Sunday, January 13, 2019

Musings and mental wanderings

What does it mean to lead a worthwhile life? I think it was Aristotle who framed the question as "what is the good life?"

It's not actually that complex, I think. I feel like I have an internal compass, that I can always turn to and simply ask, "what's the best thing I could be doing right now?" and then wait quietly, expectantly, but without pushing, and I'll get an answer. I'll get the best answer I can come up with. That is "doing my best." and as long as I feel I'm doing that, I can have peace.

The trouble is just in this: sometimes I forget to ask the question, to take the pause. Sometimes, for some reason, I don't want to take the pause and ask the question. Perhaps I am afraid of the answer I will get. Which is a little silly. But there it is.

There is more complexity to it, as I learn the specific things I need to learn to get better, or to learn how to do something I need to do. But it can ultimately be boiled down to that. Ask "what's the best I can do." And do it. Then enjoy, or learn from it, or both.

I need more hugs in my life. More social warmth. And a better weekend sleep routine. Sleep hygiene, they call it nowadays. Healthier to keep the time regular, and allow a wind-down before bed, not look at the blue light of cellphone and computer screens right before bed.

Anyhoo, short post this week. I'm getting better, little step by little step, returning to center and balance more quickly after getting knocked off. But the steps are small. They key is not getting discouraged, and not giving up. Gentle steady pressure towards growth. Finally I have almost all of one chunk of my Montessori training homework done. I followed my plan Saturday of not looking at email or internet etc. at all in the morning until I finished the homework I set out to do. I spent less time on it than I planned, but I did complete all the things I set myself to do. Next week I'll set a more ambitious goal, and aim for better sleep hygiene. One little step at a time.

This evening I plan to get done some of my class planning so I don't feel rushed tomorrow morning. little improvements. Drop by drop, a bucket is filled. Step by step, a journey is completed. Continual progress, not impossible perfection.

I want to end with something uplifting. The clear night sky where I live is so beautiful. When I look up at the stars, I'm filled with the beauty, and the vastness. I feel my little body and little problems shrink down to insignificance, compared to that awesome beauty and scale. It feels like a pressure on my heart is released and I can breathe. Similar to the feeling of when I'm really letting myself trust in God, in Spirit and it's flowing pathway laid out for me. One of the spiritual people I read said something like, to truly be a devotee, to surrender fully to God and lay yourself in his hands, you must develop the feeling that not even a blade of grass moves, but that he allows it to. That everything happens for your good. It's a comforting thought, if you actually believe it. Like the thought that we are eternal, spiritual beings, having a human experience in a physical body. It makes things less scary. Even if you don't have that specific certainty, just the general belief that God, the intelligence behind the universe, is unconditionally loving and benevolent. I really do think that is so, ultimately. But I still often forget ;-)

Good night, good week.
-Isaac


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