Boundary issues, children, chaos, and teacher flashbacks

Waiting for my router to finish updating firmware, so I thought I'd write a little blog post.

My Nephews are in town (wife's side) and it's interesting being with them. I like them and they are generally well behaved and good natured. The young one is still pretty young though, so there is a kind of testing of boundaries. We had a few times recently with a bunch of kids around and there is a certain level of chaos that happens, unless you are constantly on the children. Some of them are pretty good, some a bit more chaotic. But get enough, and at least one is going to create some chaos. That might mean peanut butter smeared absent-mindedly on a wall or some items lost to who-knows-were.

That plus some adult factors gave me a little bit of flash-backs to being a teacher. The subtle tug-of-war I constantly experienced, that was me setting boundaries, and kids pushing them as far as they would go. This is an issue if you are not a great multi-tasker, because it's super easy for a kid to get away with stuff, if you are doing something else and not also paying close attention to them. Especially when they are playing around near the edges of your boundaries, where you need extra awareness and focus. Having gotten out of practice, I feel like I could have handled some of the situations better. So, also flashbacks to some of my feelings of inadequacy as a disciplinarian and classroom manager.

OK, done with the firmware update, time to go to dinner. So time to end this post.

We're having a sleepover with the two older boys this weekend while their parents do a quick trip, so opportunities to play, connect, and maybe do better.

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 OK! it is now a week after my classes ended, and I've got enough breathing room to do a blog or two (or three, or six. we'll see how many I can get it.)

It took that long to take care of all the things that had backed up while I focused on the time sensitive big projects. But now I'm back to current. I have an issue with that though. I've got a nice system that keeps things from slipping through the cracks. No buried emails or upcoming events I failed to put into my calendar. It works pretty well for that. not perfect, but especially for really important things, good enough.

But it takes a pretty hefty amount of time to maintain. It's like the equivalent of middle management. Not actually producing anything of import, just trying to facilitate the actual work getting done. And like with middle management, it has the tendency to get bloated and sluggish, because... I don't know why. Maybe it's a "who watches the watchmen?" thing because nobody is making sure the managers are being efficient. Probably there are some competing incentives.

With me in specific, part of it is just the nature of email, to be full of distractions that are so easy to get distracted by. It's kind of like I'm fighting my genetically programmed tendency to be curious. That was great in the bush, where curiosity could lead to useful discoveries, but when there are effectively infinite interesting rabbit trails to go down via the internet, that tendency would lead to never sticking with any one trail long enough to get an actual rabbit.

I could go the "unsubscribe from everything" rout, an Odysseus contract that makes it easier by changing the environment, but I don't know if that will cause missed opportunities I'll regret. I think the certainty of missed opportunities caused by wasting my time on email may be worth it though. Suzannah recently discovered a place in gmail where you can see all your subscriptions and unsubscribe from any that you want, and I think I will do that right now. I'll probably keep a few, but just the bare minimum.

Hopefully this is not another rabbit trail. (I used to call them rabbit holes, but I think rabbit trails is a bit more accurate. They're not taking me to Wonderland. Just... around.

Kale, busy weeks, hastas

 I like writing, and writing in the informal, off-the-cuff personal style of a blog. Just because I don't have time to do so at length, isn't a good reason to stop altogether. There is something about regularity, ritual, routine, that is soothing, and maintaining some degree of momentum with the rituals and routines you like, seems like a good thing, to me.

This is all to say: it's a super duper busy week, so this will be another short one, but I didn't want to miss posting all together. Among the things that are due are: an article for a small newsletter I was asked to write (due the 10th) my final paper (due the 13th) most of the planning for an in-person retreat I'm doing with some other teachers from the volunteer program I do on the weekends (tomorrow, Tuesday) and saving the documents for my previous semester class, before it becomes unavailable (due by the 13th). Those are the main ones, but there are others, some just general life admin and maintenance stuff, some other kinds of commitments, like the trip up to Des Moines with my wife to drop her at the airport (and go see some theater while we're there to make it a fun outing.)

The Hasta's are blooming, something I've never before been aware enough to track, day by day, watching the long stems emerge from the close to the ground leaves and slowly bud and flower. Also, some day lillies by the shed are finally blooming, and a burdock is getting huge nearby, leaves bigger than dinner plates.

Yesterday I picked a bunch of kale from the garden and sauteed it up for lunch. The garden is starting to really produce, and it's fun to be eating from it (though again, something that takes time when I have little).

It will all work out, though it may mean spending less time on each of the individual tasks than I would like, doing less of my normal maintenance things than usual, and not doing as much as I can get away with, aside from the essential.

What do I do, when I'm unhappy? Do I hide it, thus isolating myself, but "shielding" those who read this from the fact that I am unhappy? Or do I share, in the spirit of honesty, authenticity, and openness, thus connecting more deeply with you, but potentially making you experience negative emotions as a result? I generally lean towards authenticity, but it is true that what we read or otherwise consume has a subtle but profound effect on our feelings and behaviors. Not sure how to resolve that connundrum at the moment.

With love and wishes for your own flourishing,

-Isaac