I find myself, ready for bed, feeling reflective, with the sun setting outside my bedroom window. It's only 8:22, so I likely can't fall asleep quite yet, and even if I could, the wanderer cat is still out wandering and hasn't come back yet for supper. It's Saturday night, and I'm feeling good about the day. I worked hard and with focus. I took breaks regularly, so as not to burn out, but the breaks were just different kinds of work. I took a nap around 3 pm, because I thought it would be effective in making me more productive for the rest of the evening, and meditated, for the same reason. I had a number one priority, which I worked on for most of my time, and got perhaps two thirds of it done. Once that's finished, which will be tomorrow unless an emergency comes up, there will be many smaller tasks, but only one big piece of homework left, which I can get started on and get a better idea of how long it's going to take, and then plan everything else around that.
It feels good, deciding what I need to do, and then doing it. It feels good, being my own boss and thus being able to work in the way that's most efficient for me. It feels good, getting things done. It feels good, only being mildly sick. There were numerous other things vying for my time, very useful and good things, but it was very clear where I needed to spend my time, so I could, without deep regret, not do them. I love simplicity.
Tomorrow or the next day, my girlfriend will get back, and I'll be able to focus even more on my work, since I'll be relieved of cat duty and such things. It was a beautiful day, and I had frequent chances to spend moments looking outside and enjoying it. And even a little bit of time outside, watering the garden (after covering myself in bug protection from the ravenes swarms of bloodsucking gnats)
I feel calm and grounded. Not because I've got everything under control. I still have no idea if it's even possible to finish everything I have to do. But I'm at least doing the best I can, and I have clear courses of action, if I can't finish things. I've got a list, and I'm working through it. That's all I can ask for.
Next week's post, I'll be in San Diego, if all things go as expected.
Ah, now the final cat is back. I'm finishing up this post as it's eating it's dinner. Something about all this-- the routine of dinner, the lazy summer light and warm evening, the satisfied feeling of a good day's work-- it's very relaxing. It feels like home, somehow. Very comfortable and nice.
And a call from my girlfriend, who's gonna get back tomorrow and have some time to cuddle and have dinner before bed. A good day.
--
It's now Monday, as I get back to this. Sunday was a bit frantic. I finished my final of three paper type things in the morning (boo-ya) and then it was time to survey the damage of just how much time it would take to do my biggest chunk of homework. The document, un-filled out, was already about 56 pages long, and after listing all the different assignments, it was about 45 different small assignments, each one, I thought, taking about a half-hour to an hour. I started to sweat, and then buckled down and got to work. Thankfully, the time-range was better than I had remembered, some things were done in as few as 10 minutes, though others took an hour and a half. I resigned myself to working every available moment up to the time I had to leave, and still maybe not getting it done.
Today, Monday, felt a lot better. I was making reasonable progress, making me thing that it was at least possible, if I kept up my break-neck rate, to do it in time, just barely. But I was going to be doing a 3 day cross-country drive, already exhausted, and have no time to catch my breath before class started the very next day.
Then, around 6 pm today, I realized, (after double and triple checking it) that I had a full 14 less assignments than I thought I had. That's the only reason I'm writing this now. Suddenly, I had actual time. I could leave on my planned day, rather than the last minute, and have a day to settle-in and allow for something unforeseen on the trip over. I had actual time to pack up my stuff. I could do a few things besides my homework over the next few days. It was a euphoric feeling.
Don't get me wrong, I'm still going to be working all day every day, but it is no longer the desperate, getting angry at every delay, no time to relax, constant push for speed that I find so stressful. Now it's just the level of busyness that keeps me focused and on my toes, without the panicked stress of "how the heck am I possibly going to get this all done."
I like having work-mates: someone who's just working on their own thing in the same room. It keeps me focused and happy, and I've discovered that my girlfriends cats do a good job of that. Also, my training as a disciplinarian of children seems to somewhat transfer to the cats. I think I'm a better cat disciplinarian, because of that experience.
I haven't mentioned this yet, but reflecting on all I've learned over the year, I think I've gotten to a place where I can discipline without it being personal, either for me or for the kids. It's a much less stressful way of doing things. It doesn't feel like I'm fighting their wills. I'm just laying down the law and enforcing it, and they know it's not a personal grievance or vendetta when I do that. I don't get angry, they don't feel attacked. I'm not tense and contracted trying to force something, they don't feel personally repressed by me. It feels a lot healthier in every way that what I started out with, or the other side when I was trying to be disciplinarian but it did feel personal and I was actually getting angry.
I think theres still lots further to go and much more to learn, but I'm really happy with what I managed to learn, this year.
OK, the end for this week. Next week in San Diego!
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