OK, we’re at Monday again, except it’s Tuesday, because I got a three day weekend, thank you boss and indigenous people (I’m definitely a fan of that version over Columbus Day, given what I’ve read about the true history of Columbus.)
Anyhoo, hooray for 3 day weekends. It’s interesting to be thinking about what I want to do after my 3 year contract is up. I still don’t know how I’m going to feel at the end of it. Though I can predict where I’ll be if I continue my current trajectory, maybe. I’ll have learned some more about classroom management, but not everything. It will be easier, but still not natural.
I don’t enjoy being in a classroom that’s not settled and respectful like my mentor’s classroom is. It’s draining, exhausting. Which means, once she’s not there, either I need to be able to do that, or I need to know I’ll get there in a reasonable amount of time.
Trying to learn (via practice, of course, no other way) how to be good at classroom management is very difficult for me, in a way that… few? No? Other things have been. I’m not naturally good at it, so it involves a lot of failure. It also is not part of a structured curriculum, so I need to learn it on my own, setting my own goals, looking for my own feedback and mostly creating my own curriculum. And that is in addition to having a very demanding more than full time job. Which means there is very little time to actually actively focus on learning the skill. It’s why I daydream about making a teacher training school that actually works. Because I would really like to have that, for myself. Whether I actually want to make a school like that… unknown.
It seems the main way you find out what kind of work you like and are a good fit with, is by trying things out. It’s very hard to accurately predict that, you need the experience.
Anyways, as I try to glean info for future directions, I’m left with only a few clear things: 1) I don’t want to work as long on teaching. A 10 hour day is too long. 8 hours may be fine.
2) unless we make some really good friends here, I’m don’t think I want to stay in Austin. Friends are important to me. I miss them. Suzannah misses them even more.
Other things that are not as certain but I’m getting clearer on: I do really enjoy teaching people. That is deeply satisfying. I don’t really enjoy disciplining people. But I do want to work with people who are disciplined. That seems unfair to make others do that work though. Perhaps that is the price to pay. I also want to be more creative, and have time for deep focused work. That can’t happen if the whole day I have to keep an eye on some children.
OK, that’s all for today. Love to family and friends,
-I
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