Not that short, actually. Beings of pure energy. The 94 year old grouch.

This is going to be a short one. I think. And perhaps a bit worse-spelled than usual, since I don’t currently have easy internet access, so I’m writing it on TextEdit. Oh how I love simplicity.

Anyhoo. The vacation has begun in earnest. One truly remarkable thing has happened, and the rest is par for the course. I’m currently writing this from the study of my sister's house in Maryland, which I’m visiting for the first time. Luckily, the kids were gone when I and my parents arrived, so I was able to nap unmolested my small inquisitive creatures composed of pure energy. And now I even have a few moments to try and write a blog post. I doubt I’ll have much free-time over the next two days, as I’ll be spending them with either adult or larval relatives, or in hypersleep after a full day of uncle-ing.

And then I’m flying on Monday, so if I want to get it done by the weekend, now’s the time.

Enjoying the sweet anticipation of being reunited with some of my oldest and dearest friends, back in the ‘field.

So, the remarkable thing: vacation has started, and I have not yet gone into complete functional shut-down. normally at this point all I would want to do is hide away in my room on my computer until hunger or fire forced me away from my cave of solitude and mindless entertainment, completely drained of the willpower to so much as answer a work-related email unless it had the immediate urgency of putting out a fire that was consuming all the hair on my head.

But no, I’m ready to go. I’ve given myself permission to take the time I’m traveling off from work, but if I find myself with free-time, I actually look forward to using it to get some of the classwork done and out of my mind. I’m entering this break not totally exhausted.

Why? HOW? What can I do to repeat and continue this new development? I’m trying to reflect and mine all the possible variables that might be responsible for this change.

Perhaps how I’ve decided to stop working around 7 pm and give myself wind-down and social time, giving myself a hard-stop to when I have to be on and working. Perhaps how I’ve been keeping myself connected weekly with friends who recharge me socially, making that an iron-clad self-care habit. Perhaps it’s how I’ve been really working the growth mindset angle that I’d mentioned earlier, and that makes even things that I’m bad at, much less anxiety-producing and exhausting. Perhaps how I’ve started applying some mental contrasting/WOOP to activate my “necessity to act.” Perhaps it is the secret sauce that comes from focusing on keeping divinity/spirit/God in my awareness, with love, striving to listen and scrupulously follow the voice of my conscience, and committing to that endeavor 100%. That above all is my best guess at what lead me to experience the truly miraculous in my life, and seems to be the main ingredient in the secret sauce of Grace.

Perhaps I”ve said the word “perhaps” too many times in that sentence. But these are all just potential answers. I’ll have to experiment further to find the elements that are making the biggest difference.

In any case, it’s HUGE. I’m pretty pessimistic, and in fact I often self-describe myself as a cynical grouchy 94-year-old man. I’m more likely to understate than over-state. But this shift is really big. It is a phase shift. The difference between mostly being anxious and afraid and not doing the things that make my life meaningful, and being excited and relaxed and happy and doing those things with relative gracefulness.

The old man must add: we will see how long and how reproducible this thing is. It could all fall apart in twenty minutes. But I have seen and experienced a new possibility, and so I can at least set a course for being in this mode more regularly, even if it is fleeting.

My current hypothesis is it is mostly caused by really working and practicing the growth mindset, and the attitude of surrender and dedication (and therefore also transfer of responsibility) of my actions. And the general mix of the huge amount of high-quality self-improvement and spiritual literature I’ve been not just consuming, but digesting and integrating. Well, my rate of integration could still be higher, but it’s above zero, and that's the most important step.


In other news, I’ve all but decided that my next move is going to be back to FF. Though decided is a bit of a strong word. It was the answer that keeps coming up when I ask, in the silence of my own heart.

OK! Next time I write I’ll probably be back from my travels and super tired from traveling.


Take care, keep on flying, and don’t give up on your dreams. Just try some new strategies, if your current plan of attack isn’t working.