Silence, Awareness, Simplicity

Sorry for this post being late.

I feel like I am on the edge of something new. Like a leaning out over a cliff edge with waves crashing far below. The sea wind blowing on me, about to leap off and fly or fall into something new and big and powerful.

Right now I am acutely aware of the power of focus and awareness. I'm starting to notice something. During certain times like as I get ready for bed or sometimes in the middle of the day when I get off track from my tasks, or when I start quietly, (much more quietly than in the past,) berating myself for getting distracted or for giving into temptation, there is something I can do. If I am aware while this is going on, or even partway through, I can learn and make different choices in the moment and different choices the next time I'm in a similar situation.

I'm feeling the urgency and the importance of simplicity. This ties in with focus and it ties in with action. When I don't have simplicity it becomes hard to focus and it becomes hard to take action, especially meaningful action, on what's important to me. It's hard to have clarity; clarity of purpose, and related, clarity on what is actually important to be doing right now.

Somewhat ironically, going slower actually allows me to have this awareness and return to this focus, which then lets me be far more productive, get more important things done. But I think also, more things done, period. Any things.

I'm getting more and more aware of the way I sabotage myself or distract myself or get sidetracked, and what I can do about that.

The awareness opens new avenues. For example, why do I keep going to bed late? Sometimes it's because I feel a little lonely and unfulfilled. Sometimes it's because there is something that I want to do, some loop to close, that is itching at me. If that is consciously recognized and accepted, than I can either find a healthy way to meet that need: maybe talk or cuddle with Suzannah, or read/listen to something uplifting, if I need comfort and warmth. Or, recognize my compulsion as unnecessary, and let it go, if that's it. Or even recognize my feelings of guilt or unworthiness, if I'm giving myself a hard time, and forgive myself, or practice self-compassion, or remind myself of some other bit of wisdom or inspiration.

These are all habits that hold me back, and with patient awareness, I am slowly replacing them with much more healthy, helpful, and loving habits.

Suzannah is away for the week on a business trip, and it's been an opportunity for more quiet introspection and awareness than usual. And, it's much easier to go off the rails when I'm alone, so it is an added layer of challenge, and an added amount of negative patterns etc. that is coming to light to be seen.

I'm into it! :D

So, that's what's up for now.

Take care and much love ^_^

-Isaac