uninspired. dissonant. undeterred.

 I've got 3 blogs to do, and I'm planning on doing them all in quick succession. Expect shorter posts, this blog will cover three weeks ago.

It's hard to remember that far back, I guess my last blog was before school started up again.

Bad news: the professor I signed up for, backed out of teaching my section. The teacher who I ended up with, I do not like. I think they are my least favorite professor thus far with the program, and I already had two professors I was feeling ambivalent about last semester. At least I had one professor I really liked. This semester I have one professor I actively dislike. Not that I dislike them as a person, they seem like a fine human being, it's just a mixture of subtle things that amounts to a nails on chalkboard dissonance being with them. Like the opposite of when you really resonate with someone, "vibe" with them. They feel a bit too intense, they present as a stickler for the rules, plus unforgiving, and they have a salesman like vibe to what they are saying, veering from the objective truth to make what they like seem better and what they don't like seem worse. Perhaps it is just me and some people would really resonate with them. In any case, I'm disappointed and feel powerless. I didn't choose this professor, the professor I chose (who, from talking to other students who still have them, would have been a great fit for me) was taken away from me with no say on my part, and I was foisted onto this one.

There's another professor I have who seems kind of... not phoning it in, that's too strong of a description, but kind of in that direction. She is doing what is required of her, competently and conscientiously, but she doesn't seem enthusiastic about it. That's fine, I don't have any complaints about that, but neither am I inspired.

I considred if I could switch to the other program I looked at, but it is a cohort model, so I don't know if I could jump in part way through, and there's no guarantee that the professors would be better, though it seems likely, due to how they run the program. In this program I kind of feel like a second class citizen, getting the teachers who are left after the best teachers go to the in-person classes.

On the other hand, I don't think the program really makes good counselors, I think that happens after school, when you're in the field. Like with teaching and teachers. So really I just want to get through the program so I can get on to doing the real work required to get good at counseling. This is a whole rant about the ineffectiveness of schooling programs in general, not specific to my school. The bottom line is that to get good at most things, you gotta do a bunch of work on your own and have a good mentor. So I'm trying not to worry too much about my professors.

On the other hand again, I've had a few professors and teachers who have changed my life. Seeking those out is totally worthwhile. Though even so, to become truly excellent at something, it's all about you and the hard work you put in.

OK, post 1, done, 2 to go.