Once again I have two blog posts worth of blogging to do. The weather is quite beautiful right now. I don't mind the cold so much, as long as there's sun. It's the cold and grey that really gets to me.
I keep trying to make Saturday mornings my work time, but I just can't get myself to work Saturday morning, after working so hard all week. I need to call up my montessori mentor and talk with her. I distinctly remember her saying, "if you're teaching montessori and your coming home exhausted every day, you're doing something wrong" which is both discouraging and hopeful. Discouraging because it means I'm doing something wrong, hopeful in that it's possible to teach and not be utterly exhausted at the end of the day.
I feel like this is my one big mid-term goal I'm working on. I've got my long-term goals: become a world class teacher and spark hearts alight. Enlightenment. (I aim high because why not?). But slightly more short short term is this issue of feeling overwhelmed with work, always behind. If my track record says anything, its that I can set a goal for myself, and if I keep working at it, eventually I'll achieve it.
These days, I often think about how wonderful my relationship is, and how that was something I was working on for a long time. What were the factors that made it finally click? I certainly worked on myself a lot, trying to become someone worthy of a really good relationship, but that wasn't enough. I eventually had to extend my work out to setting high expectations for what I wanted in another partner as well, and decide I wasn't going to settle for less than a great dynamic between us.
Perhaps that's the way it works with most things in life: whatever level we set our expectations at, we tend to settle at that level and no higher, because higher would require more time and energy, but often most of what is necessary is just saying 'no' a bit more until something comes along that is a strong enough yes. When you have a clear enough idea about what you want, it becomes easier to say no. Often we just say yes because we think that's the best we can hope to get, and it becomes a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm sure there are things that it is truly unreasonable to expect, but I feel like as long as what you want is kind and respectful to others, there's no harm in wanting the best. Perhaps part of the trick is making sure what you want is actually something that will make you happy. Often we want things that do not actually make us happier. Then even if we do get them, we end up disappointed.
But a relationship full of warmth, respect, friendship, and play is most certainly a genuine source of long-lasting happiness.
I think getting what you want is probably both: setting really high expectations and goals, and then knowing that you're going to have to work really diligently in order to make it happen. And then there does also seem to be an element of magic that can happen too. I think it's true, the universe, God, whatever you call it, helps those who help themselves.
In any case, I'm trying to figure out how to apply that now to job and profession. I like my job, but it's definitely more exhausting than I'd like, and sometimes more discouraging. But I imagine a job that fits as well and is as joyful as the relationship I now have, and think, well, if I could do it in the area of relationships, why not in the area of work? And I think how amazing life would be, if that were the case. I know it's possible, and I've set my sights on it. It may take a few years, but I have faith I will achieve it. It's hard to stop someone who is willing to keep experimenting and trying new things and never gives up. Eventually they're gonna get through.
OK, that's all for... last week. I Feel pretty talked out, so I suspect my second post may be a bit of a cop out 😄
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