Monday, September 27, 2021

Eureka, I told you so, teaching vs. disciplining.

 I had a rather large "aha" moment the other night. I was talking with Suzannah, about how it was surprising to me, that all this 'not having enough time' or 'not using my time well' stuff was so aggravating to me, when so many other things in my life, I was just chill about. And it struck me that maybe this was an area where I was not listening to common sense.

I had a conversation with some of my friends, earlier in the week, about various other friends. We talked about how we wanted to help them, but kept coming back to the point that they either didn't want to be helped, or felt like they couldn't take the advice. It's easy to fix other people's problems: break up with your boyfriend, get together with this guy who'd be good for you. Quit your job and do this instead. Etc. It is easy and often accurate, to make such suggestions, but those suggestions rarely get to the person, either because they are never spoken, because it's understood that it would offend the person etc., or because even when it is spoken, the person refuses to listen, "it's not that simple" they insist, when in fact it is. It is there emotions and attachments and fears that make it difficult, but everything about the actual situation and advice is sound.

If only they would listen to reason. If only they would just listen and do it, no drama. Or even listen and find their own way to implement it, if our suggestions aren't the best fit for them.

I told my friends, that if they ever saw me doing something like that, or has some kind of insight like that about me, to please tell me, and reference this conversation, because I wanted to be someone who was wise in that way, who did listen to the obvious good advice, ignoring the pointless, self-handicapping emotions and attachments irrational responses.

It struck me, as I was talking last night, that perhaps this 'time thing' was one of those such issues, to which Suzannah laughed and said, "did they tell you that?!" Because apparently that is exactly what she talked about after I left the call, saying that was my blind spot. My friends asked if they should talk to me about it and Suzannah said no, because she had tried and I had apparently not listened.

Let me make this clear to any and all family and friends, if you see something, say something. I want to know if I have blind spots. I want to be the sensible person who actually listens to the good advice. So please do me the favor of pointing it out to me, and please reference this conversation, so I can be in a properly open state of mind.

In any case, though I'm probably the last to know, I now know that this is a blind spot where I'm acting irrationally and in a self-harming way.

Another interesting and kind of miraculous point: I mentioned the Cutting the Ties that Bind method, created by Phyllis Krystal, and I had just been finishing up the second cut in a series on time management. I had just done the culminating cut... one day prior. So as I've said about that method: most powerful tool/system for profound change that I have yet experimented with. (Though I would recommend working with an experienced practitioner to help guide you to get the most out of it.)


The other point that was bothering me was my complex relationship with teaching. Theoretically, I love teaching, and it is a great match for me. But in practice I often find it overwhelmingly exhausting, with many skills needed that I think I am ill suited for, and other mental blocks that make it unpleasant and ineffecting to the point where I question whether I should keep doing it.

I wondered though, if it was more about the implementation than the job as a whole. Perhaps the problems were with the long hours and the tedium of many of the tasks, or my own mental approach to it that sabotage my success, growth and happiness (I'm too attached to succeeding and doing it 'right'). So I thought I'd just take some time to be aware of what elements of the job I enjoyed, if any, and what elements I really didn't. Perhaps from there I could come up with a way to approach the job that was more enjoyable and successful.

The first thing that I realized today, is that I love to teach. I mean that specifically, so let me be very specific: I love to sit down and teach people who are eager to learn, something they're interested in. That totally could get me into a state of flow and be a job I look forward too when I wake up.

However, 'being a teacher' is about much more than that. You need to be constantly aware of the classroom, and you need to be a disciplinarian and leader who shapes the students and classroom atmosphere so that the students are focusing and working hard and respectful. I do not at all like 'keeping an eye on the class' while I'm teaching, and find it hard to do. I'd rather be absorbed with the group in front of me. I do not like being the disciplinarian, dealing with difficult children, interruptions, kids not focusing on their work. I can do it, to a basic level of success, but it's not a part of the job I enjoy. And If I can't do it well, then the class is constantly moving towards disruption, disrespect, and it is a constant fight to keep them on task. 

Also trying to force then to do things they don't want to do, where it's a constant battle of wills, I very much do not like.

So for me to really look forward to teaching, I at least have to address these issues in some way, though there may be more I haven't yet noted down.


OK, that's all for now. See ya next week.

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