Again I am incredibly behind on my blog post and as usual it's because things are crazy busy. It's a different kind of busy than that of my summer. The summer was a soul-crushing amount of work, but it was very orderly. I had a clear list of assignments, I could input it into my todo list software in a matter of maybe 15 minutes, and I was good for the week. It was an incredible amount of work that kept me busy night and day seven days a week, but eventually I got the hang of how to do it more efficiently, and though it was still night and day 7 days a week, I at least was able to go out to lunch on the weekends and take a walk every now and then, and I didn't feel like I was being ground down into a paste by the weight of things.
This busy is different. My desk is covered in layers of things I have to do. Like a sedimentary rock, with the oldest stuff on the bottom, and new stuff continuing to pile up faster than I can take care of it.
And it is such a diffuse cloud of things. I keep trying to write them down, but they are in very diverse categories. Most but not all of them are school related, but they vary from researching songs to planning lessons to practicing lessons to buying roles of felt and neutral cloth from walmart and making lesson tracking sheets. And then there are other things as well, the usual din of life.
The first day of school with students was yesterday, and it went well for a first day, I think. Perhaps even very well? but I'm still leary of how things are going to continue to go, forwards from here. My list just gets added to, as I see students interacting and think of more things that should be done. I'd love to have a few hours just to sit down and writing it all out into my todo list and then sort it and date it if need be so it's easy to review and find. But I'm deep into firefighting mode, in that there are immediate things that need to get done right now. And so I don't have time for the longer-term planning. This always frustrates me, because what this means is something to the effect of:
I could do things three times faster, if I just had the time to stop and plan. But I don't, because I have so many things to do, that I need to do right now. so it takes three times as long, so I don't have any time to stop and plan. And the cycle thus self-perpetuates. I need better routiens, better habits, and that would make me more efficient, but again, finding the time to install those habits is hard, when I'm all in a tizzy. And by the end of the day I am totally exhausted. I'm no good for the higher order planning that is needed.
On the plus side, I think the anxiety is waking me up really early, so perhaps I can start chipping away and planning at 5 am, which may be the only time I have that I can do this. My girfriend will be gone for a week, so I can just go to bed at 8 or something and get up at 4. We'll see if I actually stick to that plan once it's the weekend... But I sure hope so. Maybe I'll post a big sticky-note reminding me, front and center on the wall in front of my desk.
OK, that's certainly all I have time for, gotta get back to all the other stuff I've got to do. I think I started working around... 5:20 this morning? and it's 6:40 now. Perhaps I'll go for my morning 15 minute run soon. I had to spend a good 10 minutes folding clothes just so I could sit down at my dest. And kept getting distracted by other stuff that needed doing. That's one of the problems of this lack of order and system, continual distractions by other stuff that needs doing. I've set the goal though, of order and more spaciousness with my time, and I have faith I'll be able to achieve it, like I did over the summer. (thought that wasn't a lot of spaciousness, time-wise, but it was enough for comfort, at least.)
Until next time, take care and don't forget to enjoy life, even if it's crazy most of the time.
-I Out
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