Vaccines, expectations, and the mental game.

 Here I am with another Monday lunch update.

I’m getting my second dose of the Covid vaccine this afternoon, which means I get to leave a little early (woo!). I’ve heard that people tend to have more reactions after the second dose, so we’ll see how that goes. In any case, it’s exciting to think it will only be a few more weeks till I’m safe enough to go into IKEA. And others stuff, I guess? I’m kind of a recluse anyways, so it doesn’t make too much difference to me. I suppose it opens up more date night possibilities once Suzannah is also vaccinated, but even once vaccinated, it’s not quite back to normal. I haven’t been keeping up with the news, but I’ve heard snippets about stuff like new strains of Covid, etc., and I imagine this will effect how people do things for years to come. But still, safe enough to maybe go on a real vacation somewhere.

Back to my big project, getting my time managed and under control: it’s been said to me, or at me, that the feeling of being overwhelmed and not having enough time, is mostly about my own thoughts, beliefs, etc., rather that just literally not having any time. I’ve started tracking my time, and just the process of bringing my awareness to where my time is actually going is enlightening. And humbling. It has made it clear that yes, I really am creating my own sense of hurry and crunched-ness.

At a basic level, I am choosing how I use my time. I choose what I do, and I choose how much I try to do in a given time. The first issue is trying to do two hours worth of work in one hour. That’s just bad scheduling, and leads to a feeling of not having enough time, though ultimately I’ve created that feeling by creating an unrealistic expectation. It’s like number setting, where you ask 90$ for a peanut and someone says that’s outrageous and only pays 1$, but it only cost a tenth of a cent to the seller. We base what is reasonable, when we don’t know, off of initial numbers that are given to us. Also like the AA saying, ‘expectation is premeditated disappointment.’ This is especially true if expectations are unreasonable.

The second thing is just, how am I actually spending my time? Some low priority tasks only take a moment and are ok to sprinkle in. Some take a long time, and are not worth it, especially when I only have a small amount of disposable time. I sometimes choose to do those things, instead of things that would be more helpful to my important goals. There’s no one to blame but myself, and I need to do some hard questioning about why I’m choosing those things. Habit? Addiction? Fear? Procrastination?

In any case, that’s where I am right now: I realize there is a mental problem, and am working on getting my mind right. As I continue to try and create good time management and organization habits.

Aaaaand, that’s all the time I have for today.

Goodbye!

-Isaac