I'm on an honesty kick at the moment.
Not honesty as you might traditionally think of it, saying exactly what you think at any time. Though I'm leaning a little bit more towards that, but mainly as a side effect. The main honesty I'm focusing on is self honestly. How am I feeling? Does what I'm doing feel good? Right? What do I really want?
I'm doing the best I can to get rid of any dishonesty I have with myself. Telling myself things are good when they're not, or bad when they're fine. There is often a difference between how we think we're supposed to feel, and how we do feel. What we're supposed to want, and what we actually want.
And being honest with myself feels good. It feels kind. Not that I'm particularly self deceptive out of everyone in the world, but we all are, to some degree or another. It's often a way of avoiding discomfort, when our truth would have us doing something scary or with potentially unpleasant repercussions. But it's a trade-off. In exchange for more comfort in the short term, we get a sense of shallowness in the long term. Like the volume has been turned down on our life.
Death is a great teacher. And when I think about my own mortality, and the uncertainty of when it will happen, I want the depth that being truthful with myself brings. Looking back at life on one's deathbed, it seems that is the choice that will let one leave this world more content.
Um... practical details. Slowly building up a good framework for myself. Accountability buddies like my writing buddy, and soon a life coach buddy. And some teachers and mentors to help point me where I need to go to get better at the things I'm primarily working on: writing and life coaching. Might have a part time writing job! More on that if the "might" turns into a "do."
That's all for this week, dear friends. I think of many of you with love, often. (I don't know how many because I don't know who all reads this.)
-I
We're reading. :)
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