Getting Close (finally!). Houses.

 Maybe it was just the weekend talking, but it now feels like it is actually getting close to the end. Meaning it doesn’t inspire feelings of overwhelm to think about how far away the end is. Basically, 5 weeks until the final 3 day weekend, and then just one or two more weeks after that. That’s just the victory lap, I think, so this five weeks is the final stretch. I’m pushing hard, but not to exhaustion, helping input record keeping stuff, prepping and soon teaching the final 2 EHV lessons I need for certification, and wrapping up the SSE classes I volunteer teach on the weekends. Frankly, all of that should be over after the SSE Graduation Ceremony, in two weeks. So for the next three after that, I’ll have less that I’m doing after work, though work may be a bit more of a heavy lift, since it will be parent teacher conferences, so I’ll probably have a bunch of days where I’m running both classrooms. Maybe not? Perhaps I’ll get a sub to help out, but that usually only prevents the most egregious things from happening.

Also, the house hunt just started heating up. We got our first real contender, that caused us to pause and waffle back and forth for a while. It had really good location and land, and the house was nice. But the house was not ideal. Too small, too little light, and not really our style. It was hard to say no, but we have time, ultimately, so we can hold out for something where there’s no hesitation on it. It might mean we’re living in our old Fairfield house for a while though, which will feel a bit tight after the room we’ve had. Ironic then that we’re looking for even more room, but there you have it. 

Also, now that I’m finally really thinking about houses, I’m also starting to collect my list, of what I want, and don’t want. I think I’ve got a pretty clear list actually, and so the idea of building, which a few people have mentioned, is percolating as well, if we can’t find something that’s already there. The big questions with that are: is it going to be way more expensive than buying, because of the material shortages, and can we find land that hasn’t been built on, that’s in a location we want (in or near town)?

It’s fun to daydream about an ideal house. Even a realistic one.

OK, gotta go!

Take care,

-Isaac

Checkpoint 2

 Checkpoint 2

In order to break things down into manegable pieces, I broke up the entire second semester into what I thought were do-able pieces. From one break to another, even if it was just a three day weekend. I counted down, rather than up, so once I get to checkpoint 0, I will have crossed the finish line. This weekend was checkpoint 2, and the longest stretch of them all.

I was thinking, once I got here, that I could start thinking about the actual end of things, since it seemed like not that much time. However, being here now, I think I will maintain my weekly time horizon focus. Two months is still too much to think about, still an overwhelming thought. But on Friday nights and Saturdays, I can think about it. However, during the week I need my focus laser-like to make sure I’m doing a reasonable job at work. Teaching, at least for me, is a bit like an Olympic training regime. I need to be at the top of my game to put in the work required. A bad nights sleep or something distracting me emotionally, will train-wreck my performance.

There are lots of jobs where this is not the case. Where you can just ‘phone it in.’ Come in to work with a hangover, and not be worried about anything important going wrong. This is a blessing and a curse. The blessing part is obvious: you can relax. You’re tired and not functioning well, no biggie. The curse is that when not much is asked of you, not much is delivered. It’s the same reason science says it’s better to set goals that are doable, but a stretch for you to accomplish. The stretch mobilizes you to give it your best, to do more than you otherwise would. When your goals are too easy, it does not feel as satisfying, as you are not giving the world, your life, all that you have to give it.

There are different problems with jobs. Many jobs feel meaningless, or even detrimental to others. Many jobs are boring, or feel micromanaged to the point where you don’t have any autonomy. Teaching is never boring, and only occasionally micromanaged. And it generally feels like you are doing something important. The problem with teaching is in other categories. It demands so much of you, that it’s easy to get burnt out, or overwhelmed. And the importance is a double-edged blade, because when you are a new teacher and feel like you are not doing a good job, it feels like yes, your job matters, and unfortunately the difference you are making is a negative one, rather than a positive, which might feel even worse than making no difference at all. You are working three times as hard, to make less of a difference than people who are doing nothing at all. Doesn’t seem like a good trade.

Though probably there are people who get it and love it and are making a positive difference even from the get go. Just wasn’t me. Maybe now I’m making a positive difference, overall, with some things still negative, and many close to neutral. However, still burning me out, though perhaps a bit less so.

I’m still very busy. I’m mainly focusing on finishing the things I need to do for completion of my EHV certification (which has to do with teaching good values and such, and is indeed a passion of mine) since those are things that will be much easier to do, while teaching, since I’ve got a captive audience and don’t have to go looking for one. Those are pretty much my two or three main goals, for the rest of the year:

1) keep doing a good job at work. Give it my all, don’t get senioritis.

2) finish the EHV certification.

3) keep my head above water with basic life admin stuff.

That’s it. I figure, keep it simple and focused, I can worry about other stuff once I’m done with the job. Though I do have some trips and stuff where I have to do things ahead of time, like buying plane tickets, but I’m just grouping that in with life admin.

Time to go!

-I Out

Spring Awakening

 Spring Awakening

I think there was a play by that name. I don’t recall any of the specifics, but I think it was supposed to be kind of weird. Didn’t see it myself, just heard about it.

In any case, last night, I took a walk around the block, and was floored by the gentle beauty of the spring sunset. A strong but warm breeze, all the new leafs just starting to grow out, a colored sky, and a sense of peace. I was just allowing myself to take time to enjoy, and it opened something in me that had been shut down a bit. The ability to enjoy and love doing things. I felt like I got back in touch with that a bit. It was nice. It reminded me that there were, are, things that I love to do. That give me deep satisfaction.

Ultimately, I’d like a job where I’m doing something I love, that uses my gifts to be of best service to the world. I think that’s what I was trying to do, being a teacher, as I thought that was the most important job for the world, perhaps tied with being a parent. But then, just recently, I came to the conclusion that being a teacher is not a good fit for everyone, and didn’t seem like it was a good fit for me. At least a traditional teacher. I do like teaching, but there are a lot of other things I’m really not a fan of, that are required to be your standard classroom teacher. I have deep respect for the people who can do this, but I don’t think I’m a great fit for that position. So I need to get a clear sense of what the things are that I do love to do, so I can then triangulate how I can get paid to do those things, and how I can do those things in a way that utilizes my unique gifts to best effect in serving the world. The first step of that, I think, is getting clear on what I love to do. So it’s nice to see that getting started.

On the other hand, I’ve just been confronted with the truisms of “happiness isn’t doing what you like, but liking what you do.” And the idea that no external things will bring you lasting happiness. However, as I like to come back to, the example of my relationship, and my friendships in general, are a clear counterpoint. They very simply make my life better. Maybe not every second, but on the whole. And nearly everything is at worst a net neutral, while the vast majority is a plus. I think having a job I like is a similar category. I think it will make my general experience significantly better. I can’t rely on it for lasting happiness, but it’s ok to ask for and get.

I suppose the point to remember is that ultimately the game that’s going to get me the most important things is the internal game, the spiritual journey, which can happen no matter the outer circumstances.

OK, that’s all the time I have, bye for this week!

-I Out

A short one. (Two minutes)

 Only about… two minutes for this weeks post.

Still trying to get to the rest of my tax stuff and EHV certification stuff.

The one week at a time is working. I can make it, at this rate and via this method.

There is a lot to do. Time time time. Soon there will be more of it, and I will be in ecstasy.

OK, that’s my two minutes. Bye for now.

-Isaac