Pic not related.

how can I do this as quickly as possible?

Though I wake up Monday mornings (and some other mornings) with a knot of anxiety in my chest, worrying about how I will do this week, though I'm quite pooped in body and soul by the end of the week, I've decided that by sheer dint of will and determination, I'm going to have a good time, with my life, with my work.

So much of life is in the interpretation, in the perspective. There are always good things to be found, in any day. As there are always bad things. So I wonder what the repercussions are of choosing to focus on stuff I can complain about, vs. stuff I can be thankful for. Of course, you can take this too far and ignore the very real negative emotions you are feeling, and that's not healthy at all.

That whole subtlety is a long conversation in its own right. the TL; DR is just, I think: don't dwell and roll around in your angst, but do acknowledge and allow all your feelings to be felt, and then focus on the good, and reframe the bad.

I'm not in a rush here. I'm in this for the long haul. I'll find my balance. Perhaps in a kind of balanced imbalance. I like the analogy of running: you are constantly falling forwards, when running. If you stopped putting one foot in front of the other, you'd fall smack on your face. But by taking step after step, you find a kind of balance in that imbalance, where your momentum keeps you just perfectly in that leaning forward place that allows you to move fastest.

It's like that with life in general, I think: if you want to grow and progress, you need to be leaning into life. Often leaning into discomfort. But you don't want it to be fall-on-your-face discomfort. You want a kind of energetic, engaged ease and flexibility in that falling forward motion, a poise, that allows you to maintain it long term. too much leaning into discomfort and you scrape your face on the asphalt. too little lean and you end up moving very slowly, or, if you try and move quickly, you fall on your butt with your legs way in front of you.

... I've lost the thread of the analogy.

In any case, I'm looking for that: that comfort with the "leaning into life": the discomfort and uncertainty and failure. Along with the driving action necessary to move forward. (the legs moving/running) It's a challenging place to get to, but it is without a doubt the best possible posture for rapid growth and progress.

Finally, at least, I have a task, a mission, that I have no doubt is worthwhile, and deserves every ounce of effort I can muster towards it. That is one of the greatest blessings of my life right now.

Good night all ^_^


P.S.

here's a photo dump of various happenings over the last few weeks:

Speaking of Analogies... perhaps the one I just gave was worse than I thought and the government is coming for me. This is an actual truck that parked next to me. I am delighted that such a thing exists.

awesome huge praying mantis I saw on the front door to my school. I learned my lesson from last time and didn't tell the kids.

...some kinds can handle holding bugs gently or just giving the thier distance, but I showed some kids a monarch butterfly chrysalis, and one kid tore it off its perch onto the ground, killing the crystalis. I felt horrible and horrified. As did most of the kids, I think.

Some awesome cute/ugly ducks that were hanging out for a few weeks along the back road to my aunts house. I find their knobbly red skin super cute. But it makes me think how I'd probably find the same feature on a person ugly. Who decides? In any case, I found there continual presence soothing and delightful. Most of this series is about delightful things, I guess.

Finally, what looked like a banksy-esk art installation, but might have just been some dropped off garbage

I felt like zooming in was somehow appropriately dramatic so I've included the series of photo's here.

as a more creepy note, right nearby was a big crack in the sidewalk were I saw on of the biggest spiders I've ever seen outside of tarantula exhibits in zoo's. It's Abdomen was the size of a grape. O.O

In any case, I feel like this picture, especially the first one, is some kind of commentary on impermanence and time. If it was accidental, it's delightful, and if it was on purpose,  good job banksy fan.

If you don't know banksy: here's a link
He's... interesting.