Lexiholism

I have a writing problem.

Heres the problem:

I write.


I know this may not sound like a problem. And in fact you are correct, it's kinda ok. But it's also kind of like having a drinking problem. Once I get started, I can't stop myself. I can't just "have one drink." I can't just "write a quick blog/post/email/journal entry." I'm wondering if what we call professional writers are actually kind of the equivalent of alcoholics who've found a way to get paid to drink. Writing is kind of an unhealthy process. To complete a book, writers are locked away, mentally degrading, for months, sometimes years, neglecting food, family, exercise, hunched over a computer/typewriter/paper/clay tablet, scratching out our mad rantings as if the letters were firey brands inside us that we were trying to get out before the burned us to death.

When I write, there is some creature inside a cage inside me, that is scrabbling and gnawing at the bars and yowling, trying to get out, and it won't stop until I've gotten it out or exhausted myself to the point where I don't care about the barking anymore.


I just had a champion afternoon. A champion day. I got up at 4:45 without an alarm, despite going to bed at like 10 the night before (which looks like it's going to happen again tonight.) I did my spiritual workout, physical workout, etc, I did my work, focused throughout the day, took 15 minutes for a walk in the forest and a half hour for dinner, and worked through the evening. This was a...14 hour work day, I think. I'm pumped, I'm ready to do it again. But...

But the only reward I'm getting for working like a dog, is that tomorrow, I can do it again. The reward for the work is just more of the work. This is ok when the work is worthwhile. But some of this work is utter bull-ninny. Some of what I've done benefits no one, and merely uses up my precious precious time here, alive and on earth.

If my reward for being a productivity samurai is just more work, then it must be work worthy of a samurai. Only then is it a reward. Otherwise it's a punishment.

Also, I need to find balance. This routine, though fun, is not maintainable. Rest is important. And enjoyable.