Big News

Ok, so I just finished spell checking the post for two weeks ago, this next one is for last Sunday.

And I'm writing it on new years day. It has been quite a year. I think perhaps the biggest news is something... something that this blog was made for. I write posts weekly (though lately it's been two posts every two weeks. Perhaps a symptom of not having a lot of large chunks of time for secondary pursuits.) but really this blog is to keep friends and family updated on what's going on in my life. The big sea changes that happen to all of us bit by bit. But there's not something big like that every single week. Most weeks, there is the less hit-you-over-the-head, more subtle things going on: the areas of my life I'm working on improving, the things I'm learning, the things I'm pondering. But this week, there's none of that little stuff (actually, there's lots, there's always lots. but there's no time to talk about it.)

I got engaged. I asked, in my own sweet, silly, spiritual, thoughtful way, and she said yes. It wasn't a surprise for either of us, we'd been talking about it for a while, I'd actually made several plans for occasions to ask her (which she guessed at right off the bat. We're pretty transparent to each other 😅) but it never ended up working out. But it happened just when it should. It was Christmas Eve (also a night of Hanukkah, if you want a Jewish angle on it) I'd love to go into all the details, but it also seems kind of private. Those details feel like sweet little secrets, that perhaps I'll reveal bits of, when I talk about it with friends and family in person. I don't think it was like a traditional engagement is supposed to look, if your writing a commercial. But it was really good, for us. It reflected us, our dynamic, what we care about, how we are with each other.

I suppose I should give a name at this point. I asked her if it was ok and she said yes, and she's certainly telling people as well. The mystery girl, who is probably not a mystery for 90% of you, is Suzannah Schindler.

I'm so grateful for this relationship. I didn't think it was possible for a relationship to be as good as this one feels. I thought that was total fantasy. But it keeps being that good, over and over. Being with her feels easy and comfortable like being with a best friend. She loves doing things that I also think are fun. And we have fun doing them together. We deeply appreciate each other and let the other person know that. When tension builds, we have a 'keep'n it real' session, and just being open and honest with each other turns emotional distance into deeper intimacy and appreciation. And she makes me a better person. Happier, more playful, harder working, more focused. My heart is softer and more full of love. I make better choices. I've said she's like salt or sugar, she makes anything I'm doing, better.

And stuff comes up, as it does in any relationship, but we are both considerate of the other person, even when triggered, and we are both willing to put in the work, to make the relationship work, to keep it growing and fresh. To work on ourselves, when there's something not working. I have such admiration for her, in many ways, but that way often stands out especially bright. Nothing is certain in life, I know, but I feel like we've got everything we need, to create something wonderful that will last, and continue to grow, for a lifetime.

I feel so blessed, over and over in my life. I've been given so much, continue to be given so much. What can one do, when faced with such overflowing giving coming from Source, from God? When given so much, it feels odd to be asking for even more, but one more thing stands out in my mind, driven by the gratitude:

please, help me give something worthwhile, to others. Love and gratitude have been poured into me, and now the cup is running over. The natural impulse of a heart full of love is one thing: love more. How can I share this grace, this light, with others? Not specifically being engaged, or even in a romantic relationship. Just, love, and light, and grace. In any form. The form almost doesn't matter, in specific. It's the current of love, that matters. It seeks to express itself. It seeks to share.

And I know all to well, there will be more up's and downs, times when I'm exhausted and not feeling the love like I am now. I want to know how to stay in that grateful flow, even when the hard times abound. Because the abundance and love are there even then, and it seems like the least I can do, for all I've been given, is not to stop being grateful for too long, when things look a little cloudy. Considering how much I have been given, I should be bowed down on the ground 24-7 in overwhelmed surrender gratefulness. If I'm spending some of that time up, walking around with a sour face, how am I ever going to meet my gratefulness quota? ;-)

With gratitude to you, my friends and family, and gratitude to God, to the High Consciousness common to us all, for everything that I've been given. May I be able to reflect back to the universe all that I've been given, and treat it with proper reverence and joy and respect.

Happy New Year! This one's gonna be a big one for me  ^_^