Again I find myself past the weekend, writing my blog.
On the plus side, I put some serious energy and thought into recuperation and purification, and it seems to be working. I'm not doing any less work, in fact, I'm doing more work.
But what I've changed is I'm using all the tools in my arsenal, from precommitments and implementation intentions, to Odysseus contracts and social accountability, to steer myself towards some more rejuvenating recovery time. Mostly on the weekends, but a few minutes during the week as well.
First off, I tried asking the friends I was hanging out with Friday and Saturday night, to help me leave and go to bed earlier. I'd call that an Odysseus contract. (I wonder if I need to explain that more completely. yeah, probably.)
An 'odyesuss contract' comes from the part of the Odyssey where Odysseus is about to sail by the sirens. he's curious what their song is like, to be able to lure men to their deaths, but he also doesn't want to die, so he has all his sailors plug their ears with wax (the best kind of Odysseus contract/precommitment strategy) and tie him up to the ship mast, with very clear instructions not to untie him, no matter what he says, until they are clear of the sirens. They sail by, the sirens, sing, Odysseus yells and begs his men to let him go, they don't, and then they're clear. So the idea is, set things up, so when your willpower is weakest, you have other things in place to make sure you're steered in the right direction.
In my case, some friends who will help remind me that I really do want to go to bed on time, and also, by reminding me, implicitly state that it's OK for me to leave (which is one of the reasons I end up staying later than I mean to: I feel bad about leaving.)
That worked very well. The next hurdle was when I got home, actually going to bed. This part didn't work great, but I did set clear intentions, and it went better than the previous week, and way better than the week before that, so hopefully it's a good pattern.
I then set implementation intentions and pre-decided that Saturday morning was for getting some of my Montessori training essays done (at least two) and then do some spiritual purification. I actually did a full on half-hour long guided meditation to energetically and emotionally cleanse myself, among other things. It's hard to get myself to decide to do something like that, once the weekend actually roles around and I'm physically and emotionally exhausted, but deciding in advance what I would do and when, made it much easier (though still far from perfect, for example I didn't get the essays done until the afternoon) in addition to just a few minutes of some other meditations and techniques to help clean myself.
This is something I postulated was important, and it seems to be confirmed. I've heard many of my friends who do therapy, or energy work, or even massage, mention that they have to clean themselves after a day of working with clients. some of what they work with is like cleaning mud off people, and in doing so, eventually you get mud on you, and you need to make sure to give yourself a shower at the end of the day. I think teaching is like that. You are interacting with all of these people, some of which have a lot of emotional mud on them, and you're trying to help clean it off, direct them towards better choices, build self esteem, comfort, be compassionate, problem solve, inspire, discipline. It is sometimes like trying to clean off some very sticky mud from someone. A cleaning job that you have to work at for weeks and months, perhaps years.
When I realized that my own energy was getting dirty and I started doing something about it, it made a big difference. It's still a super intense, demanding job, I still feel anxiety sometimes, and I am tired and brain-fried by the end of the day. But taking even a little bit of time, to consciously do things that clean me up, emotionally, energetically, makes a very big difference in the quality of my life.
Which means I can be more present and compassionate for the kids, and have more energy to do the seemingly endless tasks that need doing. And have a bit more energy for facing the truly challenging tasks.
But it's just the first week of this, so perhaps too soon to tell. For now I'll keep working at it, since it seems to be doing good things.
And I can't wait for Thanksgiving, and even more so, Christmas break. Oh how I crave a longer weekend. If you are a new teacher or know a new teacher, the first year being really intense is a real thing. (and I've heard that can continue to be intense through the second year as well), be compassionate with them/yourself.
With Love,
-I Out
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