I've heard from many sources that people just aren't good at teaching the first year or two, or three, so I should set reasonable goals and be forgiving with myself. I have a hard time being ok doing stuff I'm bad at, and as a friend pointed out to me, it's even worse when other people are sharing the same high expectations of me. "why can't you do it?" "you're right, what's wrong with me?"
Regardless where it's coming from, I'm trying to keep in mind that I need to be super supportive and kind and forgiving with myself as I do this process, because getting depressed and discouraged will only make me less effective.
The sad truth is that few if any education degrees get you anywhere near prepared for actually teaching. There's lots of factual knowledge, but it is locked away until you are able to master all the practical stuff that they didn't teach you, because they can't teach that part theoretically, it has to be learned through experience.
I've just got to put in massive effort (but not so much that I burn out) and be prepared to do a lot of learning from my mistakes, and try and maintain a sense of humor and self-compassion.
I also remember several of my teachers reminding me to intentionally pay attention to the good things that I'm doing. It can be easy to just focus on the negatives, but it makes sense to spend time on the positives, if just for emotional resilience and maintaining joy. (Same advice for the kids, see the good and the strengths and the progress, not just the problems, since we tend to exacerbate what we pay attention to.)
Anyways, I'm in it for the long haul, and I'm about to undertake what might be the most challenging period of that haul (and that's taking into account the crazy busy summer.) I'm thankful for the good work community I'm in: a fun, supportive, skilled, heartfelt bunch of people I get to be working with, and a culture of supporting and training the new staff as they/we transition to greater responsibility. Liking the people you're working with and feeling like a real team makes a big difference.
Anyways, my allotted time is over, on to the next thing.
First, a word I made up a while ago but had forgotten about:
"Cabbernacky"
I haven't decided what it means, it sounds a bit "Alice in Wonderland"-ish, but I mainly like the sound of it.
Until next time (and I think I'm done talking about how busy I am, we can just assume this is continuing to be true until I mention otherwise. It's not a particularly engaging subject, it just happens to be what is going on in my life, every week.)
-IO
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