Crunch Time.

OK, this one is for this week. I'm in serious trouble. I have a LOT of things due over the next week and a half. Two papers, a video recording, and two presentations. I rage at the lack of pedagogical intelligence. Maybe I should be a college professor so I can 'do it right' or else have some compassion for how hard it is to 'do it right' in practice.

In any case, that is my life for the next week and a half. Though unfortunately it's also when I need to figure out my healthcare, so I've got at least one non-school thing that I don't have the option to ignore. And there are various ongoing meetings and responsibilities that keep requiring time every week and I can't just pause until I'm less busy. But as much as possible, I'm cutting out anything extraneous. Including long blog posts.

Hopefully when I post next it will all be over and I'll have a chance to relax and decompress.

Love,

I

Thanksgiving, gratitude, love in action. Short one.

 OK, I'm writing this Monday Nov. 27th, which is a week late for this post. But I really don't have much time for blog posts, let alone two. So both these will be quick.

Thanksgiving: Suzannah was amazing, she was working full throttle for two days straight, and a fair bit of time before that, cooking, organizing, cleaning, to get things ready. I really admire her dedication to family. All that she was doing was, I think, a kind of gift to her family, creating space and time for warmth and togetherness. Other people cooked stuff as well and contributed, but she really did the lion's share. I'm glad I had the week off from school so I could help and support, because it was a lot.

I think it's good to admire your partner, so I'm grateful I've got a partner I really admire. She's got a big heart and puts her values of love and family into action.

It was nice to get a little break from school. Though I probably should have been working full throttle on the assignments coming up. Now I'm in trouble.

That's all for this one I think.

-I Out 

Time and recreation, positive and negative.

This week feels a bit like just continuing a line that was already started previously. Working on papers, reading textbooks supporting a friend. It's been a bit lighter on papers, so I've had some time to clean things up a bit in the house, have some fun with Suzannah, and finish assembling IKEA stuff. It feels very nice. I would like more please.

That said, after I finish this, I'm going to go back to paper writing, due this weekend, and then classes until 6:30, followed by more paper writing and classes tomorrow. However, it is a step down in busyness from the previous few weeks, so I'm grateful for that.

I was just reminded this morning about the eureka moment I had a while ago about time and hurrying. I'd kind of forgotten about it. The feeling of working diligently, with focus and intention, but without hurry, rush, or worry. Calmly sitting down and focusing on what needs to get done, right now.

Last night, I almost checked out at 7pm, doing something I'd call a waste of time, because I was tired. However, before I got started on that, I read something spiritually uplifting, and it changed my mental and emotional state enough, that I instead started working on a pleasant, low-brain-power task I'd been meaning to work on for a while. It was satisfying to do, and at the end of it I'd made a big dent in the task. This strikes me as a great way to get a lot more of the stuff I want done, done.

It falls under the category of "the problem is not having too little time, but too little energy." Meaning often, I realize that I have time where I could be doing tasks I've decided are important, but I just can't bring myself to do them, at the end of a long day or long sprint (multiple days of hard focused work).

The solution, at least in this case, was to shift my internal state enough that I'm willing to do something productive but easy, rather than unproductive. Sometimes a simple change in the type of work being done, can be rejuvenating. Or, the type or rejuvenating activity I do can be something I also consider productive. I think the simplest example is doing something creative, rather than passive. Passive is watching TV, creative is writing something, or making something, or learning something, or fixing something, or helping someone, etc.

So, I suppose we will see shortly if I am able to lean towards doing that more often. It seems possible.

In other news, my slightly less busy schedule has given me some opportunity to tidy up the house and I love both the process and especially the outcome. It's so nice living in a clean environment. I'm not there yet, but I'm closer to that, and even that feels loads better. And is inspiration/motivation to get me to do more.

That's all for now,

With love,

I Out

Less papers. Life. Journey before Destination.

 Still thinking about my friend, and how to support someone who is going through grief. It's a tricky situation. You don't know what to do. They don't know what to do. They're not in a position to sit down calmly and think about what to do, so it seems like the onus falls on those of us who care to educate ourselves in how we can be genuinely supportive and not end up making things worse while we try and make them better.

Life is hard, man. But also touching and beautiful and full of love and joy and goodness sometimes.

I think I'm getting better at it, year by year. But there are always new challenges to meet, and so I need to remember to make the journey itself better. It can't just be all about when you finally arrive. The present is the only moment you will ever have, so the practice of making good use of it seems at least tied for most important thing.

Two papers to finish by Monday, but this is a lighter week: I'm already on the final draft, with feedback on the larger paper, and the second paper is just a simple reflection on some readings.

Next week is another big paper, and a second, medium sized paper, but the week after that is NO papers. Woo! I can get a leisurely start on the final papers and presentations, and maybe do something fun and non-school-related.

(Note, "journey before destination" is cribbed from one of Brandon Sanderson's fantasy series, though the idea itself is cribbed from philosophy/spirituality.)

Grief. OK; Not OK.

This is the post of last week, which I haven't done yet. One my closest friends just lost one of their parents in a very sudden and, as far as I can tell, traumatic way. I feel like I haven't been a very good friend in the past when people close to me have been going through really hard stuff, and I really want to do better, so I've been really trying to prioritize being part of a support network for him. That plus school has been all the time and mental space. Thus, didn't even think about a blog last week.

I asked one of my professors recently for a suggestion on a resource to help people who are supporting grieving friends and family, and they pointed me to a book called, "It's ok that your not ok" So I've been trying to read that in between school assignments. Part of it confirms my worries that often people are really not helpful when someone is going through grief, especially intense cases (like an unexpected death, a child or partner's death, death due to murder or suicide) even when they are trying to be helpful. So I guess I'm glad I've got it to read, though concerned I haven't read it all yet.

That's all for this short post.

Take care of each other, be well,

Isaac