There are so many things I'm thinking about, and so little time to write about it all. How fast can I do this?
Dating: I don't really want to delay the process of looking for a cool person to travel through life with, grow with. Especially since I'm interested in a family. I finally felt like I had a sliver of extra energy, as I've started getting less exhausted by work, and was getting a handle on my work for the summer Montessori training. So I was trying to dip my toes into the dating thing.
I never did the normal teenager dating thing. I was too shy. So I didn't really learn it. I'm doing ok now, but there's lots to learn, and whenever your learning something new, it can require a lot of additional energy input. There might be a certain binary nature to dating, where I can't just dip a toe in, because there's a certain amount of emotional angst associated with it, at least for novices. Not all the time, but every now and then. Me being anxious before-hand, and doing what I often do when I'm nervous about something: read and research it. Me overthinking things afterwards, and not being able to focus on my other work. Perhaps I don't really have enough time in my life for it yet. Though my dad has explained to me that what I do cannot be classified as dating, it's far to tame. The best term I have for it so far is "not-dating" which I suppose captures the essence of it, just like people say, "oh, it's not a date" just to keep things feeling relaxed when your going out to coffee or lunch or a walk-and-chat. Both parties may be kinda sorta checking out the other person, but in a very non-commital and low threat way. Which I think may be a better way to get to know someone than the high pressure high stakes traditional "dating."
But anyhoo, I digress. I'll see if there is anything I can do that doesn't go over the little sliver of time/energy I do have.
Also thinking about how I've gotten somewhat off-track with my deeply nourishing morning routine. It's so much harder when it's not an every-night thing. And I've got my Friday-night games with friends that's like the best part of my week, and that's a little bit of a later night. And sometimes there's contra, and sometimes I'm trying to write my blog sunday night and it's already 8:40. And if I just muscle through it... I end up with fatigue headaches, and I lose my edge, my creativity, my ability to go beyond my current paradigm, I start making mistakes, forgetting things.
But maybe it's time to try it again, maybe it's not as bad as I'm remembering it.
If it was the only intense thing I had to focus on, I could get myself back in a jiffy, but there's LOTS of things that need my attention and strategizing summer is coming and with it the due dates on all sorts of homework, classroom observations, lots of stuff, in addition to work, which is plenty all on its own. I can do it, I think, but I don't know that I can do it, and reset my routine. One of the main rules of habit change is, focus on one change, one new habit, at a time.
I've had so many changes over the last few years, as soon as I've gotten a steady routine down, it's all mixed up again. I'm hoping that will settle out, over the coming years.
OK, I need to wrap this up... thinks are hectic, but all is well. I continue my steady improvements to my life, and sometimes it doesn't feel like it, because everything keeps getting shaken up and changed, but even that, I'm getting better at managing. I look forward to the day where... what's that quote? I think it was a famous author or something, who had a very ritualized start up routine to get into writing, and said something like, 'be super predictable, with your routines, so you can be wildly creative, with your work.' I like that idea. Sounds good. Also feeling like I have all the skills I need to do my job really well. I look forward to that day, that feeling. Flow. Tasks that require high skill, and you have the skill required to meet the task.
Good night, good week, everyone.
Still haven't gotten to that awesome dream. In a nutshell: if your worried about life's problems, look up at the night sky, think about how big the universe is, how vast and beautiful, and how truely small your problems are, in the grand scheme of things. There's really no need to worry, about anything. Certainly do your best, follow your rightness, be deeply engaged and active in life. But don't worry. This is the advice I'm working on following, at the moment.
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