I saw a quarter cut out of the last donut at work and thought "you cowards."
(In a joking way.)
The "who will eat the last piece" game always struck me as strange. You want the last piece, but you feel guilty taking it. However, if it's the second to last piece, you don't feel guilty. Why? Then again, perhaps it is a shrewd move: if someone else wanted the last piece, now they can't blame you for taking it, as long as there's a little bit left. Perhaps this isn't cowardice but keen social calculation. Hmm...
Today, finally, I have some time to do some unpacking and organizing. And of course, in the process of doing that, I am discovering all the missing things that I'd been searching for fruitlessly.
I used to get deeply frustrated at not being able to find things. Some would say, "Isaac, you're room is a mess, of course you can't find things." But often I would know exactly where I had put something, or one of the 4 locations it might be, and find it quite easily. It was when I didn't put it in an obvious spot, that it really frustrated me. Or when someone else moved it, likely in an attempt to try and help me live in less squalor. To want something, know you have it, and spend an hour looking for it unsuccessfully is to know impotent rage. I used to say I had a very unusual and difficult skill: I could hide things from myself really well. This is harder than it looks: one has to, without consciously realizing it, find a place so unlikely for something to be that no sane person would think to look there, then place that something there, then forget where you placed it, within 5-10 seconds. If you tired to do this intentionally, it would be close to impossible. I thought of it as my (useless) superpower.
I have since set up a pristine system, where like is all stored with like, and it is a matter of mere minutes to get any little item I might need, or know quickly if I am running low on it, or simply do not have it. It is the opposite feeling, to want something and know exactly where it is. I feel like a calm and effective machine, like an arrow speeding towards my destination. Things don't get misplaced because there is always a place for everything.
The move unexpectedly gave me another experience of order that opened up new possibilities to me: before I had unpacked anything, I set up my desk, and it was empty and facing a window. It was beautiful. The clean emptiness was so lovely and inviting, I realized what I'd been missing all these years, with my functional but cluttered desk.
I think I've mentioned this before, but having an extra, empty room to play with affords me a great luxury in experimentation: I can stash all my unneeded and infrequently needed stuff, outside my work space, where it can't clutter the area I'm working in.
In addition, I can play a little game, where I store things against one wall, and then, if I end up using them, move them somewhere else. This can help me find out what I actually use and what I do not. Though I've already done the konmari method with my stuff so there's never a huge amount I'm getting rid of at this point, when I go through my stuff.
In any case, I'm super happy to have a three day weekend, to catch up on stuff. And I've decided I want a very simple, pared down working space. I'd... theorized about this, before. As I daydreamed about my ideal office/workspace it was always a very minimalist room, with a large, nearby room for storage. I can confirm now that I do really like having that. It's not operational yet, but it's part of my plans.
Work continues apace. There is the work I'm paid for, the volunteer work, the work of moving into a new place, getting unpacked, organized, the work of learning the ropes of a new job, and the work of day to day living, keeping the chaos at bay. And making sure I recharge, and put attention and energy into my relationship. It's a lot, but I'm doing better than last week, especially with the extra day. I'm still working on finding the proper balance, and it still seems to me that involves getting really good at focusing on truly important tasks and ignoring those that are not, so I can also be resting and having enough leisure that I'm not exhausted and dour.
So far I've rebalanced my the work/rest ratio so I'm not tired and irritable, but that puts me back to getting very little done, outside of my work hours. Still figuring out how to effectively do the second half, focusing mainly on the high priority tasks and not getting sidetracked by unimportant stuff. I think I'm improving at it, from having my attention on it, but it still needs more work.
OK, that's all for this week, on to the next thing.
-I out
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