Technically I did already post for this week, with my punful, titular apology on my comment moderation practices.
And if you want something longer, you're going to have to wait a bit more, because I'm exhausted from a late night and an early morning helping some awesome people make breakfast for a bunch of other awesome people at the regional spiritual retreat I just came back from. And, more relevant, I'm subbing for my old class tomorrow, so I need to get sleep, because I need to get up super early and plan out what I'm going to do.
Most of the specific details have been taken care of by the teacher, but if I want to do something special and vivifying, which I do, I'll need time to plan that, and I want to meditate on my past mistakes and successes with classroom management and think about a few things to try out and see if I can improve my performance with that.
When I first got the text asking if I wanted to sub, my immediate response was a visceral "no!" I mean, I'm on vacation, kind of, and frankly, it's kinda stressful, especially switching gears into teacher mode. But that little voice inside said to do it. So, with some serious longing for me to be mistaken on what the voice was saying, I agreed to do it. The voice of rightness is most certainly not the voice of ease.
Anyway, I was thinking about tomorrow, and thinking about how great a spiritual opportunity it continues to be. For me to have such an aversion to something, well, it means I've got some serious ego going on. Some serious misidentification of self. If I am truly identified as Atma, eternal, unchanging unaffected, or if I think I can practice equanimity as described in the Bhagavad Gita, or even if I just believe in my teacher's phrase, "why fear when I am here?" Then I should not be worried in the slightest.
And in fact, I know from experience with improv dance and creative writing, that I do my best work when I am in a playful, focused mindset that is 100% unconcerned with failure. And when I start getting precious about something, when I start thinking that "this is the thing that will make everything ok, if I just do it well" then I am swiftly given the smack-down by the universe, and my work becomes stilted and bland and unpleasant.
There are some who might say, "that sounds irresponsible and dumb. come over here so I can slap you." Maybe that's just in my own head. Anyways, all I can say is, perhaps I'm not describing it right, or perhaps those people just haven't had the experience that I'm referring to, because it's actually a much, much, more effective way to be, so if I'm not doing it, I'm doing the disservice to whoever I'm working for.
I suspect it's because this easier, more fun, and less neurotic way of being puts me in a state where I take intelligent risks and try new things, which are often good ideas that improve my work. And, it makes the process of doing whatever I'm doing, fun, so I do it more, so I get more practice. And, when I'm having fun, other people involved are way more likely to be having fun too. And people learn best when they are doing focused play. And when I'm not taking success and failure personally, it's easier to look objectively and change things that are not working, then get right back to it, rather than quit for a while and nurse my wounds and when I eventual do get back to it, approach with timidity.
So teaching is a superb training ground for this. In my mind it's super important, so it's a battle to not worry about my performance. Yet at the same time, it's not surgery or war, where mistakes actually could mean someone dies. As long as I'm approaching things with love, I may be totally ineffective, or anger a student, but that's probably the worst that's realistically going to happen, given my level of responsibility, even in this worry-free state. And I strongly suspect all of that is more likely to happen when I'm not in my "improv dance/creative writing" state.
Well, this did end up being long. Man, I am not so good at the "short post" thing. I need to practice that skill, for my own sake.
Anyhoo. Next time, if I remember: a cool little story about intuition and a garage sale on the way back from the retreat today. Or maybe I'll just try practicing writing really short posts. Except those might take even longer. The Mark Twain quote comes to mind: "-
er, never mind, apparently that was a spurious attribution. Thanks internets. One of the actual authors of this quote was Blase Pascal, and translated from the French, it is, "I have made this longer than usual because I have not had time to make it shorter."
So yeah, that.
Well, I have failed to not write a real post, and tomorrow hopefully I will fail to do a bad job.
P.S. I feel like I should add a less tongue in cheek addendum if anyone is planning on trying this at home: I'm not skimping on preparation. I just approach it with more of a sense of play, which, because it's fun, can result in a great deal more preparation. This kind of not worrying is still responsible. It's a matter of fear-based motivation vs. love-based motivation. Fear-based motivation stops being responsible once it's not afraid of failing. Love-based motivation just does the right thing regardless of circumstances.
P.P.S. This "failing to fail" reminds me of the thing from Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, where Arthur Dent learns to fly by falling and missing the ground.
Monday, May 29, 2017
Thursday, May 25, 2017
Soiree for my slow comment approval
I should mention, briefly, that if you post a comment and it doesn't show up for, y'know, a couple of months, it's probably not because I don't like it, it's because blogger has a very bad interface for comment moderation, and never see any kind of reminder on the website that I've got comments awaiting approval. But comment away! I love comments. It makes it feel more like a tea party chat. I think I finally at least figured out where to find comments awaiting approval. I only moderate so there's no trolling or bot advertising. I demand civility and manners at my soirees (pronounced "swa-rAys." Spelling courtesy of the alien phonics of French-derived words.)
Sunday, May 21, 2017
My Birthday, caster-oil face, Eeyore, eliminating toilet splash-back, humble enough to be happy
Happy birthday to me!
I have so much to be grateful for, including the very practice of gratitude and positivity itself. In the past I would often get particularly depressed around my birthday, since it inevitably lead me to consider my past year, and my life up to that point, and then I would start thinking about how lonely, and inept, and unloved I was. And after my best friend committed suicide right around my birthday, I had that to think of as well.
The first really good thing I remember happening on my birthday was in 11th grade. I very clearly remember getting a big card, from all/most of the girls in my class, with lots of personal messages saying how they liked me. Not as in crushes, just thought I was good as a person. It was totally overwhelming, and kind of unbelievable to me. My view of myself in regards to women was incredibly negative, fed by my extream shyness and thus failure in every respect around any girl I had a crush on. And in general, I had an extremely critical and negativeve view of myself.
I think that card literaly changed my view of myself. Not all the way overnight, of course. One doesn't undo years of negitive self-belifes in a day. But that day I was presented with the strong possibility that perhaps women did not, in fact, think as poorly of myself as I did. That they thought pretty well of me, and so perhaps, I was not a shoddy failur of a human being.
That letter gave me emperical evidence that my self-image was inaccurate, and I begin dragging myself towards a more neutral self-image. So thank you, MSAE class of 2004 girls, for giving me self-confidence (what would that look like, in a Wizard of Oz scenario? The lion got a little heart watch, right? I suppose it would just be the birthday card.) There was more to it than that, of course.
In any case, this year, this birthday, I wasn't with my friends, I was reminded of Dan, and I had a bit of a binge on games and such late into the night, the last two days.
All these things could have come together to create a nice opportuity to really Eeyore it up. But I didn't. I have humbled myself somewhat past my egotistical attachment to self pitty, and past my attachment to... I'm not sure what to call it...
You know when you have a little kid, and they're sad and/or angry about something, throwing a tantrum or whatnot, and then you get them to crack a smile, or be distracted and not sad anymore? But then once they realize they've slipped up and forgotten to be miserable, they're angry at you, for tricking them into being happy again, and you can almost hear them saying, "No! I wont be happy! You didn't give me a dolly!" and they work themselfs back up into a froth about whatever it was. Or if they can't get there, go into a sulk.
That thing. Us adults do it too. We hold onto our pain and angr and lonlieness. We'll even whip out memories and phyisical pariphanalia to stare at and get in deeper with whatever negitivity we're inflicting on ourselfs. I think, subconsciously, there may be some element trying to thereby punish the world, or ourselfs, or another person. Makes me think of the forgivness work I'm doing:
"If I forgive that rat for what he did, then he's off the hook, and I don't want him off the hook. I want him to burn!"
"If I forgive the world for not giving me what I want, and I let myself be happy anyways, then the world won't be punished for not giving me what I want. If I don't punish it, then it will just keep witholding wealth/companionship/success from me. It has to learn it's lesson."
We think that, if we're not angry or hurt, then the worlds going to walk all over us.
I've actually been getting better at both things:
One: forgiving. Forgiving the world, and people, and myself.
And two: asking for what I want and saying no to what I don't want. Being a teacher of young children teaches you how to do this in the "throw him in the pool and see if he learns to swim" kind of way.
In any case, negitive situations are less and less dictating my internal state. Instead, I'm dictating. And I'm saying: I choose happiness.
I have a ritual on my birthday: Soliomancy. I dont' know if that's an official word, but in my mind, it is a word, and it means predicting the future based on the sunrise. Each year, I get up before the sun rises, and go for a wander without time or destination, and see where I end up, and what the sunrise looks like. It often is quiet magical.
But I forgot about that, last night, and it was late, so I slept in. at first, I was thinking that was a bad sign. I could have deathspiraled from there. But then I thought, I guess this just means I'm doing it by the sunset, instead. And that somehow seems very apt. Perfectly apt, as it always is. This year, there are a lot of endings happening. How does that quote go? "Today I put away childish things, and... " well, I guess I give them to the kids I'm teaching.
I feel there are quite a few patterns that are shriviling up and dieing, and may be dead, very soon. Things like my Eeyore-ish pessimism. My harsh self-criticism. My doormat-ness. My overthinking.
I just paused for a moment in thought, and noticed a giant hawk in the tree right outside my window. Paused and watched from as close as I could get for a while, but it could feel someone staring and flew off. It was huge! Red tail hawk. I shall take that as a sign. It makes me think of pride, in a good way. Let this be the year of self confidence.
Anyways, this entry is running loooooong. I really just wanted to leave you with a few birthday tidbits of wizdom, so here goes.
-if you put a single peice of toilet paper floating on the surface of the water in the toilet, before using the toilet, it does something that usually prevets getting any splashback. Wisdom for the ages.
-true wealth can be found in lasting relationships of love and support. Friends, family, loved ones. That is a much better place to invest your time and energy than simply making a lot of money, or going for prestige/power/fame.
-being busy is a blessing. We were not meant to idle around too much, and doing so, behond a certain fairly short r&r period after an intense sprint, is poisonous to our happiness.
-set your dreams without considering wheather they are possible or not. More are achievable than you think, and the way to get there is to have them as visions that you're moving towards, and never give up moving towards them. (unless you decide later that you don't actually want them.) Then you break it up into small, achievable goals.
-God may be omnipresent, but if you want to make his presence concreate, felt, experienced, miraculous: be righeous.
Not in the "cowabunga, righeous dude!" way. In the, "I'm going to do what my heart/conscience tells me is the right thing to do. All the time, no matter what." You won't do it all the time, but you'll keep getting better, and if you are doing your best, that is sufficient.
-Following your own internal sense of righeousness, of conscience, may seem way less fun at first. You may fear that life is going to suck and be boring and bereft of pleasure and joy. But that's not the case. It's actually the most joyus way to live.
-If you're trying to follow the path of your own heart/conscience, and you start having caster-oil face, you are doing something wrong. Probably someone told you some things about God or spirituality or morality, which are not true, and that programming is drowing out your own inner voice. You're hearts path, though perhaps difficult and low in proccessed sugars, is a path of love, joy, and peace. I don't mean to make it sound easy. It's not. But it's worth it, and you can do it, if you keep at it. As you do your best, you find yourself supported and carried, after you've gone as far as you could on your own two feet.
Well, this got interrupted by some birthday calls, and I missed the sunset too! Wahahaha! I don't care! I shall surpass the bonds of destiny, and write my own future. Or co-write it? In any case, I couldn't think of a better end to the day than talking with some of my best friends.
And, in fact, every day, is my birthday. I have a prayer I say, basically every morning, and one part of it goes like this, "Oh lord, I am born now from the womb of sleep." Meaning: every morning when I wake up, it is a new birth, and when I go to sleep, it is a death. That day is a lifetime, in miniature.
It reminds me to value the day. What if that day was the only day I had? I don't quite behave that way literally, or I'd be eating a lot more sugar, and writing a bunch of emails to my loved ones. But in terms of making good use of my time here on earth, it's good to remain cognizant of your own impending, inevitable death. And the fact is, we don't know how soon that's going to be. We can't know the future.
So make good use of your life in this precious moment.
From my Now to yours,
Love,
Isaac
I have so much to be grateful for, including the very practice of gratitude and positivity itself. In the past I would often get particularly depressed around my birthday, since it inevitably lead me to consider my past year, and my life up to that point, and then I would start thinking about how lonely, and inept, and unloved I was. And after my best friend committed suicide right around my birthday, I had that to think of as well.
The first really good thing I remember happening on my birthday was in 11th grade. I very clearly remember getting a big card, from all/most of the girls in my class, with lots of personal messages saying how they liked me. Not as in crushes, just thought I was good as a person. It was totally overwhelming, and kind of unbelievable to me. My view of myself in regards to women was incredibly negative, fed by my extream shyness and thus failure in every respect around any girl I had a crush on. And in general, I had an extremely critical and negativeve view of myself.
I think that card literaly changed my view of myself. Not all the way overnight, of course. One doesn't undo years of negitive self-belifes in a day. But that day I was presented with the strong possibility that perhaps women did not, in fact, think as poorly of myself as I did. That they thought pretty well of me, and so perhaps, I was not a shoddy failur of a human being.
That letter gave me emperical evidence that my self-image was inaccurate, and I begin dragging myself towards a more neutral self-image. So thank you, MSAE class of 2004 girls, for giving me self-confidence (what would that look like, in a Wizard of Oz scenario? The lion got a little heart watch, right? I suppose it would just be the birthday card.) There was more to it than that, of course.
In any case, this year, this birthday, I wasn't with my friends, I was reminded of Dan, and I had a bit of a binge on games and such late into the night, the last two days.
All these things could have come together to create a nice opportuity to really Eeyore it up. But I didn't. I have humbled myself somewhat past my egotistical attachment to self pitty, and past my attachment to... I'm not sure what to call it...
You know when you have a little kid, and they're sad and/or angry about something, throwing a tantrum or whatnot, and then you get them to crack a smile, or be distracted and not sad anymore? But then once they realize they've slipped up and forgotten to be miserable, they're angry at you, for tricking them into being happy again, and you can almost hear them saying, "No! I wont be happy! You didn't give me a dolly!" and they work themselfs back up into a froth about whatever it was. Or if they can't get there, go into a sulk.
That thing. Us adults do it too. We hold onto our pain and angr and lonlieness. We'll even whip out memories and phyisical pariphanalia to stare at and get in deeper with whatever negitivity we're inflicting on ourselfs. I think, subconsciously, there may be some element trying to thereby punish the world, or ourselfs, or another person. Makes me think of the forgivness work I'm doing:
"If I forgive that rat for what he did, then he's off the hook, and I don't want him off the hook. I want him to burn!"
"If I forgive the world for not giving me what I want, and I let myself be happy anyways, then the world won't be punished for not giving me what I want. If I don't punish it, then it will just keep witholding wealth/companionship/success from me. It has to learn it's lesson."
We think that, if we're not angry or hurt, then the worlds going to walk all over us.
I've actually been getting better at both things:
One: forgiving. Forgiving the world, and people, and myself.
And two: asking for what I want and saying no to what I don't want. Being a teacher of young children teaches you how to do this in the "throw him in the pool and see if he learns to swim" kind of way.
In any case, negitive situations are less and less dictating my internal state. Instead, I'm dictating. And I'm saying: I choose happiness.
I have a ritual on my birthday: Soliomancy. I dont' know if that's an official word, but in my mind, it is a word, and it means predicting the future based on the sunrise. Each year, I get up before the sun rises, and go for a wander without time or destination, and see where I end up, and what the sunrise looks like. It often is quiet magical.
But I forgot about that, last night, and it was late, so I slept in. at first, I was thinking that was a bad sign. I could have deathspiraled from there. But then I thought, I guess this just means I'm doing it by the sunset, instead. And that somehow seems very apt. Perfectly apt, as it always is. This year, there are a lot of endings happening. How does that quote go? "Today I put away childish things, and... " well, I guess I give them to the kids I'm teaching.
I feel there are quite a few patterns that are shriviling up and dieing, and may be dead, very soon. Things like my Eeyore-ish pessimism. My harsh self-criticism. My doormat-ness. My overthinking.
I just paused for a moment in thought, and noticed a giant hawk in the tree right outside my window. Paused and watched from as close as I could get for a while, but it could feel someone staring and flew off. It was huge! Red tail hawk. I shall take that as a sign. It makes me think of pride, in a good way. Let this be the year of self confidence.
Anyways, this entry is running loooooong. I really just wanted to leave you with a few birthday tidbits of wizdom, so here goes.
-if you put a single peice of toilet paper floating on the surface of the water in the toilet, before using the toilet, it does something that usually prevets getting any splashback. Wisdom for the ages.
-true wealth can be found in lasting relationships of love and support. Friends, family, loved ones. That is a much better place to invest your time and energy than simply making a lot of money, or going for prestige/power/fame.
-being busy is a blessing. We were not meant to idle around too much, and doing so, behond a certain fairly short r&r period after an intense sprint, is poisonous to our happiness.
-set your dreams without considering wheather they are possible or not. More are achievable than you think, and the way to get there is to have them as visions that you're moving towards, and never give up moving towards them. (unless you decide later that you don't actually want them.) Then you break it up into small, achievable goals.
-God may be omnipresent, but if you want to make his presence concreate, felt, experienced, miraculous: be righeous.
Not in the "cowabunga, righeous dude!" way. In the, "I'm going to do what my heart/conscience tells me is the right thing to do. All the time, no matter what." You won't do it all the time, but you'll keep getting better, and if you are doing your best, that is sufficient.
-Following your own internal sense of righeousness, of conscience, may seem way less fun at first. You may fear that life is going to suck and be boring and bereft of pleasure and joy. But that's not the case. It's actually the most joyus way to live.
-If you're trying to follow the path of your own heart/conscience, and you start having caster-oil face, you are doing something wrong. Probably someone told you some things about God or spirituality or morality, which are not true, and that programming is drowing out your own inner voice. You're hearts path, though perhaps difficult and low in proccessed sugars, is a path of love, joy, and peace. I don't mean to make it sound easy. It's not. But it's worth it, and you can do it, if you keep at it. As you do your best, you find yourself supported and carried, after you've gone as far as you could on your own two feet.
Well, this got interrupted by some birthday calls, and I missed the sunset too! Wahahaha! I don't care! I shall surpass the bonds of destiny, and write my own future. Or co-write it? In any case, I couldn't think of a better end to the day than talking with some of my best friends.
And, in fact, every day, is my birthday. I have a prayer I say, basically every morning, and one part of it goes like this, "Oh lord, I am born now from the womb of sleep." Meaning: every morning when I wake up, it is a new birth, and when I go to sleep, it is a death. That day is a lifetime, in miniature.
It reminds me to value the day. What if that day was the only day I had? I don't quite behave that way literally, or I'd be eating a lot more sugar, and writing a bunch of emails to my loved ones. But in terms of making good use of my time here on earth, it's good to remain cognizant of your own impending, inevitable death. And the fact is, we don't know how soon that's going to be. We can't know the future.
So make good use of your life in this precious moment.
From my Now to yours,
Love,
Isaac
Thursday, May 18, 2017
Psych!
I'm DONE! I finished my child observation paper, shared it digitally...
But, I do plan on looking at it again in a few days, just to go over it and edit it. I can't stand looking at another paper right now, so I'm done, and time will give me a more objective perspective. But then I truly will be done. And tomorrow I visit my final internship site, in Putney VT! I hope it's amazing and perfect, so I don't have to think too much about deciding where I'm going to go next fall. In any case, after that visit, it's just a matter of writing an email to someone and saying: "can I be your intern!" And them saying, "Sure!"
And also, right after this post I'm going to work on a separate project for some friends. Which hopefully won't need more than one or two more drafts.
So the title of this post is kind of to say, "hey I'm done!... er, psych! I've got lots of things still to do. Whoops." But I like it that way. I like being busy. In fact, one of the main things I want to do is spend some time making a summer plan for myself, of fun stuff I want to accomplish.
And I really should plan something for my birthday. Really, the only thing I want is to spend time with as many good friends as possible. But I don't know that I will be able to, since I'm not in Iowa or New York. Perhaps I should send out a mass email saying, "hey! call me on Sunday and chat with me!" I suppose that would be pretty cool, if I can't actually be with people in the flesh.
Things I'm looking forward to in the immediate future:
-Finally having time to KonMarie my life.
-Finally having time to catch up and really learn the GTD methodology for relaxed productivity.
-Trying out some games
-Catching up on readings from school or related to teaching that I didn't have time to read with everything else happening
-Finishing artistic projects
-Doing something musical like continuing to learn guitar
-Continuing to learn a language
-Drawing
-Writing
-Talking with my friends more often.
And a little more distantly into the future:
-Hanging out with my friends in person!!!
-Playing games with my friends!
OK now, back to work... I really should do something to celebrate finishing up with my internship, and my birthday coming. Something really relaxing, like going to a sauna. I'm achy from all the sitting I've been doing.
I've got a bunch of good post ideas as well, baking in the oven, and perhaps I'll have more luck getting them done this summer, God willing (or "Deo Volentis" as the stoics used to say.)
Goodbye for now.
-I
But, I do plan on looking at it again in a few days, just to go over it and edit it. I can't stand looking at another paper right now, so I'm done, and time will give me a more objective perspective. But then I truly will be done. And tomorrow I visit my final internship site, in Putney VT! I hope it's amazing and perfect, so I don't have to think too much about deciding where I'm going to go next fall. In any case, after that visit, it's just a matter of writing an email to someone and saying: "can I be your intern!" And them saying, "Sure!"
And also, right after this post I'm going to work on a separate project for some friends. Which hopefully won't need more than one or two more drafts.
So the title of this post is kind of to say, "hey I'm done!... er, psych! I've got lots of things still to do. Whoops." But I like it that way. I like being busy. In fact, one of the main things I want to do is spend some time making a summer plan for myself, of fun stuff I want to accomplish.
And I really should plan something for my birthday. Really, the only thing I want is to spend time with as many good friends as possible. But I don't know that I will be able to, since I'm not in Iowa or New York. Perhaps I should send out a mass email saying, "hey! call me on Sunday and chat with me!" I suppose that would be pretty cool, if I can't actually be with people in the flesh.
Things I'm looking forward to in the immediate future:
-Finally having time to KonMarie my life.
-Finally having time to catch up and really learn the GTD methodology for relaxed productivity.
-Trying out some games
-Catching up on readings from school or related to teaching that I didn't have time to read with everything else happening
-Finishing artistic projects
-Doing something musical like continuing to learn guitar
-Continuing to learn a language
-Drawing
-Writing
-Talking with my friends more often.
And a little more distantly into the future:
-Hanging out with my friends in person!!!
-Playing games with my friends!
OK now, back to work... I really should do something to celebrate finishing up with my internship, and my birthday coming. Something really relaxing, like going to a sauna. I'm achy from all the sitting I've been doing.
I've got a bunch of good post ideas as well, baking in the oven, and perhaps I'll have more luck getting them done this summer, God willing (or "Deo Volentis" as the stoics used to say.)
Goodbye for now.
-I
Sunday, May 14, 2017
To-do's, greying foxes, and Mother's Day
Another short one, because I am still finishing up all the things, but I want something written this weekend, and I may forget once I dive into all of today's activities.
I'm at my parent's house for now. Happy Mothers day, Mom! I thought you might be here, but what you are doing is much better, spending time with your grandchildren ^_^
I hope they don't exhaust you ;-)
I'm grateful for your love, support, wisdom, and now, as I've gotten older, your friendship. I'm so happy I get to spend time with you often, and it is simple, easy and full of love. I wish that for everybody, but I know it is not something everybody gets to have, and so I don't forget it is a precious gift.
Everything is beautiful and vibrantly green here. The beech trees especially. The leaves are not tiny anymore, but still have that golden green which I love so much, and is especially nice with the early morning sun shining on and through them.
As I was going for a walk I saw one of the foxes, which always makes for a magical day. It was a lot more gray at the corners than in the past. Perhaps it was a winter coat? I think it may be one of the pups I saw earlier, now in adolescence. Such things warm my heart. Seeing the young, growing up. It's kind of the physical embodiment of hope. And anyone who's paying attention to the news certainly needs that. I tend to avoid the news but some of it seeps in via other people who like to talk about it. I'd like a version of the news that just tells the facts, minus the doom and gloom, the predictions for terrible futures. I can draw those conclusions myself, thank you. I don't need your nightmares added on top of it. Or if there is going to be commentary, I'd want commentary on simple, immediate action steps that I personally am capable of doing, to help.
In any case, I'm working on being a great teacher that instills self-confidence, compassion, and a spirit of selfless service, so that's what I'm doing to help. That's got my hands plenty full for now. There is somewhere that I can help, and that brings me joy to work on.
Perhaps I'll conclude with my current checklist:
-Prepare for my two online classes today (already started.)
-Call a friend to help write a rap/poem about the wonderful diversity of ways that people relate to God.
-(that's probably all for today.)
Then:
-Tomorrow: visit my acting teacher in New York because his current class is putting on their graduation showcase, and his birthday is this week
-Finish editing the final chunk of my math class final paper
-Write my child observation paper
-Visit internship site(s) (one this Friday, so far)
Then there's a bunch of lower priority stuff that I've been putting off until I had some time over summer, and until all these other more time-sensitive things have been done. I'm really looking forward to getting them off my to-do list and out of my brain.
And I'm really looking forward to giving my room a good thorough clean, and hopefully finishing up giving away/recycling/throwing out all the stuff I don't need or want anymore, Kon-Mari style. Now with a little more wisdom about what to throw out and what to keep, after getting rid of a bunch and seeing if there was anything that I missed, (answer: one series of about 12 awesome science books is the only thing I wish I hadn't gotten rid of. nothing else.)
I'm also looking forward to reading all the books I've been putting off.
And maybe, hopefully, finishing some of the projects I've started.
And at some point, visiting my dear friends that I've been missing so much. I've got to figure out when I can get to Iowa, and when the largest percentage of my best friends will be there and available.
OK, let's see how it all actually shakes out over the coming week or two.
Signing off,
-I
I'm at my parent's house for now. Happy Mothers day, Mom! I thought you might be here, but what you are doing is much better, spending time with your grandchildren ^_^
I hope they don't exhaust you ;-)
I'm grateful for your love, support, wisdom, and now, as I've gotten older, your friendship. I'm so happy I get to spend time with you often, and it is simple, easy and full of love. I wish that for everybody, but I know it is not something everybody gets to have, and so I don't forget it is a precious gift.
Everything is beautiful and vibrantly green here. The beech trees especially. The leaves are not tiny anymore, but still have that golden green which I love so much, and is especially nice with the early morning sun shining on and through them.
As I was going for a walk I saw one of the foxes, which always makes for a magical day. It was a lot more gray at the corners than in the past. Perhaps it was a winter coat? I think it may be one of the pups I saw earlier, now in adolescence. Such things warm my heart. Seeing the young, growing up. It's kind of the physical embodiment of hope. And anyone who's paying attention to the news certainly needs that. I tend to avoid the news but some of it seeps in via other people who like to talk about it. I'd like a version of the news that just tells the facts, minus the doom and gloom, the predictions for terrible futures. I can draw those conclusions myself, thank you. I don't need your nightmares added on top of it. Or if there is going to be commentary, I'd want commentary on simple, immediate action steps that I personally am capable of doing, to help.
In any case, I'm working on being a great teacher that instills self-confidence, compassion, and a spirit of selfless service, so that's what I'm doing to help. That's got my hands plenty full for now. There is somewhere that I can help, and that brings me joy to work on.
Perhaps I'll conclude with my current checklist:
-Prepare for my two online classes today (already started.)
-Call a friend to help write a rap/poem about the wonderful diversity of ways that people relate to God.
-(that's probably all for today.)
Then:
-Tomorrow: visit my acting teacher in New York because his current class is putting on their graduation showcase, and his birthday is this week
-Finish editing the final chunk of my math class final paper
-Write my child observation paper
-Visit internship site(s) (one this Friday, so far)
Then there's a bunch of lower priority stuff that I've been putting off until I had some time over summer, and until all these other more time-sensitive things have been done. I'm really looking forward to getting them off my to-do list and out of my brain.
And I'm really looking forward to giving my room a good thorough clean, and hopefully finishing up giving away/recycling/throwing out all the stuff I don't need or want anymore, Kon-Mari style. Now with a little more wisdom about what to throw out and what to keep, after getting rid of a bunch and seeing if there was anything that I missed, (answer: one series of about 12 awesome science books is the only thing I wish I hadn't gotten rid of. nothing else.)
I'm also looking forward to reading all the books I've been putting off.
And maybe, hopefully, finishing some of the projects I've started.
And at some point, visiting my dear friends that I've been missing so much. I've got to figure out when I can get to Iowa, and when the largest percentage of my best friends will be there and available.
OK, let's see how it all actually shakes out over the coming week or two.
Signing off,
-I
Monday, May 8, 2017
Mum's the Word
School is over. Two papers to go still, and finding an internship. I so very strongly want to be done with all the school work so I can take an honest to goodness break. I want so much to go back and see my Fairfield crew in Iowa. I want to play games. I want to read books. I want to go for long walks where I chat with friends among the newly leafing trees.
So as much as possible now, I'm just gonna focus down and get these dag nabbit papers written!
In the meantime, here is the poster we made for the Mummer's play me and my fellow teachers-in-training put on with a great group of high school kids last Friday:
And if you want a close-up of the excellent photo:
Aren't you curious what it was about? That means marketing did a good job ;-)
Anyways, much love, and looking forward to perhaps some more/longer posts once I'm freeeeee. (At least until the summer semester starts in June)
So as much as possible now, I'm just gonna focus down and get these dag nabbit papers written!
In the meantime, here is the poster we made for the Mummer's play me and my fellow teachers-in-training put on with a great group of high school kids last Friday:
And if you want a close-up of the excellent photo:
Aren't you curious what it was about? That means marketing did a good job ;-)
Anyways, much love, and looking forward to perhaps some more/longer posts once I'm freeeeee. (At least until the summer semester starts in June)
Wednesday, May 3, 2017
The Fattest, Guiltiest Cat
So, my title is taking some creative liberties. This cat is neither the fattest, nor likely the most guilty. But judge for yourself:
Right around the house I'm living in, probably owned by a neighbor, is a plush, grey, highly rubenesque cat, that I cannot help finding sadly comical, because this cat is wearing a bright, teal, cloth bib. As though it's getting ready to feast on some bird, but with proper table etiquette. My suspicions are that it is quite the opposite, and this bib is some kind of anti bird-killing device, affixed to the unfortunate feline because someone watched the episode of Adam Ruins Everything where he makes all outdoor cat owners and all stray cat feeders feel extremely guilty for encouraging the destruction of the bird population and subsequent ecological wreckage.
Clip here:
In any case, it looks really awkward and makes the cat walk (and run!) in a distinctly silly way. So, entertaining enough, (does this make me a bad person?) but this cat is the guiltiest cat I've ever seen. I feel like this cat must get yelled at a lot, because whenever It see's me, or another human being, it books it out of there like it's just lit something on fire and you saw it. Like just now, on my way back from a brain break walk, it was doing something on the porch, and as soon as it saw me, it fled like it had been eating my desert on the porch. This was not a normal cat, "you must be at least 15 feet from the cat," action, this cat ran and kept running. It did not look back, it did not slow down. It was booking it until I couldn't see where it had gone off too.
Thus, you meet guilty bib cat. Your welcome.
You may be wondering why I'm writing this and not a paper. Well, great news! I finished one of my two big papers (clocking in at about 25 pages double spaced, but only around 12 pages of writing, single space. I think..) A day and a half before I thought I would! Yaaaay! That means one more big paper, and one more small paper, and then I'm done. So to celebrate, I'm shifting gears a bit and writing something.
In other news, on my way out to my walk, I was nomming on some dried mango, and saw a squirrel, on a picknick table, nomming on a nut. I though it would run away, because I was pretty close, but it seemed to think that, since I was already eating something, I wasn't going to try and eat it. So we just sat there, staring at each other, eating our respective snacks, until it was done and hopped away.
Also, yesterday evening was an incredible, horizon to horizon rainbow, bright enough to see the secondary rainbow. I've got some pictures. If I remember, I'll post 'em, but not now. It's about time to get back to work. Though I've noticed that it's almost not worth the effort to engage in high-order thinking/creating tasks after 3 pm or so. It ends up taking 4 times as long, or more, and the products are inferior. This is super interesting and useful, in that it helps me plan my day: in the morning, I do my "hard" work, and ignore easy work, and ignore all distractions like email or phones or etc. That time is too precious. Then, once I get to the afternoon, I can switch to lower brainpower tasks. Stuff that still needs to get done, but that I don't need my edge for. Transcribing written text, reading things, organizing, emails, errands.
I think this is the way to go, in terms of efficiency, when I have the luxury to organize my own time. It's also a good reason to get up early, because that extends my most productive hours. And giving myself permission to chill for some of that evening time also prevents burnout, and helps get me to bed earlier. One other really useful thing I discovered that helps with that... but I already wrote a version of that post, which I need to edit, so I'll save that for whenever I get around to it.
In any case, let's see what more I can get done before I have to ask for extensions.
-IO
Right around the house I'm living in, probably owned by a neighbor, is a plush, grey, highly rubenesque cat, that I cannot help finding sadly comical, because this cat is wearing a bright, teal, cloth bib. As though it's getting ready to feast on some bird, but with proper table etiquette. My suspicions are that it is quite the opposite, and this bib is some kind of anti bird-killing device, affixed to the unfortunate feline because someone watched the episode of Adam Ruins Everything where he makes all outdoor cat owners and all stray cat feeders feel extremely guilty for encouraging the destruction of the bird population and subsequent ecological wreckage.
Clip here:
In any case, it looks really awkward and makes the cat walk (and run!) in a distinctly silly way. So, entertaining enough, (does this make me a bad person?) but this cat is the guiltiest cat I've ever seen. I feel like this cat must get yelled at a lot, because whenever It see's me, or another human being, it books it out of there like it's just lit something on fire and you saw it. Like just now, on my way back from a brain break walk, it was doing something on the porch, and as soon as it saw me, it fled like it had been eating my desert on the porch. This was not a normal cat, "you must be at least 15 feet from the cat," action, this cat ran and kept running. It did not look back, it did not slow down. It was booking it until I couldn't see where it had gone off too.
Thus, you meet guilty bib cat. Your welcome.
You may be wondering why I'm writing this and not a paper. Well, great news! I finished one of my two big papers (clocking in at about 25 pages double spaced, but only around 12 pages of writing, single space. I think..) A day and a half before I thought I would! Yaaaay! That means one more big paper, and one more small paper, and then I'm done. So to celebrate, I'm shifting gears a bit and writing something.
In other news, on my way out to my walk, I was nomming on some dried mango, and saw a squirrel, on a picknick table, nomming on a nut. I though it would run away, because I was pretty close, but it seemed to think that, since I was already eating something, I wasn't going to try and eat it. So we just sat there, staring at each other, eating our respective snacks, until it was done and hopped away.
Also, yesterday evening was an incredible, horizon to horizon rainbow, bright enough to see the secondary rainbow. I've got some pictures. If I remember, I'll post 'em, but not now. It's about time to get back to work. Though I've noticed that it's almost not worth the effort to engage in high-order thinking/creating tasks after 3 pm or so. It ends up taking 4 times as long, or more, and the products are inferior. This is super interesting and useful, in that it helps me plan my day: in the morning, I do my "hard" work, and ignore easy work, and ignore all distractions like email or phones or etc. That time is too precious. Then, once I get to the afternoon, I can switch to lower brainpower tasks. Stuff that still needs to get done, but that I don't need my edge for. Transcribing written text, reading things, organizing, emails, errands.
I think this is the way to go, in terms of efficiency, when I have the luxury to organize my own time. It's also a good reason to get up early, because that extends my most productive hours. And giving myself permission to chill for some of that evening time also prevents burnout, and helps get me to bed earlier. One other really useful thing I discovered that helps with that... but I already wrote a version of that post, which I need to edit, so I'll save that for whenever I get around to it.
In any case, let's see what more I can get done before I have to ask for extensions.
-IO
Monday, May 1, 2017
Final Week
Welp, this is the final week of classes. And all the things are due. I'm trying not to distract myself with other things, so this is all ya get this week, barring something really strange happening. Writing writing writing. And researching. What is the balance between how much effort I put in and how much benefit it will give me? I could only get 6 hours of sleep a night and keep working past the point of exhaustion to make the paper a bit better... Or I could be satisfied with OK and move on to the next thing due. I suppose the real question is, what is my ultimate goal, with all this? It's cultivating character in children so they have an awesome life and are a boon to the world. I suppose that's all the guidance I really need. Except I also want to practice excellence in whatever I do.
Ah well, we will see how it all shakes out in the end. I will be surprised if I don't have to extend several of my assignments past the end of the semester. But hopefully not too far past.
Good-bye for now. And happy birthday, mom :-D
-IO
Ah well, we will see how it all shakes out in the end. I will be surprised if I don't have to extend several of my assignments past the end of the semester. But hopefully not too far past.
Good-bye for now. And happy birthday, mom :-D
-IO
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