been cool before now, so we likely only have a day or two before the bugs start swarming and making being outside less pleasant. Maybe it's because I am being productive today. I feel like my self-satisfaction is directly linked with how I feel I've been using my time. Time is such a precious resource. Especially with how slow I seem to work. Using it poorly tends to leave me with deep remorse, but I'm working on just accepting it and moving on, getting back on track, rather than self-flagellating. It's definitely a more productive approach than beating myself up.

I've been reading a bit about ADHD, and neurodiversity, for school, and though I don't think I have ADHD, I am wondering a bit if I have some kind of neurodiversity that would account for some of my challenges with time, despite my best (and longest) efforts.

Speaking of which, the timer I have going is telling me I need to end this post and get on to the next thing.

So, until next time: be well, be kind.

-Isaac

Simplification, focus, rest and activity. The satisfaction of having spent my time well.

It's been a few weeks since I've checked in. I'm in the midst of crunch time for this semester. I had some great luck, with one teacher condensing two papers into one, and then another two into the final presentation. And then another teacher moved a paper back a week. The net result is that, instead of 2 papers due the 14th, then 4 big papers due April 21st, with another two small ones due the 28th, it's now one small one due the 14th (already done) another two  big ones due the 21st (which I've started working on) and another big one and two small ones, due the 28th, one of which I've already completed most of. I've stopped working on it for now, as I need to focus on the two big one's coming up in 10 or so days.

If I spend 3 hours on them every day, it should be all right. But I haven't been, and so I've been getting worried. However, today I clocked in a full 3 hours, and I'm hoping I can keep up that pace. It doesn't seem like too much, but there are a lot of other things that need to happen every day as well, so actually being able to block out 3 hours of focused work consistently can be difficult.

Today felt good though. I didn't get everything done, but I got many things done, and I don't think I could have easily gotten more done. I used my time well, and that matters more to me than checking off everything on my daily list. I just need to check off all the important things, which I did.

What feels the best though, is getting the papers done without too much stress. I may be counting my chickens before they're hatched, but I think I've planned enough in advance and started working hard enough in advance, that I'm not going to be feeling awful during the last few days, cramming all the paper writing in last minute, pulling 12 hour days. 

The kind of focus necessary for creative academic writing, I can only do for about 3 hours before I start slowing down. I can do simple stuff, editing, formatting, gathering resources, reading scientific articles, for considerably longer than that, and I can even write for longer than that, but it starts becoming much less efficient, and I start feeling worse. I feel like when I can write earlier in the day, while my brain is fresh, I'm getting around twice the amount of writing done, per hour of time put in. Even later on in the day, as long as I haven't exhausted myself mentally. And it's higher quality work. By splitting it up among several days like this, and taking regular, quick breaks, I end up not burned out at the end, and I can then keep working on things, as long as I switch up what I'm working on.

There's plenty of other stuff to do, like cleaning, cooking, read assignments, life admin stuff, so I can keep working right up to when it's time to go to bed.

One of the most challenging elements is keeping my life simple. There are a lot of things I really want to do, but have to say no to, at least for now. But by keeping my focus on just a few things, I'm keeping myself from getting overwhelmed and burned out, which is what happened last semester.

Hopefully it keeps working through the next three weeks, and then I can take care of some of those things I have to say no to for now.

And in general, this practice of simplifying, of saying no to most of the things so I can do a good job with a few and not get burnt out, is a great teaching for me. I think one of the reasons I've always been overwhelmed and not had enough time in the past, was trying to do to many things at once. The crazy workload has been giving me practice on how to focus down and figure out what level of work is sustainable. One of the keys of that is keeping track of just how much I have to do, and when. That's given me the motivation to say no to all the things I really want to do, but don't have time for. And doing that has given me my life back. Even though it's still a lot of work, it's not miserable. It's manageable. I'm doing well. And that's great! 

With love and warmth,

-Isaac