Trust in Guidence

I went to New York and did an acting conservatory for two years, even though I did not have the intention of becoming an actor. I had plenty of logical reasons. I'd enjoyed acting, as a hobby. I loved improvisational dance, and if acting was as joy producing as that then I'd be happy to do that as a job, and there were some distinct similarities. I knew the particular teacher I was going to was a master teacher, and even if I just continued on my path, more towards writing and such, I would learn the discipline, industriousness, and courage to be both financially successful and artistically successful.

But when it came right down to it, I simply had that surety. The unmistakable feeling that this was the right next step for me. I only rarely got that level of clarity. Moving to Iowa to go to the spiritually oriented high school, in the spiritually oriented community, was one such time. It only seemed to occur when it was a big decision, one that would change the course of my life, potentially in a very positive way. It has always proven right. When I follow that voice, it leads me to wonderful, incredible growth. Always. So I've learned to trust it implicitly. Especially when it's very clear and strong. And it was. So I went.

And, as always, it was a very good thing. In ways I could never have logically guessed at. For instance, here I sit, half a year after graduating, with the dawning realization that part of what I love to do is teach, particularly with a spiritual bent. I'm designing a lesson plan for Saturday (with lots of help from more seasoned teachers) and I realize, the feeling of anxious excitement, that could easily bleed over to tension, if I let it tip into worry, is almost identical to how I felt in school, preparing a scene or monologue. And I'm reminded of what one of my best friends said, how teaching gives her much of the things she loved about acting. And I see now, even more, ever more, how each step feeds into the next. All this training I got... it is perfect for teaching. The storytelling, the meticulous eye on preparation, even how to handle stage fright.

It has been years. So many years of picking up pieces of a giant jigsaw. Some few got put together, but mostly I was just collecting them, getting more and more confused as more jumble was added to the table. But finally, the puzzle is starting to come together. The edge pieces are all found. Some of the picture is there, and I'm starting to get an idea for what it is. And that is making the assembling happen faster and easier. It is a good feeling, a relieved feeling, and I can do nothing but feel gratitude and yet more trust in that deep inner voice that has been leading me with breadcrumbs all these years.

-I Out