Labor Day weekend! I must say I am quite looking forward to it. Something about that saddens me a little bit. To look forward to the weekend, rather than be excited about the week. It's something I thought about more when I was younger. I think it's epitomized in the Thoreau quote, (from memory, so perhaps slightly misquoted) "most people lead lives of quiet desperation"
What are you living for? As a kid and young adult in college, thinking about such things, and highly critical of the world, I looked at most people's lives: work to pay the bills, looking forward to vacation, play during your time off to try and recuperate from exhaustion, spend a few weeks every year enjoying intimate time with your friends and family. Eventually die, leaving not much of a mark one way or the other in the world, nor having grown much yourself.
The idea terrified me. I believe in an immortal soul that is eventually going to achieve union with Godhead, so death, at least day to day when it's far away, doesn't seem so terrifying. But stagnation does. To live and die with no meaning, nothing to show for your life beyond basic survival and comfort, is frightening to me. Perhaps especially so, since it seems so likely, since it happens to so many. I was terrified, but had no concrete plan for how to avoid it, just the desire to do so.
And I am now... 33, 34? Deeply into the middle of my life. I have goals, big things that I'd like to be accomplishing, but so do many people. How much action am I actually taking to achieve them? I see now, I understand how easy it is to fall into complacency. If you don't make hard choices and take hard actions, if you just let things drift as they may, then I can see how you can end up drifting into that standard, ultimately low-meaning lifestyle. Like flotsam from a river drifting into stagnant pools where they get stuck, slowly swirling around, never getting further downstream.
I often use my death as a perspective-giving tool: I look at my current life, imagining I'm spectating it from my deathbed, at the end of the inevitable results of my current actions. It's a good barometer for my actions. If doing that makes me feel uncomfortable, then I know I need to change things. If I feel satisfied from my deathbed, then I know I'm on the right track.
Because I'm regular about checking in on myself like that, it's hard to drift too far off course. Yet, it's still easy to slowly drift. Even when my goals are clear, I can find myself shying away from the harder work, the sacrifices of time and energy and self that will lead to a more fulfilling life, to a satisfied deathbed. Why? Right now, I feel like the biggest reason is lack of energy. It's hard to push out of the comfort zone, when your tired. And yet, energy is somewhat subjective. You can feel exhausted working on a boring task, and then as soon as it's time to play, become energized to keep playing till late into the night. Goals and visions are activated, or activate you, when they are given juice, made real for you, imminent. This can happen many ways. But the ways I can think of all involve getting your emotions into play. Your goal or vision must light you up, inspire you. Or you must visualize it in a way that activates your emotions.
I've learned how to do this but fallen out of practice. I think I need to climb back up into practice. At different points in my life I would take some time every day to connect with my goals and visions, and it was very helpful in directing and motivating my actions. But I've been busy and tired and the change of just about everything has disrupted my routines that were so helpful in keeping me linked to these practices. And my earlier work time coupled with waking up later means I have less time for these practices (at least if I want to do them in the morning, which is what my habit is).
It feels kind of pernicious, the workaday structure that leaves you without any time or energy to reflect and think about the bigger picture, to connect to your vision. But perhaps it's unfair to blame someone or something else. If you want something bad enough, you make time for it. You rarely really 'don't have enough time,' you just have chosen to do other things with your time.
Anyhoo, I'm going to go journal and pray or meditate or whatever seems useful to reconnect with my vision and goals now, and set up some index cards by my shrine so I can remind myself of them in the morning.
May all those that wish it, find and be connected to the goals and values that matter most to you, and take dynamic action towards them.
Warmth and encouragement towards living a life you feel good about,
Isaac
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