Filtering Fish, Motivation, and letting go

 OK! I am caught up on paperwork for work. Now I can focus again on the other stuff I put on the back-burner to get that done, such as taxes...

On a positive note: for  several months (a year?) I've been keeping a "curiosity/motivation" journal. I wanted to improve my motivation, feed my curiosity, so I had the engine I needed to put in the hard work required for mastery. And you know what? I feel like I got there. I'm highly motivated currently. I think the main thing that did it was actually starting to practice as a therapist. I love my work, and it lights me up, and it kind of feels like that being lit up bleeds over into my whole life. That is fantastic, and deserves a celebration.

I am now onto a new thing (because there's always a next thing) and that is what I've been calling my FILTERING project. After a cute CBT style short story for kids about "filtering fish." My message is different than the one in the story, which is about not thinking only about the negative in a situation and assuming the worst. My filtering is about prioritization, mainly. I call it filtering, because to prioritize feels like a task by task thing, while my issue often happens within tasks. I'm doing the right task, but I get sidetracked in the middle, or spend to long on a specific portion of it, and that part shouldn't get done, or shouldn't have that much time spent on it.

Some of that relies on my ability to focus, and stay focused, not getting pulled off by distractions.

But another part of it is my ability to let go. We all have the desire to complete things we start, and I have a desire to do things well, if I'm doing them at all. The ability to let go of something, even if I've already started it, is important, and the ability to realize something does not require my full maximum effort/time input, and let it get done just to the level necessary, is connected to this ability to let go. I can get focus locked on something I'm working on, partially this is my mind fooling me into staying focused on it for  long periods, without coming up for air, because 'it's gonna take a long time so I need to get it done as quickly as possible' which means not taking breaks. BUT, I think there's also a part of me that realizes, in these situations, that if I do take a break to clear my mind and get some perspective, I'll realize it's not a good idea to keep working on it, and I'll stop, and Isaac in the moment wants to finish it, so in order to sneakily get myself to not stop myself, I just don't let myself have that space to think, and keep working on it till it's done. Then I come up for air and realize 'what the heck did I just spend 3 hours on?' but by then it's too lake.

So again, a part of that is letting go. Being willing to let go of what I'm focusing on, being willing to be wrong, and stop working on it. Being willing to at least pause and check in if it's really what I feel like I should be doing.

I've always been slow. Slow and careful and thoughtful. Though paradoxically, some of my most enjoyable moments and days have been when I've been quick and spontaneous and creative and not at all careful. Doing improv, writing and creating quickly, without editing or worrying about quality. I have kind of taken that type of activity away from myself, over the last many years, and I'd really, really like to give it back to myself. That's a bit of a digression, though an important and related one.

The point I was making was I'm slow, and careful, and get things done slowly, which means I can't do as great a quantity of things as other people, and thus it behooves me even more than the average person, to be very thoughtful and careful with my time and attention. Prioritizing well is even more important.

And ultimately, one of the best ways to do that is very simple: just take a break frequently, a real break, let my mind relax and expand, preferably in nature, and then ask myself from that wiser place, what the best next thing to do is (and how to go about doing it, sometimes what to do is obvious, but how to do it is often more nuanced and hard to get right. I'm thinking about the Bhagavad-Gita advice about renunciation of the fruits of action and Karma Yoga in general.)

OK! That's this weeks post.

With love, and wishing you all good, dear friend or family <3

-IO

Dr. Crunch

10:30 pm before my work week starts up again. Tried unsuccessfully to get caught up with paperwork. Caught up somewhat? but not fully, and now the next week comes, to bury me further. This seems unsustainable. Not sure what to do about it yet, but writing a long blog post is not it. At least I'm not falling behind on this, though I'm sure it's not as interesting as usual. Suzannah is away for the week on a buisness trip. My schedule is off. In the same way that having someone watch you work tends to make you more focused, having someone else at homes tends to make me stick to a better routine. (unless we're staying up late playing games together :D)

Hello again my old friend time crunch.

Busy doing paperwork catch-up

Hi! I'm extremely busy. Doing paperwork, and papers, all weekend. Still working on it. Still love what I'm doing, but it's really a lot, and I'm catching up on stuff that is backlogged, so unfortunately, that's all I've got time for, this post. Behind on a lot of stuff, and it feels like more keeps getting shoveled on, faster than I can shovel it off. Even as I deprioritize non-essential stuff for some unknown future time. I feel like I should give some concrete details... It might blizzard here in Iowa. There are some fruit tree branches that our neighbor suggested we put in a vase, and they are indeed blooming now, which is very pretty. I'm worried the warm weather and now hard freeze, is going to kill all the fruit tree buds, but hopefully they haven't opened enough to be vulnerable. We will see. OK, that's something, now I'm back out and back to work.

Hope things are less hectic on your end. All good to you,

-Isaac

Excessive Paperwork. Filtering Fish. Learning to Drive.

 It is Monday night, which is basically the end of my long weekend. The first two days of my weekend were straight up writing documentation or other time sensitive stuff. I did that right into the night, not moving very much, till my wife came into the living room which was pitch black because I hadn't gotten up from my seat on the couch from when it was light out. I'm doing a lot of work. There is a lot of work to do. It's feeling a bit excessive. I'm super into my work as a counselor, and so I at least for now have the energy for it via my enthusiasm, but I think it's a bit much to be sustainable.

and here I am, almost 9, and there are just so so many more things on my list I wanted to get done this weekend. As always, I wish for more time.

I'm thinking about filtering. I think I often do more than is necessary, because I don't have a good filter that lets me discard unimportant things. I just take whatever is in front of me, and do it as though it's important, trying to do a good job on it. There are many times when it would be better to go "eh, I think that's good enough." And leave it at that, or even "you know what, this is taking too long, it's not worth the time." Or even, "I think this isn't worth doing at all, for now."

Deciding, or figuring out, which things are the ones that should get filtered out, quickly and without a lot of energy expended, is a weak point for me, and so I'm putting some attention on it, because I would like to get better at it. Spending 4 hours per set of intake paperwork is excessive. Even one hour per normal paperwork per client, seems excessive, and absolutely unsustainable, when I have a normal client load.

Some of this is made more difficult though, because there is so much that I am still learning. I remember reading somewhere, one of the things experienced therapists do better than newbies, is filter out the important stuff that gets said in session, from the unimportant. The new therapists think everything is equally important, and so are overwhelmed and often the important stuff gets missed, because they can't pick it out from the rest. I certainly feel that way about what I'm writing in the after-session paperwork. But also with all the little things I have to keep track of. It's like learning to drive: at first, there is way too much to keep track of at once. Eventually, most of it becomes automatic. Until then, it feels pretty nerve wracking and you're always cutting people off in traffic because you didn't check your mirror or put on your turn signal because you were just trying to stay in your lane.

It seems like a skill wholly or mostly separate from doing counseling. I would still want to take notes even if nothing was required for insurance, but they would be a lot different, and take a lot less time. Perhaps there is some use in the structured format they are in. But the amount of time I'm putting in, is more than the use I'm getting out of it. Still working to find the balance of that.

Gotta go now. still need to do dishes before I go to bed. Still very enthusiastic and positive about my internship, but also feeling a bit overwhelmed. Probably a normal feeling.

OK, that's all for this week. Hooray for not falling behind on this.

Oh, P.S. the filtering fish reference in the intro is just a CBT story for kids I heard. That filter was about only seeing negative stuff (or not, and seeing the positive as well) but just the idea of filtering stuck with me, though my filtering is of a totally different nature.