New experimental format:
What is going on externally:
The weather is 79 degrees. I've got the window in my office open and it is tropical. Full spring has arrived. It's April 13th, so that is not normal I think. Climate change. The breeze feels wonderful and is knocking over and blowing around all my papers. Worth it.
The redbuds have finally started to bloom. The Japanese Maple is leafing out. The other maples are already loaded with helicopter seeds. I misspoke apparently, and what I thought were crocuses are in fact hyacinths. They have mostly dried up now. The daffodils are still going strong, despite being filled with little beetles. The... I can never remember the name, I just call them deer food, because the deer decimate them every year...hostas. The hostas are pushing up, even through a thick layer of mulch. I really love doing my sit spot every day. In addition to it being a chance for natural beauty and gratitude, I get to se the minute changes of the seasons and the plants. It's like a secret world, that's always been there that I just never got to see. Now I get to see every step from sprouting new leaves to full bloom to withering of flowers and ripening of seed pods.
Anyhoo, got off track. I wen to bed at 3am last night. I tried napping around 3 this afternoon, but only managed to stay in bed for maybe a half hour, without actually sleeping. Hopefully I'll go to bed earlier tonight. This is why I don't like watching anime and reading manga anymore: when I find something really good (I guess that could include books as well) I find it really hard to put then down. If only I could channel that intensity of focus and effort into some creative endeavor that lead to me making a living, I'd be set for life jobwise and ecstatic about it.
I have not gotten my 3 hours of papers in today, and I'm not going to. I did get at least one hour, and maybe I'll get a second. I am quietly terrified about this lack of progress.
I've tried making guacamole from a recipe and it was really good. I tried steaming vegetables from a recipe and it was really convenient and passably good, and not overcooked. Somehow I am leveling up my cooking skills. Is it procrastination, or just making sure I'm not eating frozen meals. But I probably should be eating frozen meals, until I've finished my papers.
I did wash a bunch of dishes (which is extra difficult right now, as I somehow injured my lower back, so it hurts to stand for any length of time and especially to lean over). I'm now sitting kind of slumped in my chair, to try and keep it it from hurting and give the muscles as much of a rest as I can without just lying in bed all day, which is probably what would be best for it.
I scraped my hand on the murderously sharp kitchen knobs in my house. Knobs should be round, not pointy and sharp. Who chooses a pointy and sharp handle? Form over function. And safety.
What is going on internally:
Doing surprisingly well. Maybe it's the warm breeze and birdsong. Right now is some of the best weather we're going to get here, because it's been cool before now, so we likely only have a day or two before the bugs start swarming and making being outside less pleasant. Maybe it's because I am being productive today. I feel like my self-satisfaction is directly linked with how I feel I've been using my time. Time is such a precious resource. Especially with how slow I seem to work. Using it poorly tends to leave me with deep remorse, but I'm working on just accepting it and moving on, getting back on track, rather than self-flagellating. It's definitely a more productive approach than beating myself up.
I've been reading a bit about ADHD, and neurodiversity, for school, and though I don't think I have ADHD, I am wondering a bit if I have some kind of neurodiversity that would account for some of my challenges with time, despite my best (and longest) efforts.
Speaking of which, the timer I have going is telling me I need to end this post and get on to the next thing.
So, until next time: be well, be kind.
-Isaac
No comments:
Post a Comment