Eureka, I told you so, teaching vs. disciplining.

 I had a rather large "aha" moment the other night. I was talking with Suzannah, about how it was surprising to me, that all this 'not having enough time' or 'not using my time well' stuff was so aggravating to me, when so many other things in my life, I was just chill about. And it struck me that maybe this was an area where I was not listening to common sense.

I had a conversation with some of my friends, earlier in the week, about various other friends. We talked about how we wanted to help them, but kept coming back to the point that they either didn't want to be helped, or felt like they couldn't take the advice. It's easy to fix other people's problems: break up with your boyfriend, get together with this guy who'd be good for you. Quit your job and do this instead. Etc. It is easy and often accurate, to make such suggestions, but those suggestions rarely get to the person, either because they are never spoken, because it's understood that it would offend the person etc., or because even when it is spoken, the person refuses to listen, "it's not that simple" they insist, when in fact it is. It is there emotions and attachments and fears that make it difficult, but everything about the actual situation and advice is sound.

If only they would listen to reason. If only they would just listen and do it, no drama. Or even listen and find their own way to implement it, if our suggestions aren't the best fit for them.

I told my friends, that if they ever saw me doing something like that, or has some kind of insight like that about me, to please tell me, and reference this conversation, because I wanted to be someone who was wise in that way, who did listen to the obvious good advice, ignoring the pointless, self-handicapping emotions and attachments irrational responses.

It struck me, as I was talking last night, that perhaps this 'time thing' was one of those such issues, to which Suzannah laughed and said, "did they tell you that?!" Because apparently that is exactly what she talked about after I left the call, saying that was my blind spot. My friends asked if they should talk to me about it and Suzannah said no, because she had tried and I had apparently not listened.

Let me make this clear to any and all family and friends, if you see something, say something. I want to know if I have blind spots. I want to be the sensible person who actually listens to the good advice. So please do me the favor of pointing it out to me, and please reference this conversation, so I can be in a properly open state of mind.

In any case, though I'm probably the last to know, I now know that this is a blind spot where I'm acting irrationally and in a self-harming way.

Another interesting and kind of miraculous point: I mentioned the Cutting the Ties that Bind method, created by Phyllis Krystal, and I had just been finishing up the second cut in a series on time management. I had just done the culminating cut... one day prior. So as I've said about that method: most powerful tool/system for profound change that I have yet experimented with. (Though I would recommend working with an experienced practitioner to help guide you to get the most out of it.)

The other point that was bothering me was my complex relationship with teaching. Theoretically, I love teaching, and it is a great match for me. But in practice I often find it overwhelmingly exhausting, with many skills needed that I think I am ill suited for, and other mental blocks that make it unpleasant and ineffecting to the point where I question whether I should keep doing it.

I wondered though, if it was more about the implementation than the job as a whole. Perhaps the problems were with the long hours and the tedium of many of the tasks, or my own mental approach to it that sabotage my success, growth and happiness (I'm too attached to succeeding and doing it 'right'). So I thought I'd just take some time to be aware of what elements of the job I enjoyed, if any, and what elements I really didn't. Perhaps from there I could come up with a way to approach the job that was more enjoyable and successful.

The first thing that I realized today, is that I love to teach. I mean that specifically, so let me be very specific: I love to sit down and teach people who are eager to learn, something they're interested in. That totally could get me into a state of flow and be a job I look forward too when I wake up.

However, 'being a teacher' is about much more than that. You need to be constantly aware of the classroom, and you need to be a disciplinarian and leader who shapes the students and classroom atmosphere so that the students are focusing and working hard and respectful. I do not at all like 'keeping an eye on the class' while I'm teaching, and find it hard to do. I'd rather be absorbed with the group in front of me. I do not like being the disciplinarian, dealing with difficult children, interruptions, kids not focusing on their work. I can do it, to a basic level of success, but it's not a part of the job I enjoy. And If I can't do it well, then the class is constantly moving towards disruption, disrespect, and it is a constant fight to keep them on task. 

Also trying to force then to do things they don't want to do, where it's a constant battle of wills, I very much do not like.

So for me to really look forward to teaching, I at least have to address these issues in some way, though there may be more I haven't yet noted down.

OK, that's all for now. See ya next week.

Burrito, Mac & Cheese, Salad.

 This will likely be another short post, since I have a newsletter to write today, and would like to get started on it during lunch.

Technically I’ve got a few days to write it, but I always like to set my deadlines a little early so I don’t feel rushed if it takes longer than I plan for, which it usually does.

This was weekend one of my bachelor-o-thon. Suzannah is away visiting her parents so I have to cook clean take care of the cats and garden, as well as my normal weekend stuff. I think it’s all possible, but I always find that the first few times you do something new, it’s pretty inefficient. You’re still figuring out your systems, how long things take, etc. So I got only a fraction of what I wanted to get done. I almost have a few meals prepped, but certainly not the whole week’s worth. Today and yesterday were chipotle for lunch, and there’s probably going to be some more of that by the end of the week. Flashbacks to my summers doing my Montessori training, where I didn’t have time (or a kitchen) for making my own meals. It was an airbnb, but I didn’t feel comfortable getting their kitchen messy, so the most I did was make some salads. And lunch was chipotle most days because that was the best vegetarian option. I can live off of it for a while, though it does get monotonous. 

I need to figure out some way to get myself back in gear at the end of the day for more work though, since I’ve got a lot that I want to get done in the evenings. With Suzannah gone, it’s the ideal time to work overtime, but to actually do that I need to manage my energy and emotions well, or nothing is getting done.

Some thoughts bopping around in my head related to that: 

- different work is rest

- heavy meals keep me from getting back up and getting to work right away

- a habit that re-energizes me right when I get home would be very useful. (I’m considering a short nap and/or 15-20 minutes of excercise)

Book recommendation: Tiny Habits by B.J. Fogg

I’m listening to it as an audiobook and it seems like an excellent resource for anyone who wants to create new habits. Which should be anyone who wants to improve themselves and/or their life.

I’m thinking about the upside of being so busy all the time: it’s fertile soil to practice really good time management. I may have had this thought before, but it’s like weight training, where you put on a weighted vest and just go about your day like that, and when you take the vest off, suddenly everything is easy. Hopefully, if I learn how to manage my time well in the current circumstances, anything less will feel easy. Even my current situation feels easier than last year, just because it’s less stressful, now that I’m with my mentor.

I may have allergies. Or I had a quick cold at the start of the weekend. In either case, sneezing and extra fatigue.

OK, definitely time to go now. See ya next week, at which point it will almost be time for Suzannah to come back and make me eat something other than chipotle burritos, Annie’s Mac and cheese, and salad. :D

-I Out

100 Years of Solitude (or two weeks), Teacher training realization.

 OK, yesterday was a shorter than normal lunch, so no time for blogging. My wife is going to be gone for a few weeks, so I’ll be on my own starting tomorrow. I’ve gotten used to being on my own, from most of my life being that way, but that doesn’t mean I enjoyed it. It’s definitely a lower quality of life. Or I should say, being together makes life better. I’ll survive though. Likely I won’t eat as well and I won’t have as much willpower or emotional comfort or support, or as much fun. But I’ll likely talk to her before bed, like I did in the past when I was away for a while. And my life with just generally be more full of work and less of play. That’s my prediction anyways.

Work continues to be good. Certainly more comfortable and encouraging than any previous teaching experience, since I’m working with a seasoned veteran with the same ideals as me.

I still haven’t gotten together a systematized learning plan to make the most of it, but I’m continuing to think and write little notes and goals and such, gathering info and brainstorming. And I frequently get tips and pointers from my mentor, so there continues to be forward momentum and progress.

I’m tired. I’m getting up around 5am, and even going to bed at 9:30 seems to late. I could probably happily go to sleep at 8:30 and not be getting to much rest. I’ve got a bit of wearable tech to measure my sleep quality, and I suspect my tendency to thrash a bit (which I’m guessing might be restless leg syndrome) means I’m usually not getting the best quality of sleep, so I need more of it. I’m trying to experiment a bit to find out ways to get better quality sleep.

I had the realization that part of what I’m learning, and have been for the past many years, is time management. The fact that I am so busy is really the only way to practice time management. I need to have an over-full schedule, so I can learn how to deal with ‘not having enough time.’

I’m also revisiting the idea that all of my life could be approached the way I approached improv dance. With that same openness to imperfection, ‘failure’, and playful sense of experimentation. That unattached but passionate way of acting that was so enjoyable and effective. I think I mentioned that last time as well. I can almost feel what it would be like. It seems nearby, within reach, with a bit of feeling around. That would be quite exciting indeed. With work certainly, but hopefully with life in general.

I also had a brainstorm that I wrote in my document devoted to plans for a teacher education program. At Antioch, there was an emphasis on ‘internships’ and ‘learning by doing.’ But I didn’t feel like my teaching internships prepared me well for teaching much better than the academic learning did. I think that’s because it’s what Anders Ericsson would call ‘naive practice’ as opposed to deliberate practice. Strumming your guitar every day for 20 minutes will NOT get you better at guitar. It takes a special type of practice for that time spent to be moving you forwards.

OK, time to go. Past time. Not title, I guess.

[Update: it’s the next day, I’ve got a moment, so I’ll give it a title]

See ya!

An old sheet of paper, A little sick, A lot of sleep.

 Welp, Labor Day rolled around and then past. I got sick, thus me not posting the previous weeks post even though All I had left was the title. I did a lot of sleeping. I figured it was my main job, since I needed to be back in good shape by the time work started back up on Tuesday. I would have liked to spend more of it doing stuff, but it is what it is. I’m grateful I got the extra day to sleep in some more. Normally I’m up at 5 am, but when I’m sick I sleep as long as my body will let me.

One of my teacher/mentors mentioned reminded me that their’s a difference between being ‘busy’ and being productive, so I’ve been trying to keep that in mind as I work. Trying to be aware of which it is I’m doing. For me, it means doing unimportant work vs. important. There’s lots of little things to do, but only a few things that will make a big difference in my life. And then a bunch of stuff that’s not super important on it’s own, but is general life maintenance stuff that needs to get done, even if it doesn’t feel super important. That’s the stuff that needs to get done, but that you don’t want to end up filling up all your available time, like when you’re writing an essay for class and it ends up taking as long as you’ve got. Those things are best given time restrictions I suppose.

In any case, it’s a slightly different angle on the whole time management thing, akin to what I noticed with prioritization over “time management.”

It was interesting, having a talk with my my mentor, the day before I got sick, about creating teacher (and maybe parent) training programs, and how exciting that was for me. I’ve been thinking about this, and wondering if I might be happier with a mix of teaching and research. I love researching and it seems a shame to not be using that skill and love, which can border on obsession.

I also stumbled upon a paper recording some thoughts and prayers from several years ago… I should re-read it again, but it said some things about elements of my what my ideal job might look/feel like, that still seem pertinent. It should feel good, and right. And the specific thing I identified was just the times I was their for a friend, to listen and support, counsel and hopefully inspire onwards. Maybe I’m not saying it exactly right. But it reminded me of some of my first thoughts that set me on the path I’m currently on. It felt pertinent, and powerful.

OK, that’s it for now, gotta go.

Take care, be well,

-Isaac

Labor Day, Slow Title, Learning to learn

 Approaching Labor-Day weekend. A three day-weekend, yes, but also the start of the class I’m teaching on weekends as a volunteer, and a retreat that may take up much of the long weekend. Time. Time is so precious. As I do more work and experimentation with time management and prioritization, I’m starting to think prioritization is where the real art of it is. You can only shuffle around what you are doing so much. It’s what you’re doing that requires deep thought, and some degree of willpower and good habits, to master. There are so many things I want to do, but there simply isn’t time for all of it. What I choose to actually do has to do with what I value most, along with what I’m capable of doing at any given energy level/emotional state, along with what I need to do for self-care, as well as what I need to do, for any of the other relationships in my life that I value, as well as considerations for compounding or combing effects, where doing two things together gives outsized benefits that one or the other on their own wouldn’t give.

It’s complex. I’m going to have to finish this on another day since I’m out of time today.

I’ve been listening to a book on tape by Cal Newport called “Digital Minimalism,” mostly because of one concept he mentions, where, when removing most of your digital ways of having fun and connecting, you need to replace them with high-quality analogue alternatives. I’d like a nice beefy list of such alternatives, though at this point I’m not sure I’m going to get it. I don’t really need such a list though, I think I can brainstorm enough to get by. But crowd-sourcing ideas for that might come up with a bunch of gems I wouldn’t have thought of on my own. 

Perhaps my experience setting the screen-time limiter on my laptop spurred me on to read more about that kind of thing, as well. I like his approach, because it’s pretty level headed. It’s not saying that technology is bad and you can’t use it, it’s saying that much of what we use technology is for is unhealthy and we should take a much more intentional approach, curating what technologies we use and how we use them, to get the most benefit from them with the least negatives. 

It seems very sensible, but the approach he recommends requires some investment in time, thinking about how to implement it, and I’m already full, in terms of behavior change missions, so I’ll just have to keep doing my ad-hoc method, which is still much better than nothing. My technology sticking points are pretty limited at least in quantity, so it’s feasible to deal with them one at a time, starting with those with the most negative effects and easiest fixes.

In any case, I started another book, after trying to find a good way to implement time-blocking (something Cal is a big fan of.) An acquaintance of his that he partnered with on a project wrote a book called “Ultralearning” and in spite of the flashy title, I thought it might have some reasonable info on best practices for self-learning. And my two main goals these days are time/prioritization, and teaching. I was thinking of the ultra-learning practices mainly for teaching. I don’t think there is much learning left to do with the time management/prioritization, I think it’s mostly practice and refinement. But for teaching, it is very necessary. I don’t have a clear pathway, though I do have an excellent mentor and environment for learning, so it makes it urgent that I get a pathway and plan set up, to make use of this singular opportunity.

The problem, again, is time. Everything takes time. Planning and troubleshooting takes time. Figuring out what to prioritize, what to spend time on, takes time. Mapping out best practices for my learning as a teacher takes time.

This is why time management/prioritization is sharing top priority with learning to be a good teacher. It is the leverage point, the choke point, the key to everything else I want to do, due to how limited my time is.

Speaking of which, it’s time to go back to work. Bye for now! :-)

I Out

Whoops, not quite yet, need to think up a title….

…And almost a week later, finally finishing it. Whoops.