I don't have much more to say than that, really. Every day after work I feel like one of those asfalt flatteners has run me over.
I'm trying... well, many things. I'm trying to figure out how I can work and not feel like that at the end of the day, or if that's even possible (is it how I'm approaching it, or is it just a building up endurance thing, or some of each, or something else entirely?)
And how I can get enough recuperation that I'm somewhat fresh for the new day, and not so run down by the weekend that I'm too tired to even rest properly. (is that what "overtired" means?)
I appreciate the motivation that this job gives me to push myself. I appreciate my kind, funny, supportive, skilled coworkers. I'm grateful for getting to do something that feels meaningful to me. And I'm grateful for getting to work with a bunch of kids who I love. I'm grateful for many, many things about my job, and my life overall.
But I'm also going through what I think is the fairly universal first year teacher experience (TM) which is a quite stressful ordeal. Anxiety, self-doubt, deep exhaustion. They are things, they are real. I'm handling them as best I can, and I believe I'll come out the other side, I just need to keep going.
But yeah, it's a lot. Many aspects of my life are falling away because I just don't have time or energy for them. I'll try and keep up this blog if I at all can, but it seems possible that I may wake up one day and realize I haven't posted here or even thought about it for a few weeks, because too many other things have crowded it out of my tired brain.
In any case, peace be with you, may your lives be filled with light and goodness, and may you find goodness and gratitude even in the bitter parts of life: if not for the pleasure they give you, for the learnings they impart.
With love to all those dear to me, and a general benevolent love to the unknown persons who've accidentally somehow stumbled upon this,
^_^
-Isaac
No comments:
Post a Comment