Should one continue to do a job that you are constantly counting down till the next weekend, break, etc.? My love-hate relationship with teaching continues. I’m glad I have the word ambivalent because that’s what’s going on. Mixed and conflicting feelings.
Voices in my head:
- “most people do jobs they don’t really like, why should you get to be different?
- “most people are unhappy and we are all living in a fairly sick and partially dysfunctional society, so conforming to that is not a sign of health or sanity.”
- “maybe you just need to get better at it and then you’ll come to really love it.”
- “or maybe I’ll find a job where my strengths are desirable and my weaknesses aren’t an issue and then I’ll love it from the outset. But I certainly won’t find that if I keep doing what I have been doing. Also, perhaps it’s not true, but if I extrapolate from my failures and successes with relationships, it’s is much better to find someone you really click with, if not immediately, then pretty shortly after really getting to know and interact with them. It does not take that long to get a feel for that kind of resonance, or the lack thereof with people, it seems reasonable that the same would hold true for jobs.”
- “but you don’t know that for sure. Plus it’s easier to date a bunch informally than to do a bunch of jobs informally.”
- “maybe, maybe not. If I’m willing to work as an unpaid intern for a few weeks or a month, I might have reasonable flexibility.”
- “that seems unfair because so many people don’t have that option.”
- “but that doesn’t mean that I should avoid using whatever tools are at my disposal.”
- “you signed up for a 3 year contract, you should be focusing on how to do your job as well as possible until that contract is up.”
- “what if it’s clear to me that I don’t want to be doing that, before the contract is up, isn’t it reasonable to at least ask if I can stop early?”
- “everything happens for a reason, perhaps you’re being forced to stick with it for so long because the universe knows you’d try and run away from the unpleasantness if that was an option, but on the other side of the unpleasantness is some great learning and the opening of doors to work you do find really satisfying.”
- “seems like there’s no way to know, but my best guess is it’s not gonna do that, it’s just going to be another stressful year with moderate learning and easing of the difficulty without fundamentally changing how I feel about the work.”
- “you could be wrong, and then it’s unlikely you’d get as good an opportunity again any time soon.”
So, there you have a little snippet inside my head, at least on that topic. Others things bouncing around are a friends comment that me writing a book for teachers about all the problems I’m dealing with, and then solutions, could be really valuable, but my thought is, I’m not even a good teacher yet, who in the world am I to give advice to others.
More could be said on more things, but it’s time to wrap up. Two weeks to go till winter break. Then 5-ish months till summer break, then a year till I’m done with my contract. The next thing in my life I am eagerly looking forward to is being able to work part time. Unless I immediately find work I love, that is my plan. I can finally make a dent in all my independent projects that have been building up.
See ya next time
-I Out
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