My desk is now mostly clean. I've got spots for everything to go, so I can quickly put things away. Except all my papers. I have yet to figure out a good method for dealing with them. I just end up having a bunch of papers spread out over my desk, reminding me of various things, and I want all of them there, reminding me.
I guess the reason is simple, I don't yet have a todo list system that I trust I'll look at regularly, or that will show me everything important I need to do at a glance. This is a systems problem, not a physical problem. I still haven't refined my system for dealing with various kinds of work, todo's lists of info, etc. I'm sure I could, given time, but I don't have the time I used to, back in the day. When was the last time I had an abundance of time... I think the main one was back in New York, after my acting conservatory ended. I worked as a freelance writer, and was experimenting with life-coaching, and started doing my early morning routines. It was wonderful. Before the life coaching, I was researching, reading, and journaling, trying to figure out what I really wanted to do, as a life work.
I tried a lot of different methods. I worked through an array of exercises with the "what color is your parachute" book and a bunch of other books. I made lists of the things I loved to do, the things I was good at, and where they intersected doing something that the world needed/I could get paid for. I prayed, I looked at astrology, I took signature strength tests, I tried to access my intuition. Etc.
I've narrowed it down to a point where I'm not desperately searching, and I'm starting to focus more on the skills needed, the 'improving yourself' section. As I improve with those skills, I'll have more of what Cal Newport calls, I think it's "career capitol" that is, having unique and valuable skills, which you can cash in for more ideal jobs. More autonomy, mastery, connectedness, in your work. Going back to the dating thing, that equates to being a 'good catch' I guess. You've got options to choose from. And while you still need to choose an option that really matches you, and not just the job that looks best on paper (or person that looks best on paper), there is at least the option or possibility of that choice, once you have the career capitol (or datability?)
I waited a while, to start dating, until I was ready to put in the time and energy. In the same way, I'm not looking for a new job now. I'm working on building my skills. But one of those primary skills is how to do the job well and not burn out.
This makes me think of the "date a book" analogy from some reading curriculum I was shown. The idea for finding a book you liked, was to date a bunch of books. Have coffee with them, get to know them a bit, then decide which you want to go steady with and finish.
In any case, this go derailed from my original thought train which was simply: I don't know if I currently have the time to refine my work-stream process, unless I set it as top priority for a while.
Anyhoo: happy Thanksgiving! a wonderfully named and non-denominational holiday. What better theme for a holiday than gratitude! sitting down and listing 5 things you're grateful for and really feeling it, is one of the better ways of increasing happiness in your life. Even just doing it once a week has significant benefits to you're well-being and perceived happiness. Give it a try. You can do two things at once, by saying something you're grateful for, to the person you're grateful to. You feel good, and they get to feel good. That's a gift that doesn't cost anything this holiday season, but has a high likelihood of making someone a little happier.
I'm grateful for all the support, love, and laughter I've received from friends and family over the years. I'm grateful for the guidance and magic that the universe has provided. I'm grateful to have such wonderful friends and family in my life. I'm grateful to have food and shelter and safety in this uncertain world. I'm grateful for all the opportunities I have to serve others, and to continue to learn and grow.
Happy holidays, may the warmth of love from those closest to you surround and nurture you, as you do so for others.
-Isaac
Sunday, November 24, 2019
A job that feels as good as my relationship?
Once again I have two blog posts worth of blogging to do. The weather is quite beautiful right now. I don't mind the cold so much, as long as there's sun. It's the cold and grey that really gets to me.
I keep trying to make Saturday mornings my work time, but I just can't get myself to work Saturday morning, after working so hard all week. I need to call up my montessori mentor and talk with her. I distinctly remember her saying, "if you're teaching montessori and your coming home exhausted every day, you're doing something wrong" which is both discouraging and hopeful. Discouraging because it means I'm doing something wrong, hopeful in that it's possible to teach and not be utterly exhausted at the end of the day.
I feel like this is my one big mid-term goal I'm working on. I've got my long-term goals: become a world class teacher and spark hearts alight. Enlightenment. (I aim high because why not?). But slightly more short short term is this issue of feeling overwhelmed with work, always behind. If my track record says anything, its that I can set a goal for myself, and if I keep working at it, eventually I'll achieve it.
These days, I often think about how wonderful my relationship is, and how that was something I was working on for a long time. What were the factors that made it finally click? I certainly worked on myself a lot, trying to become someone worthy of a really good relationship, but that wasn't enough. I eventually had to extend my work out to setting high expectations for what I wanted in another partner as well, and decide I wasn't going to settle for less than a great dynamic between us.
Perhaps that's the way it works with most things in life: whatever level we set our expectations at, we tend to settle at that level and no higher, because higher would require more time and energy, but often most of what is necessary is just saying 'no' a bit more until something comes along that is a strong enough yes. When you have a clear enough idea about what you want, it becomes easier to say no. Often we just say yes because we think that's the best we can hope to get, and it becomes a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm sure there are things that it is truly unreasonable to expect, but I feel like as long as what you want is kind and respectful to others, there's no harm in wanting the best. Perhaps part of the trick is making sure what you want is actually something that will make you happy. Often we want things that do not actually make us happier. Then even if we do get them, we end up disappointed.
But a relationship full of warmth, respect, friendship, and play is most certainly a genuine source of long-lasting happiness.
I think getting what you want is probably both: setting really high expectations and goals, and then knowing that you're going to have to work really diligently in order to make it happen. And then there does also seem to be an element of magic that can happen too. I think it's true, the universe, God, whatever you call it, helps those who help themselves.
In any case, I'm trying to figure out how to apply that now to job and profession. I like my job, but it's definitely more exhausting than I'd like, and sometimes more discouraging. But I imagine a job that fits as well and is as joyful as the relationship I now have, and think, well, if I could do it in the area of relationships, why not in the area of work? And I think how amazing life would be, if that were the case. I know it's possible, and I've set my sights on it. It may take a few years, but I have faith I will achieve it. It's hard to stop someone who is willing to keep experimenting and trying new things and never gives up. Eventually they're gonna get through.
OK, that's all for... last week. I Feel pretty talked out, so I suspect my second post may be a bit of a cop out 😄
I keep trying to make Saturday mornings my work time, but I just can't get myself to work Saturday morning, after working so hard all week. I need to call up my montessori mentor and talk with her. I distinctly remember her saying, "if you're teaching montessori and your coming home exhausted every day, you're doing something wrong" which is both discouraging and hopeful. Discouraging because it means I'm doing something wrong, hopeful in that it's possible to teach and not be utterly exhausted at the end of the day.
I feel like this is my one big mid-term goal I'm working on. I've got my long-term goals: become a world class teacher and spark hearts alight. Enlightenment. (I aim high because why not?). But slightly more short short term is this issue of feeling overwhelmed with work, always behind. If my track record says anything, its that I can set a goal for myself, and if I keep working at it, eventually I'll achieve it.
These days, I often think about how wonderful my relationship is, and how that was something I was working on for a long time. What were the factors that made it finally click? I certainly worked on myself a lot, trying to become someone worthy of a really good relationship, but that wasn't enough. I eventually had to extend my work out to setting high expectations for what I wanted in another partner as well, and decide I wasn't going to settle for less than a great dynamic between us.
Perhaps that's the way it works with most things in life: whatever level we set our expectations at, we tend to settle at that level and no higher, because higher would require more time and energy, but often most of what is necessary is just saying 'no' a bit more until something comes along that is a strong enough yes. When you have a clear enough idea about what you want, it becomes easier to say no. Often we just say yes because we think that's the best we can hope to get, and it becomes a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm sure there are things that it is truly unreasonable to expect, but I feel like as long as what you want is kind and respectful to others, there's no harm in wanting the best. Perhaps part of the trick is making sure what you want is actually something that will make you happy. Often we want things that do not actually make us happier. Then even if we do get them, we end up disappointed.
But a relationship full of warmth, respect, friendship, and play is most certainly a genuine source of long-lasting happiness.
I think getting what you want is probably both: setting really high expectations and goals, and then knowing that you're going to have to work really diligently in order to make it happen. And then there does also seem to be an element of magic that can happen too. I think it's true, the universe, God, whatever you call it, helps those who help themselves.
In any case, I'm trying to figure out how to apply that now to job and profession. I like my job, but it's definitely more exhausting than I'd like, and sometimes more discouraging. But I imagine a job that fits as well and is as joyful as the relationship I now have, and think, well, if I could do it in the area of relationships, why not in the area of work? And I think how amazing life would be, if that were the case. I know it's possible, and I've set my sights on it. It may take a few years, but I have faith I will achieve it. It's hard to stop someone who is willing to keep experimenting and trying new things and never gives up. Eventually they're gonna get through.
OK, that's all for... last week. I Feel pretty talked out, so I suspect my second post may be a bit of a cop out 😄
Sunday, November 10, 2019
Spacy Sunday
There is something that happens when you stay up really late -- I shouldn't put this on you, mysterious reader -- something that happens to me: I feel like I'm ten feet away from everything, watching. The word 'spacy' probably comes from this experience, because I feel like I'm floating in space, watching the world through my astronaut helmet. Then there's the stomach stuff. My digestion gets all weird, I feel just slightly nauseous and don't' want to eat, but then also worried that the spaciness is from not eating anything.
In any case, Friday night I did that and I'm still feeling a bit of it. There is kind of a lot going on in my life right now, on many levels, but I don't feel confident in my ability to skilfully describe it with proper discretion. I'd say there's too much going on. I only have so much awareness juice and time juice to put into things, and if there are too many things, each glass only gets a few drops. I think I've made this analogy before. Brain fog again. I think I need some time off, and I'm kind of going to get it, soon. come the holiday season, I'll be doing a lot of work, but it will be of a somewhat different nature. Practice teaching in an Elementary classroom. Rather than lead teaching a Primary classroom. And I'll also have some longer breaks. Hopefully I can get some of the built up work done then. It feels like I need the first day of the weekend just to decompress, and then Sunday has to be shared between the class I'm teaching, chores, and a little time for whatever project is on fire and due immediately. It feels cramped. I'm repeating myself a lot. Spaciness. I think I'm getting better at doing stuff? In general? But it's hard to tell, because if so it's happening slowly, and there are ups and downs along the way.
OK, I'm late enough for my next thing that I can stop doing this thing. Have a good week!
-I
In any case, Friday night I did that and I'm still feeling a bit of it. There is kind of a lot going on in my life right now, on many levels, but I don't feel confident in my ability to skilfully describe it with proper discretion. I'd say there's too much going on. I only have so much awareness juice and time juice to put into things, and if there are too many things, each glass only gets a few drops. I think I've made this analogy before. Brain fog again. I think I need some time off, and I'm kind of going to get it, soon. come the holiday season, I'll be doing a lot of work, but it will be of a somewhat different nature. Practice teaching in an Elementary classroom. Rather than lead teaching a Primary classroom. And I'll also have some longer breaks. Hopefully I can get some of the built up work done then. It feels like I need the first day of the weekend just to decompress, and then Sunday has to be shared between the class I'm teaching, chores, and a little time for whatever project is on fire and due immediately. It feels cramped. I'm repeating myself a lot. Spaciness. I think I'm getting better at doing stuff? In general? But it's hard to tell, because if so it's happening slowly, and there are ups and downs along the way.
OK, I'm late enough for my next thing that I can stop doing this thing. Have a good week!
-I
Entirely unproductive. Grit, Naughty Cats, Warren Buffet.
There's an apocryphal story that--if I'm remembering correctly--has Warren Buffet giving his driver or pilot life advice. The pilot/driver wasn't sure what he wanted to do with his life, and Warren said write down a list of the top 25 goals/wishes he'd like to achieve, then pick out the top 5. Then, consciously ignore all the rest. The idea being if you try and do to many things you end up finishing none.
I did that a week ago in hopes of clarifying my goals and got a good start, but did that instead of writing a blog post, apparently, since I am once again writing last weeks post today (as well as today's post) ... But that might have been two weeks ago? Time blurs together. Someone asked me on Monday how Friday went, and all I could come up with was, "I don't remember. I guess fine?" When things reach a certain degree of overwhelm, there are less resources to reckon time with.
Someone earlier this week, who didn't know me that well, implied that they thought I should be able to find 3 hours in my weekend to catch up on an online course I'm taking, and I became a bit indignant. But looking back at my weekend, I guess the fact of the matter is I did have that time. That and time to spare. Saturday was spend in almost entirely unproductive activities. Part of this, perhaps the main part, was that Late late Friday night was spend it entirely unproductive activities (after I got back from games night with friends. Games night I consider highly productive in that it's deeply recharging, giving me play and deep chill time with some of my best friends.)
Me and my girlfriend are having some discipline issues with one of her cats, who has decided getting up on the counter and chowing down on whatever food is there is a great idea, despite frequently being squirted for doing so. But I suppose I can relate. Sometimes, because of patterns, because of the environment, because of who knows what, we find it almost irresistible to do things we know we shouldn't. I've read a lot of science (or, books that synthesize the science into layperson explanations) and it gives you sympathy for how addictive various things in our modern world can be, and how hard it can be to change those habits.
So you do them, and then get spritzed with a water bottle. Or feel bad the next day when you didn't get good sleep. On the plus side I did find a game that scratched my card-game itch. Hearthstone is kind of amazing. There are a million digital card games out there, but somehow Blizzard just does things better than anyone else. There's a certain amount of care that goes into their products. They are really thinking about the person who will be playing, and how to make the experience really fun for them. Whatever the medium, I always respect mastery or great skill. I aspire to have that some day.
There is a book by Cal Newport called, "So Good they Can't Ignore You" where he says beefing up your skills is much more important to job satisfaction than "Following your Passion." The title is taken from a Steve Martin quote, the idea being, just get so good they can't ignore you and you'll never be out of work. I think Martin had a passion for what he was doing as well, but the fact of the matter is there are lots of people with passion for something, but it's those that take the time, persistent effort, sweat and practice to become excellent, that get to do what they love for a living.
I think there is an element of matching job to person, where, if you want to master something, your going to be doing it a lot, so you'd better love practicing doing it for its own sake, or you'll never last. That's Angela Duckworth's book, "Grit" in a nutshell. "Grit" is passion and perseverance. Not the fireworks passion, but the steady burn, welding torch passion that you consciously hone through the ho-hum parts of the journey as well as the exciting bits. Hopefully making much of the ho-hum interesting in it's own right.
At the same time I don't think it's all blood and tears, I think the people who get really good at things, are practicing because they like practicing, even though it's hard and not flashy. That's really where you want to be, I theorize. Deliberate practice (the secret sauce to mastery) is not easy or fast, and so few people do it consistently. So if you can get yourself to be one of the people who does, you get your pick of jobs in your field. It's like the ultimate meta-skill for all skills.
Anyhoo, enough of this week-old post, time to write a quick new one.
I did that a week ago in hopes of clarifying my goals and got a good start, but did that instead of writing a blog post, apparently, since I am once again writing last weeks post today (as well as today's post) ... But that might have been two weeks ago? Time blurs together. Someone asked me on Monday how Friday went, and all I could come up with was, "I don't remember. I guess fine?" When things reach a certain degree of overwhelm, there are less resources to reckon time with.
Someone earlier this week, who didn't know me that well, implied that they thought I should be able to find 3 hours in my weekend to catch up on an online course I'm taking, and I became a bit indignant. But looking back at my weekend, I guess the fact of the matter is I did have that time. That and time to spare. Saturday was spend in almost entirely unproductive activities. Part of this, perhaps the main part, was that Late late Friday night was spend it entirely unproductive activities (after I got back from games night with friends. Games night I consider highly productive in that it's deeply recharging, giving me play and deep chill time with some of my best friends.)
Me and my girlfriend are having some discipline issues with one of her cats, who has decided getting up on the counter and chowing down on whatever food is there is a great idea, despite frequently being squirted for doing so. But I suppose I can relate. Sometimes, because of patterns, because of the environment, because of who knows what, we find it almost irresistible to do things we know we shouldn't. I've read a lot of science (or, books that synthesize the science into layperson explanations) and it gives you sympathy for how addictive various things in our modern world can be, and how hard it can be to change those habits.
So you do them, and then get spritzed with a water bottle. Or feel bad the next day when you didn't get good sleep. On the plus side I did find a game that scratched my card-game itch. Hearthstone is kind of amazing. There are a million digital card games out there, but somehow Blizzard just does things better than anyone else. There's a certain amount of care that goes into their products. They are really thinking about the person who will be playing, and how to make the experience really fun for them. Whatever the medium, I always respect mastery or great skill. I aspire to have that some day.
There is a book by Cal Newport called, "So Good they Can't Ignore You" where he says beefing up your skills is much more important to job satisfaction than "Following your Passion." The title is taken from a Steve Martin quote, the idea being, just get so good they can't ignore you and you'll never be out of work. I think Martin had a passion for what he was doing as well, but the fact of the matter is there are lots of people with passion for something, but it's those that take the time, persistent effort, sweat and practice to become excellent, that get to do what they love for a living.
I think there is an element of matching job to person, where, if you want to master something, your going to be doing it a lot, so you'd better love practicing doing it for its own sake, or you'll never last. That's Angela Duckworth's book, "Grit" in a nutshell. "Grit" is passion and perseverance. Not the fireworks passion, but the steady burn, welding torch passion that you consciously hone through the ho-hum parts of the journey as well as the exciting bits. Hopefully making much of the ho-hum interesting in it's own right.
At the same time I don't think it's all blood and tears, I think the people who get really good at things, are practicing because they like practicing, even though it's hard and not flashy. That's really where you want to be, I theorize. Deliberate practice (the secret sauce to mastery) is not easy or fast, and so few people do it consistently. So if you can get yourself to be one of the people who does, you get your pick of jobs in your field. It's like the ultimate meta-skill for all skills.
Anyhoo, enough of this week-old post, time to write a quick new one.
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