Also, my wireless keyboard has been close to non-functional. It will choke for up to 20 seconds, not receiving any inputs, on and off, over and over. Then sometimes it starts working properly for longer periods. I assume it's because it's cheap? We'll see, I'm going to try a slightly better keyboard that should have a better signal. Also as I tried to post this, the text was all messed up because blogger has removed it's spell-check... one more strike against it. It's really just a matter of time now before I switch to a more with-it blogging platform.
Lots of minor (or I guess major) technology issues. I suppose it goes with the whole theme of the day, all sorts of systems are breaking down a bit. Apparently it's impossible to get meat now. I only know this because Suzannah gets ground turkey for the cats and hasn't been able to now. Supply chain issues are likely to continue and perhaps increase, as more staff get sick. It's just the way of things these days. We need to lower our expectations. As long as I have shelter, food, water, and my health I'm extremely grateful. That's wealth, really. Plus I get to live with a best friend and two cute cats, and it's beautiful out. I love spring.
In other news, I've been noticing a slide that I suspect has been happening with a lot of people, just kind of getting up later, getting a bit more sluggish. As our routines are disrupted, as we have less external structures keeping us to specific times, I suspect a lot of us are sliding downhill. I'm trying to catch myself. I've just started setting my phone back up on the other side of the room so I have to get up to turn off the alarm in the morning. It's been years since I needed that trick, but my old wake up early habit is pretty eroded at this point, so I need such extreme measures to get myself back on track.
I just looked at my folder of papers and scraps and clippings in my "regular review" folder, a collection of learnings and inspiration that I try to refresh myself on regularly, and found the article, "The Regrets of the Dying." It jives well with my general practice of memento mori, (remember your death) since it was written by someone in hospice care. As I'm imagining being on my deathbed, this article gives me a better picture of what I might be thinking, since she mentions the 5 most common regrets she found people had, on their deathbeds. Here they are:
#5 I wish I had let myself be happier.
#4 I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends
#3 I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings
#2 I wish I hadn't worked so hard
#1 I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me
so, perhaps ponder now, before your deathbed, if you're living a life true to yourself. My birthday is coming up, which is often a day for reflection, for me, so having just read that, I'm pondering it myself. Also, the #2 regret is something I'm noticing now, having gone from working too hard to now not working too hard. It's true, I like life better when I'm not over worked. I think I'd be willing to live a simpler life and take a pay cut to have that be generally true. Though not working enough is also a problem. Especially on the things that are most important to me.
Also, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention it was Mothers Day, which is a good holiday I think. Mothers deserve appreciation. Though hopefully we let them know they are loved and appreciated every day, not just one day of the year. One of the people I look to as a spiritual luminary has said our mother is our first teacher, and also our first inkling of God, as a physical symbol for that love, nurturing, and the creation of our very existence. And that it is better to honor your mother first, rather than an abstract idea of God.
I think how mothers are treated is a good indication of the quality of a culture. Are they respected? Honored?
Only a few weeks until I’m done with teaching school, and it’s time to switch over to being a student for the final summer of my elementary Montessori training. It’s all going to be online now, and I’m not sure what that will mean for the course. Many things will have to be different, and I wonder if it will be more or less difficult. I assume it will be less work, but not having class schedules or fellow students to help motivate me will make things more difficult. Overall it’s nice not to have to travel so much, it will save several days of driving and a lot of money renting a place in San Diego.
I’ve been sitting on some job news for a while, an almost comically long time, as first I was asked to wait till a certain time, and then this whole pandemic thing came up, which makes everything uncertain. I feel like I should wait till I see how things shake out before making a big announcement.
I’m also thinking about that in terms of the wedding. The wedding is planned for Labor day, but… well, with things as they are, the number of people who may be coming is more variable than normal. Normally you expect maybe 25% of the people who say they’re coming to not be able to make it for some reason, life happens, but as it is, our wedding could be anywhere from 200 to 10 people. That seems unreasonable. It would be wasteful to have food and rent stuff for 200 and have only 10 show up, but it seems quite probable that there will still be pandemic stuff going on then, though it may have died down a bit for the summer. I also don’t want to expose people to more risk just to celebrate with me in person. I should research further, but it might just end up being a very small wedding with a large remote attendance, and then a big reception later, when things are actually safe. Right now those are just the thoughts bouncing around in my head, but at some point I’ll have to sit down, do some research and make a decision.
In any case, love to you, my friends, who I’m trying to keep in contact with ;-)
And especially to all the mothers. You are the first teacher, the imparter of character and culture, and often the most important person in a child's life. Thank you, and deep respect for the responsibility you have shouldered.
-I Out
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