I'm not sure I so much write "shorter" posts, as simply less polished ones. Less pictures, less things covered, less thought into what is most interesting in my life, and more of a straight-up stream of consciousness (edited slightly since this is directly linked with me and possibly subject to potential employer's google searches, though that's very definitely not who it's for. Perhaps they won't see it if I make a separate Facebook page for my professional profile.)
I got my Nadi leaf read! It's a longer story, for now, to quickly sum up my impressions... well, certainly nothing definitive, one way or another. But possible both ways. It really comes down to, do I believe this person, telling me that my name and my parent's name are written in these leaves? I myself and pretty skeptical, but until I learn whatever language the leaf is written in and demand to see the page that supposedly has my name, I'll never know. The best I can do is basically use my life to determine its accuracy. There are plenty of definitive statements about my future, and I just have to write them down, along with the years, and then, at the appropriate time, retrospect and see how accurate it was. But if you were hoping for something definitive and miraculous, I'm afraid you will leave the story disappointed. While everything seemed fairly accurate or plausible, unlike many of my non-nadi-leaf Jyotish readings, (which I've come to accept as totally unreliable for any kind of useful predictive information.) I am well aware that in the process of going through the leaves, by the final time I was just fed up with the process, and started giving him more than a yes/no response, and then, surprise surprise, he came up with my leaf very quickly.
I'd be disappointed, but I've been disappointed so much on this ill-fated quest that I'm over it. I'm just glad to be done with the 5:30 am sessions of being delayed for hours and then going through a bunch of leaves and not finding anything. On the other hand, it's not impossible that it is the real deal. I continue to maintain both perspectives and nothing has happened to definitively collapse the probability wave. There were several accurate things that I did not mention to him at all. A few of which were personal and not something he could have found out even with some kind of identity information snooping service. As I said, I'll let the predictions vindicate or damn the reading, as well as my more careful analysis of the predictions etc. (I didn't record it, as I promised the universe I wouldn't, but he recorded it for me.) but I certainly won't be making my life decisions based off of it. Until and unless I become much more satisfied as to its predictive accuracy. I'm still about at a coin toss as to which I think it is, just because I don't really have much concrete to modify it one way or the other.
And it's not like I need proof that miracles exist. I've gone on that quest and, after long searching, been satisfied to the highest degree, even from the part of me that is sharp, skeptical, rational, and vehemently opposed to blind faith and believing things just because I want them to be true.
In other news, I'm quite happy with my personal development at the moment. I think I would call this: "being balanced in imbalance."
You see, I'm moved out of my old apartment, but not staying long at my parents. My stuff is exploded all over the place, I'm constantly having to move boxes and my workspace around for various reasons, I've currently got a whole bunch of important things due in the next two to three days, and I'm working on my teaching, including all the parts I'm least comfortable with, like calling up parents and enforcing discipline.
In order to do this well, I need extreme powers of focus to not be constantly distracted, and the willpower or grace to decide to do the things that are most important, and not do them for too long either, as I have a tendency to spend longer than necessary on them, due to my perfectionist streak. And to let go of the less important things for the time being, though they itch at the back of my mind.
It's terribly challenging, and I'm not particularly good at it, but what I'm pleased with is my new and improved approach, which is to fail often and with abandon. And to leave the day in the past, when it's done, and start over, give it my best effort again, the next day, and the next. Or even the next hour, and the next. This is SO much more efficient and fast as a way of learning. Previously it would be a cycle of try, fail, pout for a good long while, then finally try again, succeed a bit, then fail, pout for even longer. Try again, fail again, give up. Let a bunch of time pass, try again... you get the idea. Now it's just try-fail-try-fail-try-succeed a bit-try-fail-try-succeed a bit more-try... All over a few days rather than months and years. It's much much better.
I learned at some point vaugly recently that when you scan the brain of a procrastinator procrastinating, that is, avoiding doing something they need to do, the pain centers are all lit up. But as soon as they actually start doing the thing they were procrastinating about, the pain centers stop firing. This is exactly how it works, subjectively, though for some crazy reason we keep forgetting that fact. The pain is in the putting it off. If you don't want to feel bad, then just do it. No, just start doing it. We think the pain is just a faint shadow of how painful it will be when we actually do the thing, but that's not the case. Even when it really is bad, it's still better, because after the discomfort of, say, an unpleasant conversation, then it's done. Over.
I've been reading and thinking about another related phenomena, in regards to stressful situations, apparently, how you interpret the stressful situation can result in it being healthy for the body, or deeply unhealthy. If you are met with a challenging situation, like, say, you need to give a presentation in front of a group of people, and you start feeling your heart beat quicker and the energy start to buzz, you can take the perspective (I don't thing this generally happens consciously) "Oh no, this is horrible, I want to hide, this is going to be awful, I'm gonna fail, I just want to run away and hide." OR "Alright, I can feel myself getting excited about this challenge, ramping itself up to make sure I can give it my all. Bring It On!"
The first way leads to unhealthy responses that age your body prematurely. The latter lead to general health and well-being, and additional energy and motivation.
I just glanced at this research today, so I could be missing some of the finer nuances. The point being, and all of this just to say, I am more and more turning towards the intimidating things that I have to do standing between me and my dreams and goals, and saying "BRING IT ON!" And it is a glorious thing to do. I wish I'd known to start sooner. So much wasted time, but then, the past is past. I'm learning to let it go and just ask what I can be doing, now, that will make my life and time well spent, now. I should be very clear: I'm failing all. the. time. with this stuff. I'm not good at it yet, at all. But I'm learning quickly, and every time I slip and fall, I quickly get back up and go back at it.
Leap into it,
-Isaac
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