Bad days, Failure, and how to be a productive depressed person

This was the weekend of fail.

So I went hard-core moving mode. I got a surprising amount of other work done as well, but eventually, come Friday and Saturday, I was just straight up moving all the live long day. By the end I was totally moved out of my apartment, but I was EXHAUSTED. Not just physically, though I was certainly achy after all that moving, but mentally as well. I suspect it was decision fatigue. This is one of the tricky things that I forget because I don't move often enough to keep it in mind: packing up your stuff is one job, difficult enough, but also sorting it into "box of stuff I'm going to use immediately after moving" and "similar stuff" and "fits efficiently into a box" are all additional mental processes, and when I have a huge volume of stuff to do this with, it becomes prohibitively time intensive. At some point I finally saw sense and just got a lot of boxes and a U-haul van and threw whatever random stuff would kind-of fit into whatever box was handy. Even then, in as much of an "easy mode" as could exist, it was extreamly time cosuming and mentally costly. Though I was so excited about getting it done that I had pleanty of energy during the actual move.

But come Sunday, I was tired. And in the process of trying not to dawdle, I did the job of the stereotypical bad mover and banged my own stuff around. I've said again and again that whenever I start rushing, bad things immediately happen. Well, it's still true. Thank God just in small ways, that then reminded me to slow the heck down, but then I would forget and start speeding up again. I'm just grateful I ended up using some lashing straps to lift heavy things and thus save my back. That's a really handy trick I discovered, though it does end up taking more time. Also the utility... what are they called... utility dollies are worth their weight in gold, if you can actually use them (which you can only really do if you're moving boxes across flat ground. as soon as you have to go up and down more than a few stairs they are more work than help.) Especially combined with lashing straps.

Then on Sunday my values and character class didn't go very well though I was just co-teacher, and I got really depressed when the senior teacher visited the class and then informed me that the two students who had said their video cameras weren't working, were lying. Now, I have a thing about lying, so in addition to me feeling like poop as a teacher, since obviously I was failing them as a teacher of good values, it was like a knife in my heart, as it always is whenever someone I care about deceives me. I don't know where that came from, I can't remember any particularly scarring incidents like Santa-Gate, but it's there.

Then, sitting in my room, having trouble even mustering the energy to get up and brush my teeth, I succumbed to surfing the internet and staying up late, as is most likely to happen when my defenses are down, I'm sad and/or exhausted, and my willpower is sapped. So then I felt bad about that the next morning.

Then, finally, as I was setting up a workspace in the basement so I had room to think and have all the stuff out that I needed to do my work, I tipped over the beautiful wooden table top I am inordinately fond of (and dented during the move as well, facepalm) onto my air purifier, another item I'm ordinantly fond of, in that it deserves my fondness, being a lifesaver for someone like me who is really sensitive to bad air. it fell over and is apparently broken. It wont turn back on. And it was expensive too. I don't mind spending money on good things that I actually use all the time, and this was one of those things. But I do care very much about not wasting money, so the fact that my own absent-mindedness because I was not going slow and being careful in the first place just cost me a big chunk of money and likely a lot of time figuring out how to send it in to get repaired, if I even can do that... well, I just had to stop and take a walk outside for a bit.

I've gotten a lot better about not talking angrily and hurtfully to myself, but by then it was starting to come out again, and I had to remind myself that I would not stand for that kind of verbal abuse from myself, so can it.

And yet, Sunday night, I had a phone call with the seasoned teacher, who gave me some pointers on what to do in the coming week and next class, to deal with the technical-difficulty-fakers. She was sweet, put me at ease, and was herself easy and relaxed. But I cannot imagine she does less than three times the work I do. So how can I possibly complain about anything, in the face of that? She never says a peep negatively. For me to do so would be shameful. Ridiculous. Like a kid tearfully complaining about a hot finger from a lit match to an adult who's listening to the kid with a kind peaceful expression and caring concern while their own house is burning down in front of them and their arm is wrapped from shoulder to finger in bandages.

So, anyways, here's what's on my mind: playing a bad game well, and the difference between productive depressed people and unproductive depressed people.

Playing a good bad game: this is from sports, but applies to all of life: suppose you're playing a game of golf. And you hit a bad shot. And then another, and then a third. You could then start ruminating (if you didn't already by the first shot) and condemning yourself and worrying, or throw up your club and forfeit then and there, or blame the wind or the clubs on the noisy neighbors who kept you up the night before.

OR

You can let all that go, focus on the next shot, the set of actions you need to take checklist style to prepare for the shot, the relaxation exercises or self-care things you need to do to get yourself back into the game, and play the best bad game of golf that you can.

When you're having a bad day, a bad "game", you can do the same thing. You can lament your fate, curse the gods who are toying with you, find someone else to blame, and give up entirely on all the things you're working on. Bing Netflix, eat a pint of ice-cream, stay up till all hours, avoid doing any work, and generally sit in a puddle of self-loathing.

Or you can think about what the fundamental things are that you do for yourself that make your days good. Excercise, time with loved ones, progress towards goals, walks in nature, going to bed early, etc. And you can double down on those things like your life depends on it, struggling even harder to do them, because you know you need them now more than ever.

There was a scientific study done on college students who struggled with depression. All of these students had issues depression, but some of them still managed to be highly productive people. The difference was these two different mindsets. These two approaches to "bad days." One approach was to give up on all the other good habits and just give in to the lower instincts. Give up on willpower and self-control, and self-care habits. The other mindset was to think, "uh-oh, I'm having a bad day. Now I really need to focus on not missing my daily run. (or whatever their most important self-care habits were) And it's going to be twice as hard to muster the willpower to get myself to do it, so I need to gird my loins and get ready to give it an extra push for a little bit"

The second mindset were the productive depressed people, and also got over their bouts of depression sooner. Not instantaneously, but sooner.

These mindsets are like habits of thought, they can absolutely be trained and retrained. I'm doing that to myself right now, as I think, "Ok, having a bad day or two, that means I have to be extra careful to do my morning routine, and make progress on important projects, and watch out for negative self-talk and rumination."

It's harder to do that, from this mucky feeling place. But it's also more important. I think our lives are made rich much more by the choices we make in those mucky moments than when everything is blue skies. Success is better built by marathons, not sprints, and when you backslide for a week every time you have a bad day, you lose momentum. Better to go slowly (as I have to keep reminding myself) but continually. Then progress becomes a habit, and then it becomes easy. And then it's like compounding interest. If you just do an intense spurt of exercise for two weeks every year in January, it's not going to make up for the rest of the year. But if you create a regular habit of going for a walk ten minutes every day, you will receive marked benefits. And likely you will slowly add to that time. (I'm using that as an analogy for whatever habits of thought or deed are most beneficial for you.)

Whenever you are undertaking big challenges like these, it's important to remember the appropriate mixture of optimism and pessimism for optimal results: you don't want to think it's going to be easy. That leads to less effort and giving up sooner. Believe it's going to be hard. Know it's gonna be really tough at times. Maybe a lot of times. But do believe you can do it. Believe in yourself, in your own strength and skill and ability to achieve great things, given a serious and prolonged input of effort. If you don't believe in yourself, in your ability to achieve it at all, of course, you're going to de-motivate yourself, and then create an unhappy self-fulfilling prophecy.

So, once more into the breach!


Another benefit of this philosophy: bad days are no longer something to be afraid of. Failure is no longer something to worry about. I know I'll have bad days, and I know what to do when I do. And I know that will not only be "good enough," but will actually be pretty awesome.


Peace!
-IO

Time! Flying, organizing, and maximizing. Also: packing and colonics. Not at the same time.

Whoah! It's already Monday! I want to head back to my apartment soon, so I'm going to try to do a quick one. (I don't know if that actually reduces the size of the post at all. It's conceivable to me that it may in fact increase the length. Team of editors and fact checkers, let's get on those pie charts! Hm, they have informed me, that, since they are just my spider-plants, and not capable of complex thoughts or manual manipulation, doing that is not part of their contract.)

Anyhoo:

-Packing! I'm moving out of my apartment by February 1st. I just did a mini-load in my mom's Prius, and am now taking my dad's station-wagon style car back. What I'm really excited about is, once it's all back at home, I will finally have basically all my stuff (except for a bunch of books back at my Aunt's in Iowa) in one place and can do a much more thorough Konmari method cleansing. Which is a lot like a colon cleanse, but for your living quarters, and much less damaging. (Colonics are apparently really bad for you. Reference: Adam Ruins Everything:

(skip to around two minutes in to get to the part specifically about colon cleanses))

-Writing! I'm writing papers and finishing projects as quickly as I can (which is somewhat limited by my desire to do a good job, but the further along it gets time-wise, the more I just want to be done with it. So far, two down, and... probably around six to go. But I'm averaging around one per day and a half, so it shouldn't take too long once I can sit down and write them. Though there is a tug-of-war between finishing my projects and moving out.

Which brings me to:
Time-managing! This is germane to many things: one, in my online character values class, we're currently focusing on time-management, so I'm thinking about it and practicing it from that. Two, I'm reviewing my own methods of time management and reflecting on what has been working, what has not, and how to re-structure things so it will work better for me and get used more. Three, I'm reviewing lots and lots of good information on time management and productivity. For example:

Parkinsons Law. This is a fabulous little rule that says, 'The time it takes to complete a task will expand to fill the time you allow for it.'

Now, there are limits to this, but in general, when we really have to, we get a LOT more done when we simply have to do it by x time, which is coming up really soon. That looming deadline focuses one wonderfully, (where's that other quote? Ah, here: "when a man knows he is to be hanged in a fortnight, it concentrates his mind wonderfully") And so it pays to, as much as you can, set tight limits on how long you can take to complete tasks. My personal favorite way of doing this is to make it into a game. I set the time limit as a challenge to myself. If I don't make it, it's ok, I'm not going to stress out about it, but my friendly self-competition can help keep me from wasting time on perfectionism and pointless sidetracking, enforcing the 80-20 rule (another of the ideas I keep running into) which basically reminds us that most of the results of what we do depends on just a small portion of all the things we do, and it would behoove us to focus as much as we can on that 20% of what we do that's responsible for 80% of the results, and ignore as much as possible the 80% of our efforts that lead to only 20% of the results.

Obviously there are situations where this doesn't work; use your common sense, take only as directed, consult your physician if swelling or redness occurs.

Much of this stuff I get from a guy who does a really good job aggregating and summarizing this info, Brian Johnson. I'm not getting any kind of kickback from mentioning him here, but if you're interested in this stuff, there is lots and lots more of it at his website. I myself have a subscription because I found it so useful, though there is plenty of free stuff there to look at. Website link here.

OK, that was pretty efficient time-wise. Hah! I guess I just used Parkinson's law?


Take care, dear friends and family ^_^
-IO

Travel hijinx and much needed sleep

Written while waiting for my flight from Houston to Austin

I love travel because it gives one a chance to experience novel, unpleasant things, which make for good stories, because other people’s suffering is funny, as long as it’s not serious. “A clown falls into a manhole and dies” is comedy as long as it’s a made up story, and “my weekend listening to ready player one and trying not to projectile vomit (again)” is also comedy, as long as I don’t die at the end of it. Though if I did, and it was because I literally vomited to death, there would be a certain inappropriate, dark, Monty-python-esk hilarity to it.

In any case, I have nothing as major as that, thankfully, but I’ll give you what I got.

Houston is a big airport. I wonder if it’s a Texas thing. I’m told they like big things. I haven’t verified this for myself, but the airport would be one check mark in that category. So when I say I wandered through the C terminal looking for food in the two hours until my flight left, understand I was activly walking for at least a full 50 minutes.

I got off at C39, which is right at the very end of one terminal, and the screens told me I was aaaaaall the way down at C1, so I thought I’d walk all the way down, looking for restaurants along the way, and then perhaps backtrack to the best one.

I ended up at Panda Express, partly because a Airlines Pilot made a B-line there, and I figured it was a good idea to follow the regulars

(Skipping around a bit, because I had to stop writing: flight boarding)
I hope I never loose my childlike wonder. I hope I never become so jaded that I don’t want the window seat in the airplane. I hope I never stop striking up fascinating conversations with friendly strangers.

As I look out the plan window, the sun was just glazing the horizon a faint orange to blue, as planes that looked like moving stars traversed the space between upper and lower cloud floors extending as far as I could see. Below me, a phospho-luminescent mold of colorful city-lights glimmer like glowing jewels or stardust.  An organism I’ve mentioned befor, but this time, there was a blanked of soft fluffy clouds right above it, diaphanous, allowing peeps of the shimmering ecosystem below, and also lighting from the lights below in a soft glow camera obscura a soft halo seeming to surround the islands of light, and in the distance, flowing patches of clouds, like the glows from flashes of concealed lightning, but frozen in time, always on. What wonder this life is, this world.

Further going’s on: the Panda Express. I think the two Chinese lady’s running the shop thought me and the man in front of me were doing a comedy routine on them. We were a study in opposites. He was bombastic, an athletic, tall, black, social young man, with beautiful long hair that made him seem even bigger. “yeah that… no, not to much, I’m not greedy, just a bit… and that.. And then some of that. And then just a little bit of that” (“Sir, we can’t do just a little bit, it’s by portion, it’s an extra 1.25” “yeah, ok, yeah that.”) He kept up a constant stream of chat as he went down the line. I was short, white bread and mayo nays, and so quiet I had to repeat the brief words I did say. “The noodles and veggies.” “Do you want those as whole portions or half portions?” “Huh?” “Do you… oh, never mind.”

When we finally got to the end of the line, he went to the further register, so I went to the nearby one, but the people had actually been motioning each of us to the opposite registers. I caught a barely contained smile exchanged between the two, and realized a) I was at the wrong register and b) they were going to have a good laugh telling this story after we were gone, there was probably even more to it that I was not aware of. In any case, we ended up handing credit cards and recipients across each other, to the register the other was in front of, and then leaving.

But the adventure doesn’t stop there.
I discovered, to my growing horror and fascination (the two emotions are sometimes so close together.) that some… most really, of my vegetables, were encrusted in a translucent jelly substance. What could it be? I noticed it because a few pieces of broccoli were so encrusted that they looked like they had been dipped in could, colorless jam. It was… fine, I guess. It didn’t tast like much of anything (of courseI had to try it! Mysterious vegetable jelly? Was it some kind of super-tasty sauce that was so good even the fact that it looked gross wasn’t enough to deter people from coming back for more? Or was it some kid of …. Side effect of sitting under a heating dish for too long?)

I tried to scrape it off and eat around.

But it was a really good price for a meal! I think I ate a half-portioned meal or something, because there was nothing that cheep on the menu. Perhaps I was supposed to get something with meet, and they felt bad that I didn’t get anything but vegetable jelly.

In any case, I then went to my gate, only to find that it had been moved, not just back in the completely opposite direction, but, as I discovered upon finally arriving, to the exact gate I had arrived at.

But I was not bitter. No, I had just finished listening to a book on tape called “no sweat” which was all about finding “Opportunities to Move” or OTM’s, in everyday life. Like parking further away from the super market on purpose so you can get some walking in, or traveling around the airport rather than just sitting by your gate. So I prefer it this way. But man, if I wasn’t a very congenial guy, or if I didn’t have so much time, I could have gotten pretty angry. That was probably a good 25 minute walk back.

I switched arms on how I carried the roll-on, so I could work-out both sides. And because my arms started falling asleep if I pulled it with one arm for too long.

I offered a stranger who was sitting next to me at the gate the use of my phone charger, for which he was grateful but declined. And once on the plane, I started up a brief conversation with a lady sitting next to me, but got the distinct sense that she didn’t want to talk to anyone. But then she had to move because she was sitting in the wrong spot, and I got to talk to a Tech consultant who had just gotten the new iPhone X and was happy to talk about it and show me how cool it was. And also a bit about the great school district he lives in, and how he is a reformed Mac user (since somewhat recently. That his, he finally tried a Mac computer and was super impressed and switched to all Mac stuff. And his wife is an educator too! How nice, to meet a stranger and find you have much in common. You don’t have to ever meet again, but for a few minutes, you can sit together and share the excitement of a cool gadget.


It’s now Sunday night. I’m leaving tomorrow.

OK, that’s all. I’ve got a big day tomorrow. Wow. I’m typing this on my iPad, and it is wigging out on me. So much for “it just works.” The page is jumping up and down so it’s distracting and hard to type because half the time it’s not even showing what I’m typing.

Anyhoo, the school I visited was super inspiring, and in general it’s been an educational visit.

Good night all. :-)
-Isaac

Vomiting, Inconceivable Benevolence, Miracles

Has anyone else imagined, while putting a comforter cover on, that the cover was some kind of giant, baggy, sea-creature swallowing another, seemingly bigger, blobby, sea-cucumber-like creature? The smaller, baggy creature unhinges its mouth like a python eating a huge pig, and incomprehensibly fits the whole comforter into its mouth, with a lot of slow swallowing and readjusting, bloating to slightly bigger than the size of the giant white sea cucumber. Are there sea creatures like that?

You haven't imagined that before? Maybe I just have a particularly cool comforter cover.

It's even more crazy than the python. It's more like the python swallows another python that's five times as wide as it is, and just about as long. Makes me think of this video, (but both creatures are the size of a twin bed and rectangular):

Nature is so cool! 

But I feel sad for the earthworm. 

I love earthworms. I think they are adorable.

So, this last week has contained one of the most amazing and life-changing series of events of my life. No hyperbole. (I can't say "literally" anymore because it now officially also means "emphatically." Congratulations people, you have literally just destroyed the original meaning of a word by using it wrong often enough. Our language is doomed. You maniacs! You blew it up! (This clip is amazing by the way, in case you haven't seen the original Planet of the Apes. It fits in so many situations. Also, I'm not actually upset. I think it's funny.)

In any case, I don't feel up to the task or feel like sharing the details with a wide-ranging audience. Suffice to say my budding search for a romantic partner is decisively over, exclamation point, full stop, fireworks, prostration on the ground in overwhelming awe and gratitude of the incomprehensible generosity and magic of the universe. No further applicants need apply.

And just about as magically and well as in that movie. (The dog's a good metaphor too: there are no other applicants. I'm really mentioning this so that all the friends and family I told to keep an eye out for eligible bachelorettes can call off the hounds)

For rizzle, I've said it before and I'll likely say it again, because it is my direct experience and it's so hugely important. Miracles are possible, God is real and holds the universe easily in his open hand, and can literally do anything, right now, if he/she decided to, from creating matter to appearing in a familiar form to give counsel to creating or dissolving the universe. This is not metaphor. This is "literally" before it meant two opposite things. 

He/she is not capricious, not childish, not vindictive. He (I'll just settle on my familiar pronoun for flow's sake but you're welcome to substitute she or it or he/she or any other pronoun as you prefer) is immeasurable, unconditioned, always-on love. He hears you. So if you're not getting what you ask for, there's a good reason.

If you want to tap into the very real magic of the universe, suggestions from my experience are: 

Recipie for miracles:

#1!: Dharma, dharma, dharma. (For the non-Indiophile: Dharma roughly translates to right action, or right conduct.) Simply put, decide, no matter what, from here on out, to do everything you can to always do what is right. 

What does that mean? In simple (but not easy) terms: we all have a quiet voice within us, your conscience. It lets you know what feels right and what feels wrong. Listen to it. 

Warning: it's quiet, and there are other parts of our mind that talk over it, or even cover its mouth and speak in a poor imitation accent. If you're not sure you're hearing the voice correctly, do nothing, get somewhere quiet, meditate or pray or something like that to connect with your Higher Power or the High Consciousness or however you conceive of it. Get really honest with yourself, ask, be quiet, and wait patiently and listen.

And remember you have to discard all the outside dogmas that have been heaped upon you throughout your life, when you do this. Those muddy the waters. This is the voice that comes from inside, not outside. 

I think it's possible this strategy won't work if you're having a psychotic break or other serious mental imbalances. Or if you want a specific answer more than you want to know the truth. That's the "get really honest with yourself" bit.

But usually you don't have to go to all that trouble, it's pretty clear what your conscience is saying unless you've been ignoring it for a while, or you're really attached to/afraid of something.

#2... no, that's really it. Listen to your conscience and act on it. With determination. Not just when it's easy.

Also love, I suppose. That's the other part of it. If your life is selfish, full of hate, or envy, or egotism... that's wallowing in darkness, like a dog rolling in its own poop. The magic of the universe is light, and you have to choose one or the other. Really that all should be taken care of through dharma, listening to your conscience. But in practice remembering the importance of love keeps dharma from becoming a cold dead shell of dharma, without the warm living heart. Love is the heart of goodness, of Truth, of God, and if you try to access any of them without it, you risk going astray of the real deal. Unconditional love is your compass. If what you are doing is making you love less, you're going in the wrong direction, my friend. Of that I am sure.

Let me be clear about "Love." The thing that I'm calling love is not sexual attraction. It's not the attachment and desire that leads to hatred and jealousy when not given the object of desire. It's not even the giddy rushing river of joyful excitement when two lovers first get together, though there is a thread of it in that, an echo. 

No, it is an ever-fixed mark that looks on tempests and is never shaken. It is the intuitive recognition that you and I are one. It is the appreciation and joy and gratitude of seeing that energy of the Ultimat in some form, something, someone. It is that energy that just wants to give of itself, by its very nature, with no thought of return, of selfish motive. It is the fundamental energy of life that caused the cosmos to burst forth into existence because it wanted, wants, to give its love to something, to create something beautiful, to celebrate.

Be happy, my dear child. Please, be happy. That is all I want for you. From you. Your happiness. That is what love is saying. What God is saying.

and #3: Ask for it. Prayer. Prayer is da bomb. Get quiet, connect to God (or whatever you want to call her) and from your heart, ask for what you want. Simply, honestly, deeply. AND, wait and listen, (and ask, if you need to) for what you need to DO, to receive it. Sometimes you're gonna hear things you don't like; "be patient," or "that's not really a good thing for you," or, "you've got a lot of work to do, for that." But if you stick to it, keep asking what you need to do next, and you do it... miracles will happen. Eventually.

I don't know if there's anything in the universe that can't be done with enough patience and persistence. Though if it goes against Dharma, I would strongly warn against pursuing it. It won't satisfy you, it won't last long, and you'll pay the price in the end. Karma is a thing. Do good, good comes back to you. Do bad...you get the idea.

I wonder if I've alienated the atheists in my audience. Atheists, have I alienated/bored you by talking about God a lot? I'm not interested in changing your beliefs. But this is my personal blog so I am gonna talk about my own. A lot of it is definitional, I think. If we really took the time to drill down, we might just be calling things by different names (and have different sets of experiences). "Do you belive in God?" doesn't seem like a very relivant question. The relevant questions are: are you truly happy? Are you kind to your fellow beings? As for the other stuff, at the latest, we'll find out who's right when we die, eh? Betcha a quarter I'm right! 😉

On to the next topic: it's been a while since I actually threw up. Probably because I don't like throwing up. I try to avoid it, as a policy. Unpleasant. Bad for your teeth. But man, when your stomach is feeling really horrible, it is heaven, right after it's over.

So I got really, really sick, right after finishing the last day of my internship last week. It was a bad night. Sometime after midnight, unable to sleep because of the pain, I realized I needed to get to the bathroom, pronto. After finishing...that, and cleaning up, (including a shower; yes, it was gross. I don't have much practice, having never gotten into drinking at all, let alone heavily) I realized I had to de-ice my car and move it out of a snowbank on the sidewalk or I'd get a ticket for parking in a no-overnight zone. So, still with a headache and wet hair and wobbly on my legs, in the middle of the night, I wrapped my head in a towel and threw on all the warm clothes I could get and wiped the snow, scraped the ice, rocked the car free, and re-parked it. 

How I felt:

Actual level of proficiency:

Then I went to sleep for a long time. I managed to keep myself in bed with only a few breaks for most of the next two days by listening to "Ready Player One" on audio book. (Really looking forward to that movie) During the last several days I've subsisted on a thin rice gruel called "kanjee" (no idea of the spelling.)

And you know what? the universe is perfect and beautiful and I want to fall at its feet in utter defeat, utter surrender. It has given me so much, I couldn't even imagine it, before getting it. I would have considered it completely unrealistic. 

It's given me so much... I've got nothing to give in return, to match it. But I want to give, just like getting a sweet and thoughtful present makes you want to give something nice back. But all I can give is absolutely everything. It's just a speck, in comparison, but I know the universe doesn't care. It wasn't expecting anything in return, it doesn't care about getting anything in return. I've already said it: all it wants is me to be even more happy and at peace. And of course, that just makes me want to give even more. I am immoilated in kindness. Take everything God. Take it all. I give it with joy. I want nothing more than to give it. But what can I give of value? All he wants is for me to be happy. I guess I dang well better stop making excuses about why I shouldn't be then, and get on with it.

But part two is, I'm not special in this respect. Universe loves you this way too. Universe wants everyone to be this happy. And that's the part I really can do something about. Yet another overwhelming, more-than-I-can-conceptualize gift: I can be an assistant for God as he gives to other people.

God is fine, God doesn't need or want anything from anyone. He's the hardest person in the world to get a good gift for. But other people are the parts of God that giving matters too. They are the parts of God that aren't yet totally happy and content.

This gratitude isn't just for the obviously nice things that happened to me, just to clarify. I'm not saying "I puked my guts out but at least I met a cute girl so all good." I'm saying "It has become appallingly obvious that every single breath I take has a ribbon on it and a 'From God, with Love' note attached." 

I'm saying even being sick is a chance to tell a funny story and listen to a good book on tape and take a nap and appreciate being able to find gratitude even in unpleasant situations. Even severe stomach pain can be a training session in spiritual awareness because oowee it becomes way less bearable as soon as I stop my constant all-day-long awareness practice, so I won't be forgetting it for that time period. And if I can keep awareness and gratitude even in that situation, then how much easier in every other situation. Mental weight training. Powerful empathy generating experience as well, for other people who are going through something similar. I don't wish it on anybody, but I accept it without hesitation. (Until I do hesitate, at which point it's teaching me humility and where I still need to grow.)

It's all a gift, and it's all working for you, not against you, not even indifferent to you. Once you accept that, once you stop fighting the world and get onboard with learning from the hard stuff, the hard lessons get learned faster and then those classes are over sooner. 

Though you certainly can make it look like the universe is uncaring or out to get you. The world is like a mirror fun-house, and when you make a scary face at it, you get a hundred right back at you. Your thoughts, beliefs, and expectations, resound, react, and return to you. That is a thing. But once you realize that, you can start creating the reflections you want. And there is a reality behind the mirrors as well, and that is highly benevolent. My wish for all of you this year and every year, is the discovery of this fact for yourself. It is deeply peace-inducing. And allows you much more conscious control of your experience as a person here on earth.

Good night all. Or good morning. Be well, stay warm if your anywhere that's getting hit with the crazy low temperatures like we are, and love in love.

Happy New Years

 

-IOut